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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:37 pm
A friend called me yesterday. She has no place to put up a Sukkah, nor $$ to buy one. She has a son who needs to eat in a Sukkah. She wanted to come to us for a meal (or 2 or 3). She says people don't want to invite and doesn't understand why-after all, it's outdoors-right?

We are not home for Sukkos, so I can't help out. I'm glad I don't have to make that choice to invite or not. We live in an OOT community where most people are being careful.

So what do they do? How is her son supposed to eat in a sukkah if people aren't inviting?

What would you do?
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:41 pm
Could he arrange to use peoples sukkahs when they are not using them?
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:42 pm
It's a major problem. My in laws live in a neighborhood where a lot of people live in apartments. They live in a house and always host tons of people for Succos meals because the only other option is the shul succah. This year, unfortunately, they don't feel comfortable hosting anyone and they feel terrible about it.

The succah may technically be outdoors but it's enclosed so it's not as safe as an open-sided tent. There just isn't the same degree of ventilation to make sharing a succah safe since people can't wear masks while eating.
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amother




Natural
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:43 pm
If you're not home for Succos, can they build and use your Succah? They'd be in there on their own. Or if you don't want them in your succah or don't have one, they can borrow one and use it in your yard.
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Rutabaga




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:44 pm
If you're not going to be home, you can actually do a big mitzvah by putting up your succah anyway and making it available to people who wouldn't have a succah otherwise.
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doctorima




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 4:27 pm
Does the shul have a sukkah he could eat in after everyone has gone home from shul after davening?
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aliavi




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 4:35 pm
There’s something that’s basically a one person tent called a pop-up sukkah. We’ve used it for CHM outings.
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Fave




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 5:00 pm
I’d take Williamsburg’s lack of social distancing over a community that takes this distancing to The extent that they would reject a boy from a a single parent home (that’s what it seems like from the OP) from having a sukkah to eat in over Yom Tov.

Throw the tomatoes....
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 6:45 pm
They don't want to shlep their stuff to the shul sukkah.

My sukkah is not an easy one to put up and my sons aren't coming in to help build one. (usually 1 or 2 married ones come and help build it).

Her son wouldn't be able to build it either (lack of knowledge and abiity).

Using someones sukkah after they are finished is very late at night.

Can't afford/have no place to put up a pop up one.

I mentioned people who would be likely to invite-she will try them, but one place her son doesn't like the food (picky eater), another he doesn't like going to.

The last 2 reasons are why I'm not pushing harder for them. It's not impossible to find a place, but to find a place he is happy with is another story. Our sukkah is first choice for him.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 7:45 pm
I assume you aren’t obligated to eat in a sukkah during a pandemic. At least in my community that seems to be the understanding
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:36 am
tichellady wrote:
I assume you aren’t obligated to eat in a sukkah during a pandemic. At least in my community that seems to be the understanding
So what does this mean, tachlis? People wont be putting them up or that its ok if you cant eat in a duka this year?
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:42 am
tichellady wrote:
I assume you aren’t obligated to eat in a sukkah during a pandemic. At least in my community that seems to be the understanding

If the only way to eat in a sukkah would be to expose yourself to infection, then you probably wouldn't be obligated (ask LOR). But I don't see why there would be a general heter for everyone simply because it's "during a pandemic." We will put up our own sukkah and eat in it as we always do, but without guests.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:11 am
Fave wrote:
I’d take Williamsburg’s lack of social distancing over a community that takes this distancing to The extent that they would reject a boy from a a single parent home (that’s what it seems like from the OP) from having a sukkah to eat in over Yom Tov.

Throw the tomatoes....

You seem to be projecting your own agenda-driven narrative onto the OP's question and using it to justify flouting health restrictions in your neighborhood.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:14 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They don't want to shlep their stuff to the shul sukkah.

My sukkah is not an easy one to put up and my sons aren't coming in to help build one. (usually 1 or 2 married ones come and help build it).

