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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:31 pm
banana split wrote:
Feel exactly the same way. It’s a lost battle. OP or it makes you feel better the US is the same.
And actually worse. Because the US is the only developed country in the world that the FDA allows companies to put artificial coloring in products geared towards children Sad
they sell all those American candies here... believe me it's no better
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:34 pm
I see children sneaking even more candy behind the backs of their strict parents than they would get if it wasn't an issue.

My son's friend has a very strict almost militant mother. I saw her son trade 5$ for a soda. Then he proceeded to chug it in 2 min before his mother came to pick it up.

I didn't even know what to say. And I knew that if I told the mother he would have been yelled at in font of his class and then potched at home.
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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:34 pm
amother [ Bergamot ] wrote:
If only cavities were the only concern. In my own kids, in addition to multiple cavities and poor oral health, we have unhealthy weight gain, yeast overgrowth and behavioral problems that get worse with sugar and dye. But god forbid I restrict them and cause resentment and eating disorders.
this!
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amother




Bergamot
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:36 pm
blessedflower wrote:
this!
I’m sorry Sad it’s such a trapped feeling
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amother




Peony
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:38 pm
blessedflower wrote:
I do that already. I make foods she likes and chooses. She is a good easy eater. She loves fruits and gets as many as she wants. I ask her which cookies to buy before I do a shopping.
The problem is really only the candy. I offered her to make ices at home, she didn't want. I feel it's a list battle

Also, don't offer to make ices at home. Make the ices, and don't buy any. When she asks for ices, those are the ones you offer. If she complains, sorry, too bad. Those are the ices you have. She can take it or leave it. Eventually she will get used to homemade ices.

You can buy ziploc bags that are the same shape as freeze pops. IDK if they sell them in Israel though.
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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:45 pm
avrahamama wrote:
I see children sneaking even more candy behind the backs of their strict parents than they would get if it wasn't an issue.

My son's friend has a very strict almost militant mother. I saw her son trade 5$ for a soda. Then he proceeded to chug it in 2 min before his mother came to pick it up.

I didn't even know what to say. And I knew that if I told the mother he would have been yelled at in font of his class and then potched at home.
I'm definitely not like that. She can eat the candies she gets at school. I let her way whatever an gets out of the house. I don't give her any extra candy other than shabbes unless it's really a special occasion like a birthday. But she wants candies also midweek. But really it's not just the candies, it's the whole way things work here. It's as if people totally don't care about their kids well-being and health. I once came home when it was dark (winter around 7pm) and I saw a motorcycle riding in the tiny park here. I went to take a better look. There wasn't a single mom there. Only small kids alone. One 4yo was crying so hard I brought her home. Another time a small kid around 5-6 came asking me to walk him because he saw a snake. How can this moms not mind? I see small kids get hit by older kids on a daily basis.
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amother




Bergamot
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:46 pm
amother [ Peony ] wrote:
Also, don't offer to make ices at home. Make the ices, and don't buy any. When she asks for ices, those are the ones you offer. If she complains, sorry, too bad. Those are the ices you have. She can take it or leave it. Eventually she will get used to homemade ices.

You can buy ziploc bags that are the same shape as freeze pops. IDK if they sell them in Israel though.
My kids will eat the homemade juice pops fine until other kids have the colored stuff and then only that is good enough. They also get bored of the homemade ones. But I’ve never seen kids getting bored of the sugary artificial colored ones. They’re made to be addictive.
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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 1:02 pm
amother [ Peony ] wrote:
Also, don't offer to make ices at home. Make the ices, and don't buy any. When she asks for ices, those are the ones you offer. If she complains, sorry, too bad. Those are the ices you have. She can take it or leave it. Eventually she will get used to homemade ices.

You can buy ziploc bags that are the same shape as freeze pops. IDK if they sell them in Israel though.
thanks I like this
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 1:03 pm
blessedflower wrote:
I'm definitely not like that. She can eat the candies she gets at school. I let her way whatever an gets out of the house. I don't give her any extra candy other than shabbes unless it's really a special occasion like a birthday. But she wants candies also midweek. But really it's not just the candies, it's the whole way things work here. It's as if people totally don't care about their kids well-being and health. I once came home when it was dark (winter around 7pm) and I saw a motorcycle riding in the tiny park here. I went to take a better look. There wasn't a single mom there. Only small kids alone. One 4yo was crying so hard I brought her home. Another time a small kid around 5-6 came asking me to walk him because he saw a snake. How can this moms not mind? I see small kids get hit by older kids on a daily basis.


