Juggling babies, home and work

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 9:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Alright, teach me your ways I’m all ears.
Also is your house constantly spotless, dinners always made on time, laundry always caught up, etc?

Thanks for the replies please keep them coming I’m figuring this out

My house is almost never spotless. It's not going to be spotless. I don't like it, but hey. It's not the greatest sacrifice in the scheme of things.

Dinners are not always on time, but getting them ready on time is my newest project. Sometimes DH makes them. I'm trying to stick to a menu plan to take the guesswork out, and make sure we have everything we need at the beginning of the week. I have ADHD so it's tough. When dinner is ready on time kids get to bed on time and that motivates me.

Laundry is "caught up" if the hamper isn't full or overflowing. I try to do a load a day. It doesn't always get folded right away, but everyone always has clean laundry.

I try to clean a room a day to keep the mess under control. One day girls room is tidied and swept, the next day boys room is tidied and swept. Next day I tidy and sweep the laundry room, day after that I sweep the kitchen and living room (one without the other is a waste of effort). DH does dishes and we are saving for a dishwasher which will make everything run more smoothly and free up hours. I try to get a kid to Lysol wipe the bathroom floor (pee missing the toilet), otherwise one of us does it. I try to get kids to wipe down the table. When I have a few minutes I fold laundry and everyone helps put it away. The house is never spotless but it isn't an absolute disaster. It was hard at first but I learned to ignore the mess. You already have cleaning help so it should be easier.

I am not ashamed to let the kids eat cereal for dinner once or twice a month, or to let them eat sandwiches and vegetables for dinner once or twice a month, and if they don't like supper they can take fruits and veggies or leftovers or whatever.

I'm not supermom and I wish I didn't have to work but it is what it is. Lots of people around me have spotless homes, okay, I guess they are supermoms, but they don't WFH so I guess they have more time to make perfect dinners and keep their homes spotless.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 9:52 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

If you’re trying to work part-time I think it’s possible, 4 months is the easiest age. If full time you probably can’t.

You can but it's stressful.

What helps most is to pretend you have a boss and make VERY STRICT set hours and work then and only then. And when you are working to be working other than when you take set breaks. During a break you do a bunch of things at once, and then go back to work.

For instance during first break, change diapers, go to the bathroom, get coffee. Second break, put the sleeping baby in bed (fell asleep on you as you worked), make sandwiches, make more coffee, go to the bathroom, put the pre-prepared load in the machine, chat a few minutes with your kid/ read kid a book. Third break, wash vegetables, go to the bathroom, take down a game.

When you finish working take a few minutes for yourself, read a book, play a game, then go do housework.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 9:53 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

I have a 1 year old, I work full time and my husband works long hours. My house is clean, suppers are ready on time, and I do 1 load of laundry every day so it doesn't pile up.
I think you need to send your baby out to a babysitter while you work, and then focus on cleaning up at night after the kids go to sleep. Do one chore or one room per night plus a load of laundry. What else are you doing in the evenings after 730? It seems like you are burnt out from trying to get things done with your 4 month old during the day, so you collapse at night. Get work done when your baby is out at a babysitter and then manage the house at night.

BTW OP when DH comes home from work I plotz, hand everything over to him, do nothing until I feel better, then we do some housework together, eat, talk, go to sleep. If I didn't manage to finish my work I finish it when he comes home and then take a break for myself.

tichellady

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:56 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

I have a 2yo, a 5mo, and two older kids, who have all been home for months. Good enough for you?

BTW having done both I can tell you that 2yo and 5mo is much tougher than 3yo and 5mo.

I’m not putting you down. You sound amazing! I’m just saying that not everyone can do what you are doing and be sane. People have different abilities and different children.

tichellady

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 11:06 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

What if your baby doesn’t fall asleep or doesn’t transfer into a crib once asleep? What if baby has an exploding poopy diaper on you while you are working? I feel like my reality of parenthood is very different from yours. Where is your kid while you work?

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 3:26 pm

tichellady wrote:

I continue working with my baby in my arms or in a sling. I take a few minutes to change the poopy diaper and try to make sure not to let it get to exploding, because that will take more time. Fair, I don't answer phones as part of my work (usually).
I almost always have at least one kid on top of me, sometimes I have two on top of me. The older kids are usually somewhere nearby.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 3:27 pm

hesha wrote:

I would just add that if you get a babysitter who will come to the house for 2-3 hours a day, or bring the baby to a babysitting group for a bit , that will motivate you to get more work done. You will be forced to Uber focus in those 2-3 hours because you know they are the only opportunity for you to really focus on the business for that day.

Maybe and maybe she will be sooo strapped for "me time" that she will end up just using those hours to get some housework done and eat a normal meal and then feel bad that she paid a babysitter and didn't get any paid work done...

