Crying it out | Imamother

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:10 am

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

Seriously stop. You don’t get to say what someone’s baby needs. And you are making assumptions off so little information.

Leaving an 8 month old to cry is unacceptable.
If it's a sudden thing, there's probably something bothering him.

amother

Seablue

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:14 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Chazal said that a women that lets her baby cry and doesn’t go to him will pay for it in shamayim. Besides all the other obvious reasons. Listen to rabbi orlowek he talks about it a lot.

My dh always wants to let the baby cry, while I am totally against it. If I can bring him a source from Chazal, I'm sure it will help... Can you try to find it?

Thanks!!

jd1212

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:39 am

I hate all the anecdotal “evidence” on this site. Just because you have attachment issues, or your baby is having behavioral issues in 2nd grade, does not mean you can authoritatively point that this was the reason. There are a dozen high-quality, large studies that show that babies of parents who use CIO have no adverse effects vs. those who use more gentle methods.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32155677/
Just one

amother

Mintgreen

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:56 am

For everyone that's against CIO but claiming there are other ways... pray tell please???

For the last few weeks I've been searching for a no- cry method to no avail. Read many books including precious little sleep, not helpful. Can't afford a sleep coach.

Sooo what's the elusive magical way to sleep train baby and prevent yrs of future sleep issues without buckets of tears in the process??

Some of you say you've done it... spill the beans please!!!

Ema of 5

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:20 am

amother [ NeonBlue ] wrote:

Very sad to read of all these babies who are left to CIO with no comfort.
Their small bodies and brains can not self sooth and they are shutting down.

Please do not give anecdotal stories that you also CIO and your children are fine. The research points to this practice as destructive.

I don’t know about the other posters, but OP specifically mentioned that she went in a few times.

amother

Glitter

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:27 am

amother [ Glitter ] wrote:

I have been in your shoes, OP. I would try crying it out and then after an hour give up. It did not work for me.

What did work for me was to gradually decrease the amount of time I was feeding my baby by each session in middle of the night. I tried it a few times and it didn't work until my baby was 11 months, but my baby also wasn't eating solids well during the day. Once I was ready I dropped one feeding. After about a week or two I dropped the second feeding. Instead of nursing during that time I would lay in my bed with my baby cuddling against me until my baby would fall back asleep. After maybe 2 weeks, my baby stopped waking up in middle of the night on a regular basis. I did have to retrain my baby to fall asleep alone after that, but it was still worth it. And after a few weeks my baby started falling asleep alone again without me really following any set method. (I tried everything and nothing worked... eventually my baby just stopped the anxiety after my encouragement for a few weeks that I'm always there even if my baby doesn't see me.)

Mintgreen, this way worked for me. Once my baby stopped associating waking up with eating my baby stopped waking up as often. Forgot to mention upthread, but also had a period of time after I weaned my baby at night that I would leave my baby in bed and rub back, sing, etc. until my baby would fall asleep. And then I trained my baby again to fall asleep without me in the room. This method takes time but it was the only thing that worked for me.

amother

Firethorn

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:38 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes he goes to sleep nicely by himself at 830 every night. But will cry at 1 or 3 etc and only wants to nurse (human pacifier). He gets more upset if DH comes in. He used to sleep through the night.

At 8 months most babies still need to eat in the middle of the night. I don't think I've had any babies who didn't wake up to nurse at least once in the middle of the night. Even if he used to sleep through the night, he might be going through a growth spurt now and need the extra calories. Or maybe he is teething and needs the additional comfort.

amother

Firethorn

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:49 am

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

Everyone needs to stop judging and acting like their way is the only way. Everyone knows their own breaking point. Some people need to sleep train for the safety of everyone in the house. And it isn’t so clear cut that sleep training causes any harm. Also if your kid is waking up for formula bottles at 2 something isn’t right.

As an adult that was never sleep trained I resent it. I still can’t self soothe or sleep easily. Sleep is something I battle daily I don’t see how I’m better off.

