Chizzuk for deciding not to nurse

renslet

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 11:38 am

Odelyah wrote:

also it's a cute phrase but I'm not sure what fed is best even means to most people who say it--I mean what's the alternative, not feeding? obviously not feeding is not best. I think this slogan can reassure mothers who have reasons why nursing is very difficult/not an option, that as long as their baby is being fed, they shouldn't feel guilt about not nursing due to having been told breast is best. The thing is though, it really is best. So formula nowadays, with the dearth of wet nurses, is plan B. And sometimes that's all we can do and that's OK. But to just say "fed is best" to everyone, is ignoring the reality that formula is plan B. I mean sometimes frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner is all we can do, but do we just say fed is best about what we feed our kids every day? We aim for nutritious homemade food for supper, but sometimes it's not possible or practical, so, like in everything, we go to plan B. and sometimes C or D or XYZ. We do the best we can but it doesn't mean it's all the same.

[I like "full throttle bottle" much better Wink

]

If you have time, check out the fed is best website, it has articles from nicu nurses and even lactation consultants telling stories of people who tried and tried to nurse and their babies got dehydrated, lost weight and we're readmitted to the hospital.
Fed is best means that the only important thing is that your child eats, and grows. A dead or malnourished baby who is exclusively breast fed is not the goal.
Many, many people have a hard time making enough milk/feeling overwhelmed/ ppd from nursing etc. As long as your baby is eating that's what matters!!

sigree

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

title says it all. still on the fence a bit but really leaning towards fully bottle feeding...thoughts from those that decided not to breastfeed

Had a baby two months ago and I exclusively bottle feed. I feel like I’m a better wife because of it, I feel like my body is my own because I’m not nursing every five seconds. The night feedings are much easier. I think my recovery from a pretty difficult birth was easier. My whole family was bottle fed and at the top of their classes. Most of all, you have to know yourself.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:30 pm

Keep in mind you may be overdue so no guarantee that you won't be in pain and engorged from trying to dry up your supply.

I was an excellent nurser that loved every minute of it. My last baby I knew I wouldn't be able to nurse for medical reasons. I thought it was the worst thing that I'll have to give bottles, I was so sad.

Fast forward and she's a few months old now. Bottle feeding is amazing! My recovery after birth was so much easier. Nursing releases hormones that make you sleepy. Of course I was regular tired postpartum but not that insane need to sleep NOW urge kind of feeling.
Dh is enjoying to feed her occasionally as well. Great bonding experience for both Mom and Dad (and sometimes even my kids).
I haven't learned yet how to deal with innocent comments from friends and family (most are unaware about my medical issue that prevents me from nursing). I usually just cringe inwardly and move on.

I started my baby with Enfamil gentlease and switched to the target brand gentle formula. My baby was a lot happier and not constipated with the Target one.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

title says it all. still on the fence a bit but really leaning towards fully bottle feeding...thoughts from those that decided not to breastfeed

The best chizzuk I ever got for that was from a lactation specialist who is very well known in my area and very outspoken on the benefits and importance of nursing. She told me, in no uncertain terms, that while she firmly believed breast milk was best, a physically and mentally healthy mother trumped even that and I should go home and happily bottle feed my baby formula. I never again felt guilty.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:41 pm

I'm another bottle feeder. I was in college, going back 2 weeks after having my baby. I was stressing to try and nurse as long as possible but it was just not happening. It didn't work for me and I was devastated. After a week of driving myself nuts to try and nurse and got a lactation consultant and tried all the tricks I said forget it! I will feed my baby formula and it will be fine! And I did. Baby slept through the night at 1 month. Dh was involved with feeding. I could send baby to babysitter without having to pump (which I hated with a passion and hope to never do !) It was very convenient.

avrahamama

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:45 pm

I exclusively breastfeed all my babies because I'm lazy. But sometimes I secretly wish I bottle fed. I am so bound to them the first year. And then even after that ... Some of them are voracious.

A bottle or two would have been nice. But I'm literally to lazy to even wash a bottle.

It's really up to you. Some women exclusively pump. Some exclusively nurse. Some do both. Some do only formula. Etc.

you're the mommy and you will do what works for you and your family.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:49 pm

When I had my first I was of the mindset of only nurse, and Chas v’shalom my baby should never have formula. It was challenging, very painful and I ended up having to use shields. I also went back to full time work at 8 weeks and had to pump like 3 or 4 times a day. When my milk supply went down I tried to overlook it and just give more solids but really I probably shouldn’t have done that as baby wasn’t 1 yet and primary nutrition should have been milk. Bh I’m expecting again and it sounds sooooo tempting to just just formula feed or only nurse when I’m home and not pump. But I’ll keep an open mind and try to just see what happens and not just say no way I’ll give formula.

The way I see it, you already sacrificed yourself for 9 months and did this incredible hard thing of having a baby. If it’s going to make it harder on you to nurse (which it sounds like it is especially because of your job) there’s no reason to feel guilty that you’re not further sacrificing yourself. Do what works best for you!

amother

Navy

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:51 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

Same here. I've never propped a bottle. I even hold my 1 year old. I don't think it's right to prop a bottle, especially for little babies.

