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Saying shame on you to your children
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Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:34 pm
I also teach my kids not to say no when I request something of them. They can say a reason for not wanting to do it, but not just no. For example, I don't have patience, I don't want to, I'm busy now, etc. Teaching them to express their disagreement allows for us to discuss it if I'm ok with them not doing it or if despite what they expressed, my request still stands.
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penguin




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:45 pm
Don't have time to read the thread but reminding me of an aunt who'd yell "what's the MATTER with you?". Though she was very kind & empathetic to me ...

I'd try to substitute "that doesn't 'pahs' for you"
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amother




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Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:45 pm
nchr wrote:
I hear you. I'm not a dayan who can decide in the moment if that no is allowed or not and give over that specific education to my children. I try to not put them in a position to say no. However, since the common understanding is that it is usar to say no to a parent unless that parent tells a child to do something against the Torah chv, I will give that over to my children and I do expect them to not say no to me.

Again:
They don’t have to say “no” I’m that way.
But I believe it’s healthy for them to be able to say “perhaps I can do it later/ a different way/ something else

Otherwise how do you teach them that they have a right to not do something/ do something differently now and when they’re grown out in the world?

And even with me, I’m happy that We have healthy communication
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tp3




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:56 pm
nchr wrote:
I hear you. I'm not a dayan who can decide in the moment if that no is allowed or not and give over that specific education to my children. I try to not put them in a position to say no. However, since the common understanding is that it is usar to say no to a parent unless that parent tells a child to do something against the Torah chv, I will give that over to my children and I do expect them to not say no to me.

I don't really live a life where I'm thinking assur assur assur all the time so it wouldnt even occur to me to expect my kids to say yes. Why would they say yes when it's bedtime or dinner isn't their favorite or when it's time to put their laundry away?
Ideally yes children should listen to their parents but it's a training process throughout childhood. It is dangerous to teach a child that no isn't an option ever.
My kids say no to me more often than they say yes. I'm moichel them. I actually admire their independence and willpower.
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