My 2yos wake up and come join us in our beds. We don't mind, it's snuggly time and they grow up fast enough. Let them get what they need at this age and come get the snuggles and touch they need. It is better for everyone in the long run.

imorethanamother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 12:59 pm

trixx wrote:

I love how people say "my child is 4 and I did CIO and he's fine, we have a great relationship."

I'm a lot older than 4 and I'm not fine. That's how attachment works. You don't see the effects until later in life.

Huh? You can trace all your attachment to your mother issues to her sleeping methods and letting you cry to sleep as an infant?

I'm probably much older than you are, I cried it out, and I'm attached to my mother just fine. We talk every day.

amother

Offwhite

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 12:59 pm

trixx wrote:

And thats because of crying it out? I mean really- you attribute poor attachment and further issues from cry it out, at 8 months? Done appropriately - no less? Cause even the actual research on it shows otherwise.
On top of which, please take a poll on ppl where mothers/ parents never did cry it out - and they have serious attachment problems.
Choosing this method doesnt mean the parent doesnt do other things that foster positive attachment.

imorethanamother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:00 pm

jd1212 wrote:

THANK YOU. This site is so against crying it out, but there's lots of studies out there that shows it's a good method and it works, and there are no lasting issues.

I didn't use it for all my kids, but I did for some of them. If you lined them all up, I bet you couldn't tell which ones cried it out and which didn't.

imorethanamother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:04 pm

amother [ NeonBlue ] wrote:

What research?

amother

Midnight

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:10 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

Talking to your mother every day isn't a good measuring stick of attachment issues.

I think that if a person hasn't healed their own internal baby parts it is hard to understand why cio is harmful.

That's why I can't take the studies at face value. How do I know if the resercher himself was healed? How did he come to the conclusion that he came to without ever traveling the road of healing their own internal baby parts?

I know people say but I'm a professional or I'm in therapy and I do cio.
I hear you.

Just because you're a therapist or you're in therapy it doesn't mean you have touched on your internal baby parts.

I'm saying this with compassion in my heart to all of you.
There's no need to argue. I'm not here for that.
Once you did internal baby parts healing you will see things differently.

imorethanamother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:18 pm

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

I hear where you're coming from, but this idea "internal baby parts" (which kinda sounds wrong, you know?) is a hotly contested one. There's no proof it actually exists, and developmental development theories don't include it. Inner child work is interesting, but I think it's a bit faddish. At best, inner child work is performed on trauma as defined by a strict set of parameters, and not getting a bottle for two hours as an infant is not considered trauma as it is categorized.

mig100

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:20 pm

amother [ Mintgreen ] wrote:

lol . when I discover the magic trick - ill gladly share it.

In the meantime I've just accepted broken up sleep as reality of my blessed life Smile

tichellady

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:36 pm

Omg, I feel like I’m in an alternate reality. Cry it out is totally fine according to every pediatrician and child psychologist I have spoken to. I didn’t enjoy doing it but I also needed to sleep at some point. So much judgement on this site!!! Also the post about the healthy adults made me laugh. What if someone isn’t a healthy adult? They shouldn’t be allowed to have children? Some people have sleep disorders, migraines, or psychiatric disorders that don’t inhibit their parenting but also really require them not to skip sleep for five years. It’s insane to tell someone that because she’s a mom she needs to give up on sleeping until her kids grow up. No thanks!

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:41 pm

tichellady wrote:

Yuppp.

Co-sleeping is another way to avoid sleep dep, but some people are afraid to or just don't want to. (In my mind it's quite safe when you do it right.) I actually do both with my babies. I put them down drowsy but awake even if it means crying for a bit, but if I go to sleep before the first wake up, there's no way I'm full on getting up for that--we sleep together from there. (If my baby is still nursing.)

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:43 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Yuppp.

Co-sleeping is another way to avoid sleep dep, but some people are afraid to or just don't want to. I actually do both with my babies. I put them down drowsy but awake even if it means crying for a bit, but if I go to sleep before the first wake up, there's no way I'm full on getting up for that--we sleep together from there.

Co sleeping isn’t for everyone. I for one would be up all night if I had a kid in my bed.

tichellady

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 1:43 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Yes but that doesn’t work for everyone for a variety of legitimate reasons. But glad it works for you!