Her son wouldn't be able to build it either (lack of knowledge and abiity).

Using someones sukkah after they are finished is very late at night.

Can't afford/have no place to put up a pop up one.

I mentioned people who would be likely to invite-she will try them, but one place her son doesn't like the food (picky eater), another he doesn't like going to.

The last 2 reasons are why I'm not pushing harder for them. It's not impossible to find a place, but to find a place he is happy with is another story. Our sukkah is first choice for him.

I think you're right not to push too hard for them. It sounds like they have options, but they don't want to compromise on anything or do any work.
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baltomom




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:02 am
Why don't you tell them they're welcome to use your sukkah if they find someone to put it up? Maybe he has some friends who would be willing to help him put it up... or even hire some teenagers to do it.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 2:46 pm
I messaged her and asked if they had room for a pop up sukka-maybe we can borrow one for them. SHe said "Yes, but ds (age 20) doesn't want to eat alone. Yet she would appreciate my asking around anyway"

So I looked online, found 1 for $100 that should be delivered in time, and ordered it. I will let them know if/when it comes in. Not before as no shipping company is guaranteeing delivery times these days.

I haven't decided if its a loan or a gift. I'm leaning towards loan so we can use it for chol hamoed another year. (And I'm not sure how well they will take care of it if it's theirs to keep).
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 2:50 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I messaged her and asked if they had room for a pop up sukka-maybe we can borrow one for them. SHe said "Yes, but ds (age 20) doesn't want to eat alone. Yet she would appreciate my asking around anyway"

So I looked online, found 1 for $100 that should be delivered in time, and ordered it. I will let them know if/when it comes in. Not before as no shipping company is guaranteeing delivery times these days.

I haven't decided if its a loan or a gift. I'm leaning towards loan so we can use it for chol hamoed another year. (And I'm not sure how well they will take care of it if it's theirs to keep).


You sound like such a thoughtful friend. but your friend sounds a little off honestly. Her and her son have to deal with the situation and not look for handouts at this time.

If it's put up at their house, how come she can't sit in there with her son. I don't get that.
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 3:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They don't want to shlep their stuff to the shul sukkah.

My sukkah is not an easy one to put up and my sons aren't coming in to help build one. (usually 1 or 2 married ones come and help build it).

Her son wouldn't be able to build it either (lack of knowledge and abiity).

Using someones sukkah after they are finished is very late at night.

Can't afford/have no place to put up a pop up one.

I mentioned people who would be likely to invite-she will try them, but one place her son doesn't like the food (picky eater), another he doesn't like going to.

The last 2 reasons are why I'm not pushing harder for them. It's not impossible to find a place, but to find a place he is happy with is another story. Our sukkah is first choice for him.


Not wanting to schlep food to shul sukkah isn’t a good enough reason. We live in a city apartment and do this every year, pandemic aside. It’s am inconvenience to oneself (-and the price of doing the mitzvah this year) but that to me pales with inconveniencing (and of course risking transmission) of another
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amother




Ginger
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 9:44 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I messaged her and asked if they had room for a pop up sukka-maybe we can borrow one for them. SHe said "Yes, but ds (age 20) doesn't want to eat alone. Yet she would appreciate my asking around anyway"

So I looked online, found 1 for $100 that should be delivered in time, and ordered it. I will let them know if/when it comes in. Not before as no shipping company is guaranteeing delivery times these days.

I haven't decided if its a loan or a gift. I'm leaning towards loan so we can use it for chol hamoed another year. (And I'm not sure how well they will take care of it if it's theirs to keep).


You're a very thoughtful friend and I'm sure they appreciate you looking out for them! Gmar tov!
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 9:54 am
Wow, that's very generous.

I was going to suggest they pay for someone competent to put up and take down your sukkah.

Their DS sounds a little inflexible. Are there legitimate issues he struggles with, or is he kind of spoiled?
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