And then there is the pedophile ring in Nachlaot some 6-ish yrs ago. I know. But I know it's not all over Israel. I have Israeli family (chiloni) that doesn't operate like this.

You should have siyata dishmaya to raise all your children spiritually and physically healthy and safe and socially adjusted.
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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 1:27 pm
avrahamama wrote:
And then there is the pedophile ring in Nachlaot some 6-ish yrs ago. I know. But I know it's not all over Israel. I have Israeli family (chiloni) that doesn't operate like this.

You should have siyata dishmaya to raise all your children spiritually and physically healthy and safe and socially adjusted.
amein. Thx
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amother




Hyacinth
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 1:33 pm
Look, I'm going to say something you may not like to hear. You keep reiterating that this is the way its done here and you can't let your daughter do it too.

I'll preface by saying I agree with you that young children should not be going to parks and shopping by themselves with no supervision. I don't know what I would choose to do in your place.

Having said that, if you chose to live in a location where the culture is to allow really young children to go about everywhere unsupervised, you cannot expect your daughter to be comfortable being different. All her friends and neighbors are walking everywhere freely and she can't. You must recognize that this would fester resentment on her part towards you.

I cannot tell you where and how far to compromise. Your feeling that its not so safe is probably legitimate. All I can suggest is for you to sit down with her and discuss both sides of the issue and negotiate some kind of compromise you can both live with.

Otherwise, you probably should think if you can relocate to an area more in keeping with your mindset.

Good luck
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 1:40 pm
blessedflower wrote:
can you advise me a little more on this. Can I rationalize with a stubborn 7 yo?


Argh I hate it so much. She is such a good kid and recently I'm only fighting with her. You will think she is a teenager


Sure. "Shefala, I know you went to buy nosh. Tell me more, what did it feel like, what did you want, why couldn't you tell Mommy" create a safe place. This is how I raise my kids. We both give in a little. I hear them out. They hear me out. I give in a little. They give in a little.
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 3:46 pm
I would give in a little and let her stay out, walk around etc. She doesn't want to be seen with you in public?? That's causing way more damage than the sugar. She's communicating something very important, listen to her. She is 7 not 4.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:22 pm
No child ever died from throwing a tantrum. The more you give in, the more tantrums she is going to throw. She cries all the time because it works every time!

Kids need boundaries, even if they insist they don't. Even if they fight tooth and nail against them. Deep down, boundaries are what makes kids feel secure. They need to know that there is an adult in charge that will look after them. If they sense that the adult is weak and easy to manipulate, they will not feel safe, and they will have no reason to respect the rules.

I would take away the candy she bought, and not give her any money until she can make better choices. Keep track of her allowance, and tell her she can use it when she is with you. If she doesn't want to walk nicely with you in public, turn around and go back home.

I see kids 4 and 5 years old playing alone outside at 11pm, and I wonder what on earth their parents are thinking! In the US, the neighbors would call CPS on you in a heartbeat. I know these kids have gan in the morning, so why are they outside so late, right on the street?

I know your kid doesn't want to be different. If you lived somewhere that all the other kids ate treif, and she was embarrassed by you packing her a kosher lunch, would you give her a cheeseburger?

I really fail to understand a lot of posters here. It must be a generational thing, because I feel like the inmates are running the asylum. Banging head

DD and I used to have our power struggles. She's a stubborn and intelligent kid. When she became a teenager she said to me "Mama, you were right." (Music to my ears!) "I have friends who smoke pot with their moms, or stay out as late as they want, or get to have boyfriends when they are way too young - and they are a MESS. You were strict with me, but I'm glad I turned out the way I am."
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amother




Papaya
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:46 pm
I think you need to consider the long-term effects of being so restrictive. As someone whatsaid, you need to be a little more flexible if you are living in a community that has different standards.

