Letters to the Editor: Ridiculous Edition

FranticFrummie

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:33 am

I know that this is supposed to be fictional letters we invent, but I have to share something.

A friend gave me her old Mishpacha magazines, and there was an article with a picture of a white doctor standing next to an African person. The African person was identified as a man (or chief of his tribe, or something. I forget.)

Anyway, something seemed off. On closer inspection, it was actually an elderly WOMAN, and she was topless! Surprised

Her breasts hung down to her waist and were quite flat, so I can see how in such a small picture, it might have been missed.

It still made me LOL that the printed a picture of a topless woman. I was tempted to write and point it out to them, but then I thought better of it. I wonder how many people noticed?

kenz

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:45 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

OMG - how long ago? You can bet someone would have written in, but I don't know that they can acknowledge it publicly, because most people would go running to see it (as I want to!).

Wife1

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 10:31 am

Dear editor,

A shanda! A bezion! Why do you print the letters knocking your heliga torahdige magazines! The yeridos hadoros is appalling! When I was growing up back in 1963 what the magazine wrote was emes! If they wrote the grass is purple it’s purple! No matter what ir looked like to our untrained eyes.

Please stop printing apkorsus!
Dorothy Judith Alice
( Chaya sprinzah)

amother

Gold

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 10:37 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

A few years ago in the faimly First there was an article their, there was a big picture of two men each holding a baby, In big letters over the picture it said Douple Miricle. I called them up to ask how could you print such an picture with that heading, the lady had know clue why I thought it was so bad I had to explain it .

amother

Blonde

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 10:40 am

Years ago I worked as a secretary for hamodia. One man called MAD because there was a pic of someone taking mayim shelanu with a red pail. RED! Total disrespect. Oh, the humanity!!!!!!!

WitchKitty

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 10:42 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Couldn't it have been a man with big breasts?

GLUE

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 11:06 am

Dear Editor,

I am very upset that you took an ad for the new nail salon in town. I am not such a Frummie that I am agents nail polish. My daughters can were any color they want just as long as its clear, they can even put faint light colors on their toes under their 80 Denier stockings.

A store like that will lower the Ruchneous and raise the Goshmeis. Is that what you need for a town like Kalamazoo? Was not Kalamazoo founded on Toarah and Yerus Shomiyim ? I no a yid needs parnsa, but it should not be on the backs of the Ruchneous. How can you rise the level of Goshmeis in this town.

To ashamed to sign my name

HindaF

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 11:50 am

InnerMe wrote:

Hinda F, you are hilarious. I'd donate to your GoFundMe just to see some more of your brilliance in the letters to the editors LOL

InnerMe, thanks for your kind words! This is all such good wicked fun!! I used to write for some magazines and have gotten rusty lately. This was such a fun way to get into writing again! Thanks everyone for making me roll with laughter!!

GLUE

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 7:53 pm

WitchKitty wrote:

Dear Editor,

I wanted to share a segula I heard. If you take a cat's tail and wind it around your foot for 3 days, you will live forever!
I have done it and so far I am still alive!

Mrs. Beelever.

Dear Mrs. Beelever,

Your segula sounds wonderful, but I have a few ???
1- Is the tail supposed to be attached to the cat
2- Is the cat supposed to be alive
3- If the cat is alive can it be declawed
4- Are you supposed to use a male or Female
5- Any specific type or color of cat
6- Which foot

Mrs. Katz

WitchKitty

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 7:17 am

GLUE wrote:

Dear Editor,

I noticed that you posted loads of letters form people who are interested in my amazing segula! Please note that I am STILL alive!!
For all those who asked about the practical details, I just wore my husband's streimel around my leg.

I can be contacted for more details through Frumme.

Mrs. Beelever.

HindaF

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 7:37 am

Dear Editor,
In reference to Mrs. Beelever's letter( issue 1,119) I feel obligated to point out something vital. Mrs. Beelever points out that she just "used her husband's shtreimel" in lieu of a cat's tail. This suggestion is frought with danger and I would like the choshuve oilum to understand why.
It is IMPERATIVE that a woman ask her husband if he is fine with her using his shtreimel in such a manner. I cannot stress this enough.I know someone personally who followed Mrs. Beelever's advice in this regard and thus suffered severe shalom bayis issues when her husband discovered that she used his shtreimel this way without permission. He is still not talking to his wife and various askanim are currently on the case.
Thank you for being the medium through which important and timely issues such as this one can be aired in a sensitive and kosher manner.
Sincerely,
An oihaiv Shalom vrodeph shalom

HindaF

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 9:07 am

Dear editor,
In light of the rising incidences of marital spats in out community( reg the stealing of husbands' shtreimlach in the cat's tail segulah, issue 1, 121) I have opened a cat's tail gemach.
It was founded in memory of a dear friend who was an avid believer in the cat's tail as a powerful segulah for immortality.
I can be reached through Frumme.
Sincerley,
Founder , CEO , and Sponsor of Tails for Life
"Because every person deserves to live forever"

InnerMe

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 9:49 am

WitchKitty wrote:

Dear Mrs. Beeleever,
I tried your segulah and I am alive, but just barely.
My husband doesn't wear a shtreimel so I borrowed my neighbor's and when I returned it after turning it around my leg 3 times like those skip-it balls we used to play with back in the day. When I returned it, my neighbor said "Oh gosh, my husband's gonna kill you for doing this! Have you got any idea how much this costs??"

So right now I'm alive but I'm hiding under my bed because I don't know when my neighbor's husband will come get me.

Please tell me - did I do the segulah wrong?

Almost not alive

Sunny Days

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 9:53 am

Dear editor,

I was appalled to read in last weeks edition about the opening of a cat tail gemach. How can someone who considers themselves a frum Jew k’das moshe v’yisroel even think about a segulah using a non kosher animal? Only giraffe necks will do. Please rectify this.

Thank you
Sincerely
Long necked

Ps for those questioning the kashrut status of a giraffe 🦒 please note that this is the reason the entire neck is used. V’hamavin yavin.

Pps it’s quite obvious why it is the neck of a 🦒 that is used, as you want something symbolic for a long life= long neck.

Thanks,
Giraffe’la

kenz

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:03 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Pardon my ignorance - were they both parents of said babies?

HindaF

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:42 am

Dear Almost Not Alive,
I read with growing horror about your experience with you neighbor's husband's shtreimel. If you are still alive, I have a suggestion to make, if I may.
A spodek( worn by the gerer and Alexander chasidim) is also made out of fur. This alternative can broaden your options when looking for a cat's tail. ( For when the gemach is closed/ after hours )
Sincerely,
Founder, CEO, and Sponsor
Tails For Life

amother

Gold

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 2:56 pm

kenz wrote:

Pardon my ignorance - were they both parents of said babies?

The article was about twin brothers who marred twin sisters and both couples had a baby on the same day. The thing that bothered me the most,from the way they had the men poise and the caption of the pictures if you did not read the article it looked like two men had two babies.

A magazine that is two frum to put pictures of women should not put pictures that look like that

WitchKitty

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 4:04 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Double Brachah