Not a matter of right or wrong, bonding-wise, but you should never prop a bottle for safety reasons. It’s a choking hazard. Once the baby can hold the bottle by itself it’s fine to let them do so- again, from a safety perspective, not bonding related.

**bottle propping is not safe**

amother

Copper

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 12:53 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Lol! It’s ok, royal blue. As I said I’m prepared for some tomato throwing. Hiding

I stand by what I said that it’s not all or nothing. And there is something very special about nursing that just cant be replicated. Obviously if a mom can’t do it then she shouldn’t. That should be the case no matter how special nursing is.
But if a mother is able to nurse they should realize that they are doing an amazing thing for their baby. And of course fed is best!

There is only something special about nursing if you enjoy it. If you hate it, dread feedings, and resent the baby there is absolutely nothing special about it.

amother

Wheat

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 1:06 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Mazel Tov!
I know this isn’t what you want to hear and I’m prepared for some tomato throwing but if your on the fence then maybe consider nursing even partially. It isn’t all or nothing and it’s a world of a difference for your baby. The emotional closeness and bonding that is formed when a mother nurses is unsurpassed. Of course you can bond while bottle feeding as well and really build an attachment that way as well. Although there is something that is really special to nursing a baby and it’s something that a mom can only do for a limited amount of the child’s life. It’s a gift that has a very short window of time to give.
Nursing isn’t all or nothing. Even nursing twice a day gives some of the benefits. Good luck making the best choice ( and that might be bottle feeding) for you and your baby.

I didn’t read the whole thread so I’m likely not the first one to respond to this, but here goes.

The reminder that breast vs bottle doesn’t have to be all or nothing is helpful. The guilt trip isn’t.

graphic613

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 1:16 pm

My baby broke all the myths about formula fed babies. I'll go through them all!

-sick more often (my baby was bh never had infections while on formula)
-allergies and asthma? nope
-SIDS bh nope
-lower IQ? please! My mother's 2 smartest kids were formula fed
-obesity? the baby will be chubbier whilte on formula but once off formula, my baby lost 2 lbs and the dr said that is normal
-what else is there?

It is so much easier and way more convenient! Pricey but worth it. My dr gave me a prescription for vitamin D for the baby so maybe ask your doctor for that.
All the people who tell you to nurse obviously had good experiences. Nursing isn't for everyone and really isn't worth it if it isn't working for you. I'm not a doctor so don't take my word for it but nobody is calling child services because you formula fed.

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 1:22 pm

graphic613 wrote:

Same here. My formula fed babies were way easier babies than my breastfed. My breastfed baby had asthma, RSV, and always had ear infections.
Now that they're grown up, I don't see any difference in their development or intelligence. It's all myths.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 1:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks to all replies! please keep them coming!
Reasons for not wanting to breasfeed this time around:
1.
I will probably be busy with a high profile job BEZH (I want to, I dont need to because of finance BH but I am looking forward to the mental stimulation and yes even prestige Wink

) that will keep me for more hours than in the past when I worked..
2. nursing definitely made it a huge challenge for me to lose weight. and I even gained while nursing (when changing my diet at a point where I felt I should buckle down to lose some weight, my babies stopped gaining well)
3. I slept with my babies when nursing and that affected my sleep cycles until fully weaning
4. this may seem selfish and just a shorterm issue but I am having a close family wedding BEZH literally days after BEZH giving birth, I cant imagine being busy with engorgement, pumping, getting undressed to nurse etc. not to mention being on call during bavarfen, shabbos sheva broches etc. planning on having a nurse IYH. would be such a relief for me not to have to run back every hour to nurse newborn (my feedings in the beginning are long ordeals and when done its almost time for next session)
5. its a whole matziv with me. I only wear edith lances bras. wasnt happy with them when it was converted to nursing bras. so I open up my bra from the back every time I nurse. I would roam around the house practically topless for hours at a time instead of bothering to close and open yet again TMI

I know I must sound shallow to most diehard nursers...

Reasons 2-5 do seem a bit shallow. You also might be engorged at the wedding anyway from not nursing so early on. But your baby will be fine with formula.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 1:55 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

I agree in general but your reason is subjective.

Breastfeeding even partially makes a world of a difference to a baby, in cognitive, emotional, physiological development. I don't know how much of a difference it makes to bonding.

amother

Linen

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 2:04 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

It’s the bonding that makes the difference, not the milk.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 2:08 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

There is only something special about nursing if you enjoy it. If you hate it, dread feedings, and resent the baby there is absolutely nothing special about it.

There might not be anything special about it, but if a mom doesn't enjoy nursing, her lack of enjoyment does not erase the benefits she's providing her baby. Nursing is beneficial for babies and mothers health and it is the responsible thing to do if you have enough milk and are physically and physiologically able to breastfeed.

amother

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 2:08 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

thank you! I actually do know that I wont be overdue as I'm having a sceduled C two weeks (give or take) before my due date IYH
incidentally, how does this circumstance affect milk drying up etc. (assuming that my milk might be coming in a bit later probably?)

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 2:10 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

It’s the bonding that makes the difference, not the milk.

No, you're wrong. It's the milk that makes the difference, the bonding is a side benefit. Breastmilk is a LOT healthier than formula, and formula comes with health risks that breastmilk DOES NOT have.