That said, you can do forms of compromise, such as allowing her to keep all her candies, but throwing away 1/10 treats (she gets to choose). I would NOT restrict her personal nosh to shabbos. She isn't three years old. (Shabbos that's buy limited amount on Friday to just last for shabbos.)

I lived in EY. Children's safety is really not treated with the proper importance, and young kids are out way too much without supervision. Things really happen, unfortunately m not just nachlaot. Everywhere.
Still, you can compromise. at seven, she should be fine if she's with one or two friends and you know where she is going, where she will be, and what route she will take (NO SHORTCUTS THROUGH ALLEYWAYS, ETC.) If she's going to be at sarahs house and they decide to go to leahs, she needs to call you and let you know.
And discuss personal safety a lot, what to do if someone comes up to you...

Re. Bedtime, what is her bedtime? Maybe move it later a little bit. Let's say, by a half hour?
Or assure her that next year it will be later.I

Finally, I talk think that these are PARENTING issues, not ISRAELI issues. If you lived in chul, you'd have different power struggles
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amother




Lightpink
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 5:03 pm
amother [ Hyacinth ] wrote:
Look, I'm going to say something you may not like to hear. You keep reiterating that this is the way its done here and you can't let your daughter do it too.

I'll preface by saying I agree with you that young children should not be going to parks and shopping by themselves with no supervision. I don't know what I would choose to do in your place.

Having said that, if you chose to live in a location where the culture is to allow really young children to go about everywhere unsupervised, you cannot expect your daughter to be comfortable being different. All her friends and neighbors are walking everywhere freely and she can't. You must recognize that this would fester resentment on her part towards you.

I cannot tell you where and how far to compromise. Your feeling that its not so safe is probably legitimate. All I can suggest is for you to sit down with her and discuss both sides of the issue and negotiate some kind of compromise you can both live with.

Otherwise, you probably should think if you can relocate to an area more in keeping with your mindset.

Good luck


This.
I came to write exactly this, you were a lot more delicate than I was gonna be.

I think there's a balance and if you're planning on staying in ey long term you're going to have to find the balance between a complete free for all, and a decent amount of independence. Otherwise it's not going to work.
Hope you can figure it out asap.
Hatzlacha.
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motherfrmisrael




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 5:15 pm
If you are living in a neighbourhood where everyone does one thing, you can't expect her to do something else. Maybe move.

If that is not an option, you have to decide what is more important - living in that area, or having less candy.

Even if you love the chinuch and the style of the neighberhood and want your kid to be like them in other ways, If you are constantly fighting about it, you are losing all the benefits of living there. Your kid will not absorb those messages, or be a misfit her whole life.

sorry for being blunt but you gotta make a tough decision here.
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amother




Chambray
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 12:26 am
avrahamama wrote:
And then there is the pedophile ring in Nachlaot some 6-ish yrs ago. I know. But I know it's not all over Israel. I have Israeli family (chiloni) that doesn't operate like this.

You should have siyata dishmaya to raise all your children spiritually and physically healthy and safe and socially adjusted.


Pepophile rings all over, especially in areas where little kids are in a park by themselves...
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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 1:56 am
Do those mentioning moving, not gonna happen. I moved two years ago to this place and I love it here. Every place has it's cons and pros and I'll deal with it. The pros overweigh the cons.
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Lizzie4




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 2:37 am
I can relate. I live in Israel too. I have a 7 year old son who also love sweets. My kids do not do well with so much sugar at all, especially my younger son with ADD. My rule is treats only on Shabbos. What happens in school I cannot control, but we don't have treats in the house and we only buy for Shabbos. If you have money and want to buy a treat during the week you need to save it for Shabbos. If you want to buy something for now, you can buy a chocolate, no sugary candy.

In terms of independence, I don't let my kids roam the neighborhood alone. I heard from Rabbi Brezak that kids going places alone at that age should have a place where they are going, not just go out and hang with the big kids, even though a lot of kids here do that.

I send my 7 and 5 year old to the Makolet for 1-2 items. I let my 7 year old go to his friends house (who I know) alone, he can go to his Chug alone, he can deliver baked goods to my friends and come back right away.

Also, I'll go out with the kids and supervise them so they can be with their friends.
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