S/O clearing the snow (females can as well)

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:28 pm

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

OP get back to us when you live in a snowy climate.

I grew up in a snowy climate. I was an adult in a snoey climate. I always shoveled as did my mother and other women on my block as well.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:29 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Yes. I’ve never taken a bag of garbage to the dumpster in all the time I’ve been married (I’ll tie it up and change it but leave it for my husband to take out). I don’t think it’s a masculine job, it’s just the one task I know I’m not expected to do and that line needs to be somewhere. I do plenty of “manly” things like changing lightbulbs, fixing small broken stuff, putting together furniture, etc. I

Why does there have to be that line?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:31 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

Because feminism is not a reason to shoot ourselves in the foot. Sometimes I wonder if the point of feminism might have been that women can do it all...and men can do none of it. No thanks.

To me this is not about feminism, but not bring "the little lady" who isnt able to do things. But thats my view, doesnt have to be everyone's obviously.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:33 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

I live "in town", one of the large communities, mixed types of boxes. There were years that dh did not shovel, I did. Let me explain just how embarressing it was....every. single. Man. Who. walked. By. Stopped. To. Make. A. Comment. Every. Single. One. Some stopped to grill me why dh was not shovelling and I was. Some women too. Now he has a snowblower, problem solved. Ftr, I did not mind shovelling at all.

That says a lot sbout the people eho stopped more than about you. And thats awful that people did that.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:35 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

To me this is not about feminism, but not bring "the little lady" who isnt able to do things. But thats my view, doesnt have to be everyone's obviously.

Yeah, but the thing is I'm the little lady who does everything else. So this is one thing this little lady is NOT gonna do, thank you kindly.

And I also do happen to actually be a little lady. 5', and usually completely out of shape from current or recent pregnancies, which I suspect is the case for many of us.

I enjoyed shoveling as a kid.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:36 pm

I dont live in a climate where it snows.
But if I did and my husband shoveled, I certainly would not protest.
That's because he does very few domestic jobs at home. I diaper all the babies, bathe them, dress them, do all the laundry, cleaning and cooking.(I do have cleaning help but the responsiblity is on me.) And he takes out the garbage and carries heavy things (such as suitcases).
In other families, all jobs are shared , so yes women can shovel just as well as men. Men can cook just as well as women. I shovled as a kid. But in my home, we seem to have fallen into very clear roles of who does what, so I would definitely not shovel if he was offering to do it.

Rachel Shira

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:39 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why does there have to be that line?

Because I enjoy knowing that not any and every household job is potentially my responsibility? It goes both ways. There are pleeeenty of things I do that I don’t expect my husband to do.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:40 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Because I enjoy knowing that not any and every household job is potentially my responsibility? It goes both ways. There are pleeeenty of things I do that I don’t expect my husband to do.

But wouldn't it annoy you if you asked him to do something here and there and he refused because he drew the line there?

causemommysaid

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:43 pm

because I do pregnancy and childbirth. Let the guys go out in the cold and deal with the snow. Why do I have to do everything in the name of equality. I'll shovel snow when my husband pushes out a baby. Deal?

amother

Slategray

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:45 pm

I used to shovel as a girl and do enjoy it.
I'm currently 3 months post partum and if I'd shovel I'd be leaking urine (sorry for the tmi) after.
My pelvic floor and core strength are quite weak and my husband has no such issues.
I'd imagine that this may be the case with many other women who have large families (or they are currently pregnant and it's difficult to lift, or they have a house full of little ones and their husband prefers to shovel rather than stay inside and man the fort.)

bigsis144

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:47 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Because I enjoy knowing that not any and every household job is potentially my responsibility? It goes both ways. There are pleeeenty of things I do that I don’t expect my husband to do.

Is your line gender based, though? I think that’s what shabbaticoming was questioning.

I think it’s okay for jobs to be split up/delegated to different people.

It’s nice not to always have to be keeping track of every single thing that needs to get done, or have to discuss on a day-to-day basis who does what. Bearing the “mental load” takes up energy in and of itself.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:48 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

So much yes

avrahamama

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:50 pm

I think of shoveling were a daily thing there might be a more equal division of labor. But as it's not. And there is already so much inside the home that typically falls on the woman. It seems to naturally go that the heavier physical labor would go to the man.

Obviously there are other divisions of labor in many households. But if a woman feels like that's something her husband can and should be responsible for I don't see why it needs to be an issue. In the tristate area it's maybe 2/3 times a whole winter... And some winters it's not at all.

essie14

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:56 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

When I was single and shoveling snow, someone walked by and said to me "why isn't your husband doing that?"
I replied, "go find me a husband and then he can shovel my walkway"

amother

Puce

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:57 pm

Because my husband like to treat me like a princess.
Its his pleasure to do the shovelling and “manly jobs”.
He gets more pleasure from my delight, appreciation and his ability to pamper me, than either of us would get from me doing all jobs.

He also likes me to reserve all my energy to focus on the family.
Everyone has limited reserves.
We would rather those aren’t taken up by anything that can be avoided. I can invest all my energy into my relationships with my children and husband.

We are lucky though, the kids love doing it, it gets them up and out early to shovel and throw snow at each other.

Rachel Shira

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:01 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

But wouldn't it annoy you if you asked him to do something here and there and he refused because he drew the line there?

I never said anything about doing each other favors. I’m just talking about generally what we know we each take care of. Of course if he asked me to take a bag out to the trash I would, although I’d be happier leaving it until he was able to. And I ask him to do things that aren’t usually his responsibility and he does it, very happily.
Of course this has nothing to do with gender. Just regular dividing up household jobs. The shoveling is somewhat gender based for us just based on strength and ability.

imasinger

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:02 pm

I generally like to shovel. We usually split the job, sometimes going out to work on it at the same time (no babies in the house), sometimes taking turns.

It doesn't take much discussion time to figure out who's doing which household task, and touch base when there's an issue.

amother

Linen

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:07 pm

bigsis144 wrote:

Yes, it is gender based. Before feminism came into play, the men knew that anything that involves physical strength such as schlepping out the heavy trash, shoveling the snow, transferring a sleeping kid, etc, was their responsibility.

If it works otherwise for individual people, so be it. But that doesn't make it strange to have men undertake the duties that require physical strength.

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:09 pm

For years we hired someone. Now I’m fully participating. Along with son who has been ‘covering’ me while I’m in school and working full time. Mensch. Husband would also but son has done

moonstone

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:14 pm

I wouldn't be surprised to hear that in certain communities it's considered "not tznius" for a woman to shovel snow.