Are you excited to stay home or not (on roshni hashanah)

amother

Ballota

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 7:40 am

We usually drop our children off by my mother and the younger kids babysit. This year though it's not an option. Always loved davening in shul.

amother

Apple

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 8:19 am

I didn't love going to shul as a single but I would love it now. I just want to feel some inspiration and closeness to the yom tov. I'm going to try going this year. if my toddler doesn't behave I will leave. I did buy some special toys to take along that are shul friendly.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 8:41 am

Our shul has babysitting, so DH and I can both go. If I have a very small baby, it will usually sleep or chill nicely in a baby carrier between feedings and I can bring it.

This year I am staying home with my new baby due to a temporary injury that prevents me from walking to shul. DH is going to shul with all the other kids. But this year is unusual. Normally, I would go too.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 9:06 am

I always enjoyed going to shul, but now I'm much older, and more ill.

I feel weird coming late and needing to leave early. I can't always stand very long, so I have to sit even when the aron is open and the Torah is out. I keep thinking that people are thinking "She looks fine, why is she sitting? Maybe she's not really frum, and doesn't know better."

It's just way too embarrassing, and too exhausting. Maybe if I had a family here I'd feel different, I don't know. My ex never missed a single word of Rosh Hashana and YK, and DD always refused to go. I have all kinds of mixed feelings around the holidays.

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 9:23 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Just an FYI I always see women sitting in shul when the rest stand. Even during shemona esra! I never think they’re not frum enough. I just think they either have an injury I’m not aware of or they simply have no strength to stand.

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 9:28 am

When I started out a friend and I switched off one yom tov (her suggestion). I found watching someone else's kids stressful. Good kids but not my kids' ages. I stayed home quite cheerfully. I did go to shul for parts when my kids were old enough ONLY if they didn't want to go to shul (e.g. child who didn't fast well but could handle well-behaved little siblings). These were their years to go to shul and I wasn't going to impinge.

Now I can come and go as I please. Strange. BH for ArtSroll machzorim, they're wonderful.

ETA: And I felt no guilt for recreational reading (like frum magazines or frum novels). If I davened when I had time, the relaxing was good for me, considering I was on child care duty the whole time.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Mon, Sep 06 2021, 9:29 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 9:28 am

Growing up I always went to shul. I had a designated seat in the front row and Davened along every word. It’s funny, at home I wasn’t interested in davening. In shul I just got this feeling of wanting to Daven and even to shed some tears. Now as a mother im ok staying home but I feel I’m missing on that deep feeling I had in shul and I need to force myself to Daven at home. My baby is 5 (SIF) and I could really leave her with her older sister this year and hop over to shul for a bit. Maybe I’ll do that. Just to awaken that feeling. In my community moms my age mostly stay home so I’ll be with the middle aged women and youngsters which feels kinda weird.

clowny

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 9:39 am

There are stages in life.
I love going to shul when im able to. And I loved staying home when I had only little kids. We have to know our duties. Mother’s of little kids should be staying home imo.

#ibelieve

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 9:52 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Just a little word that gives me chizuk every year. I heard a parable about a king who gave his people a one day opportunity to come over to his palace and ask for their needs. Meanwhile, he reserved a babysitter for his youngsters while the event goes on.
Low and behold, the babysitter shows up in line during the day!
The king yells at her, "You don't need to come and ask for your wants, I will give you whatever you need anyways, Don't worry."
"You were hired to take care of my kids".
We are hired to watch Hashem children, Our "job" is to take care of HIS children now, Iy"h HE will give us what we need regardless.
Gut Yom Tov!

Beautiful thanks for sharing!!!

amother

Ballota

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 10:35 am

clowny wrote:

There are stages in life.
I love going to shul when im able to. And I loved staying home when I had only little kids. We have to know our duties. Mother’s of little kids should be staying home imo.

Some mothers of little kids can take them to be babysat but sisters or neices in that in-between stage or other sisters not in shul.

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 12:15 pm

amother [ Ballota ] wrote:

Some mothers of little kids can take them to be babysat but sisters or neices in that in-between stage or other sisters not in shul.

As long as these girls don't want to be in shul themselves. It's ok if they don't, it can be too much for kids.

naturalmom5

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 1:05 pm

Why is the most obvious menslic choice not on the list

Husband dav visikin
Wife goes for mussaf

Every normal decent family I know does that

I’m sorry but this thread just triggers me

jewishmom6

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 1:07 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Why is the most obvious menslic choice not on the list

Husband dav visikin
Wife goes for mussaf

Every normal decent family I know does that

I’m sorry but this thread just triggers me

why should my husband daven so early when I clearly do not need to be in shul?

a women's job is to watch her kids.

If it works for you, great.

notshanarishona

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 1:08 pm

I am not excited to stay home but I am ok with it. It’s been so many years since I have been to shul for more than a few minutes that it’s not even on my radar. It’s just hard when my husband goes with having to entertain the kids.

amother

Quince

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 1:21 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Why is the most obvious menslic choice not on the list

Husband dav visikin
Wife goes for mussaf

Every normal decent family I know does that

I’m sorry but this thread just triggers me

I’m not very holy and spiritual but I do have a hard time giving up davening as a whole. Dh did the above for a few years. Worked out ok but not great cuz he’d come home super hungry and tired and me leaving him with the kids was very overwhelming. Now I have full time help so she watches the baby. The shul is next door to me so my old ones get a game and a candy and if they need me they come get me but generally I can get in a good 2 hours undisturbed

amother

Begonia

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 1:29 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Why is the most obvious menslic choice not on the list

Husband dav visikin
Wife goes for mussaf

Every normal decent family I know does that

I’m sorry but this thread just triggers me

My husband typically does daven early but that’s so we could have our meal at a normal time and then I can go out for shofar . Typically after watching the kids a few hours I am exhausted and need a nap.
I think the women who manage the kids alone till 3-4 pm on a yom tov are super heroes. I could do that on a weekday where we could go somewhere or do something to entertain but Shabbos and yom tov is that much harder.

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 3:38 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Why is the most obvious menslic choice not on the list

Husband dav visikin
Wife goes for mussaf

Every normal decent family I know does that

I’m sorry but this thread just triggers me

I think that's a great option (assuming husband isn't the chazzan). But if there was a minyan that he really would get a lot out of, I would be happy for him to have the type of davening that will take him through the year. (No, I'm Litvish, I'm not sending him to the rebbe.)
He picked up the pieces in the afternoon.

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 3:39 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

As I said above my husband would pick up the pieces after the meal if need be.

naturalmom5

Mon, Sep 06 2021, 4:22 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Or maybe she is expecting and doesnt show

amother

Cappuccino

Wed, Sep 08 2021, 3:56 pm

So this is something I grapple with.
If we're all sending our kids and babies out to babysitters every other day of the year, why on RH are we suddenly all about that a woman's job is looking after her kids rather than trying to sort out childcare arrangements for at least part of the time?