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 3:36 pm

tichellady wrote:

I’m not putting you down. You sound amazing! I’m just saying that not everyone can do what you are doing and be sane. People have different abilities and different children.

I'm not amazing and sometimes I feel like I'm not sane, some of my kids are really difficult.

At the end of the day each person prioritizes what is important to her and pushes down what's less important to her. To me it's very important to be able to have my kids home, not at daycare or a sitter's, so I sacrifice a lot to make that happen. If I cared more about making my business take off I would prioritize that (I basically let my freelance business die and just kept my day job) and possibly find someone to help with childcare. Usually we are against disposables and don't use them but this week DH took vacation to finish up assignments for a course he's doing, and to make sure he can finish we bought disposables and are eating more packaged stuff like frozen pizzas and hot dogs and fries, to free up time so he can finish his project.

I could go on and on about what else gives in my home and you probably would not be impressed by some of it, but that's life, we do some things and not others...

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 4:20 pm

rakcna wrote:

Yes. Sling is amazing. Just in terms of what a job entails, it is not always the solution. If you are working with hot/sharp objects, probably not the best idea. Also, in some cases/industries, holding a baby during zoom calls/client contact/consults, may not be accepted.

One of the best things this pandemic has done is normalize WFH when your kids are also there.

Nowadays it is totally normal, everyone gets it.

RE hot/ sharp objects, definitely depends on the age of your baby and what exactly you are doing. A 1mo who doesn't do much in a sling is totally different than a grabbing kicking 7mo in a sling. (ETA, back slings may do the trick.)

tichellady

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 11:18 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

I actually don’t think this is a good thing for most moms. Most moms I know who are expected to work with their kids at home are really suffering.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Feb 25 2021, 1:25 am

tichellady wrote:

I actually don’t think this is a good thing for most moms. Most moms I know who are expected to work with their kids at home are really suffering.

I think many parents are suffering, yes. But I think that normalizing kids in the background is a good thing. Gone are the days when you had to apologize for your kids' existence or right to be home when you were working. Now if kids are home, the other side is understanding. It's a lot less pressure to fake perfection, and it's good for moms, and dads also.

amother

Olive

Thu, Feb 25 2021, 8:32 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

No its not.

I wfh due to pandemic and its not ok to have kids interrupt calls non stop.

Mom's are just expected to make it all work.

You have such a different reality than me.

Im not my own boss and can't do half the things you do.
As much as I was SO excited to have my child home, and I was home with my child for majority of the past 12 months no daycare-
My child isn't ok playing nicely next to me.
If I tried to get ANY work done they threw a MAJOR tantrum.
The only time I was able to get ANY work done - cooking, cleaning, work was during naps.

It's so dependent on personalities of both child and mother.

You sound so judgy, too. If you can do it so can others. Ha.
Also, fwiw, it's actually easier with multiple children.
If I watch my niece or nephew I actually CAN get some work done because just having another child around calmed my child down to not need me there constantly.

amother

Olive

Thu, Feb 25 2021, 8:34 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

She clearly said she crashes at 730 when she puts her kids to her bed.
Maybe you don't know what that means because your one of those women who manages to accomplish accomplish accomplish? Good for you.
Not all of us can do that.

amother

Olive

Thu, Feb 25 2021, 8:36 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

She said her dh works long hours.
Who said she has the opportunity to "hand everything to him"?!
DH usually only comes around AFTER I crash. (He WFH but is strictly not avail whereas I get to juggle it all)

saw50st8

Thu, Feb 25 2021, 9:03 am

OP, when your kids are really little, it is extremely physically exhausting to take care of them. Their needs are fairly immediate and physical. People have varying amount of energy based on their own bodies, how much their babies sleep and a whole host of other factors.

If you are not managing and can afford it, get as much help as you want/need/can afford.

Try to figure out what are the hardest things for you to tackle. Dinner? Come up with really easy meals that you can thrown up quickly. Sometimes that means buying groceries that are prepared (like pre-shredded cabbage instead of a head of cabbage) or using vegetables that require less checking (zucchini instead of broccoli) and making things that require very little prep (meatloaf vs meatballs). Is Laundry getting you down? Send it out - it is one of the cheaper items to outsource and everything comes back folded. Grocery shopping is difficult? Get grocery delivery.

Decide what works best in terms of a babysitter - would you prefer space from your baby for a few hours? Or would you prefer to have your baby nearby? What will keep you more sane?

You don't have to do all of these things, but I have found that temporarily chipping away at the low hanging fruit means you can devote your mental and physical energy to other things. This stage is not permanent and your sanity needs to stay intact.