I’m REALLY crying it out.

amother

Pink

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 2:09 am

Actually, Pantley's book DOES have a modified CIO version at the end, for babies that the other methods are not working for. In fact, it was her book that taught me that babies sometimes cry in their sleep and that I don't need to rush in until I'm sure they are awake.

But there is a way to let a baby cry themselves to sleep, vs cry to sleep ALONE AND SCARED. The latter is what bothers me. The former, makes me sad but it's easier to understand.

amother

Royalblue

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:16 am

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

Yes, CIO is the Ferber method.

Elizabeth Pantley's book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, is fantastic and works for most (albeit not all) babies. It is not one solution, but a variety of helpful methods and doesn't force you to change your parenting instincts or personality to implement them.

Ferber is NOT cio! Ferber is known as graduated extinction, where you go in in regular intervals. CIO is well, you cry it out

allthingsblue

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:30 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

science says that not tending to a crying baby until they stop crying may lead to attachment disorder.

Science does not say it's fine.

Every scientific source I've seen says otherwise- that there are no harmful effects of CIO.

To a previous poster: Ferber method is a form of CIO. It's called graduated extinction vs extinction.

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:08 am

I feel the same way Op. When I hear mothers doing CIO ( or Ferber btw) I get major anxiety. It is so sad that these methods are still being used when there are more gentle methods that allow you to use your instincts as a mother.
The worst is when you are around mothers who think it’s great as they need to make themselves feel justified for being cold hearted to their baby and their babies needs...
I don’t understand how a mother could ever know for sure that their baby isn’t wet/ hungry/ sick / dirty etc. There were so many times in my years of having babies, that a baby was crying and the baby who “never” had a soiled diaper in the middle of the night, had one . If I was doing CIO, I would never know. Or that the sheets in the crib were wet.
Hashem gave us mothers an instinct to protect our babies. If it feels wrong to you, it probably is wrong. Mothers, listen to you gut and build your babies attachment. You will have a secure and well adjusted child for life.

ohmygosh

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:13 am

OP
This is a disgusting thread. A public shaming of another poster who is clearly trying her best. I'm really shocked. You care so much about a 6 month old that you're crying but you seem to care not a bit about the 6 months old mother who is clearly trying her best. You know nothing about her circumstances yet you are judging her.

allthingsblue

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:17 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

CIO doesn't tell you to leave your child in a dirty diaper. You are supposed to make sure the child is fed, clean, burped, safe...

Blessing1

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:46 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

You are blowing this way out of proportion. CIO doesn't mean that the parents are cold hearted and leave the baby in a soiled diaper and wet sheets. CIO doesn't mean to just ignore the baby. Whoever thinks that, doesn't know what CIO is and is just hysterical because the baby cries.
We should all do what works for US. It's really of bad taste to start a thread criticizing and shaming a mom. Because this method doesn't work for you or you don't like it, it doesn't mean that it's wrong. What's wrong for you may be right for me.

Tzutzie

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:53 am

I never thought of cio as leaving the child to cry tgemsleves to sleep.

More like feber method cio. And I believe from her posts this is what that op is doing.

Either way, this thread is extremely in poor taste imo.

Op seems like a loving mother who is struggling at this time. Shaming her like this is just unkind.

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:59 am

allthingsblue wrote:

CIO doesn't tell you to leave your child in a dirty diaper. You are supposed to make sure the child is fed, clean, burped, safe...

Correct, but many things can happen in the period of time that you are leaving your baby to cry. And if you are doing CIO and it’s in middle of the night ( as you are trying to get them to sleep the night) unfortunately a lot of the things mentioned can apply.

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:02 am

Blessing1 wrote:

This thread has no intention to criticize at all. Rather the goal of this thread is to educate and inform. I wish I would have read a thread like this when I was a young mother. Knowledge is power and young mother can make a better choice for their baby with this knowledge.
This isn’t to attack any one mother on an individual level.
Edited to add- I didn’t start this thread , I am referring to the comments in the thread.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:08 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

This is criticizing one mother. Maybe you missed the other thread. A general post like “alternative methods to sleep training” would have been helpful, this is just attacking.

Blessing1

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:11 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

This thread is 100% criticizing a specific poster. OP started this thread to criticize the poster that let's her baby CIO.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:12 am; edited 1 time in total

Blessing1

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:15 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Part of CIO is checking on the baby every few minutes to sooth the baby and make sure baby is ok. You can see if the baby needs a diaper change or the sheets are wet. CIO doesn't mean that if baby wakes in middle of the night you just ignore the baby and sleep on.

allthingsblue

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:34 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Saying all CIO is bad is like saying all police are bad.

Sometimes CIO is bad, if you're not doing it properly, at the right age, after all the first steps are properly tended to. No one expects a 6 month old to sleep through the night, but it shouldn't take 2 hours to get a 6 month old to sleep. The goal at 6 months is for baby to fall asleep calmly and happily after being fed, changed, burped- whether at the start of the night or in the middle of the night.

Zehava

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:37 am

We all make mistakes. I did CIO with my first two who were close in age. I was young and desperate and didn’t know better. My oldest displays anxious behavior. Is it from being left alone in a dark room for hours? Possibly. Nothing I can do now besides reassuring her though. And I would never do it again. You can just hope that this mother, too, will eventually learn.

Blessing1

Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:54 am

Zehava wrote:

CIO does not mean leaving baby alone in a dark room for hours!!!! You did not do it correctly.