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How often do you see friends (poll)?
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Poll

How often do you hang out with friends?
2-3x a week  
 2%  [ 3 ]
Once a week  
 9%  [ 12 ]
Once every two weeks  
 4%  [ 6 ]
Once every three weeks  
 4%  [ 6 ]
Once a month  
 13%  [ 17 ]
Once every 2-3 months  
 28%  [ 36 ]
Never  
 37%  [ 48 ]
Total Votes : 128


amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 1:33 pm
I never ever see anyone. Ever. I have no local friends as all my friends moved away. I'm too busy and don't have the energy to meet new people. I'm introverted and have no interest in going out and trying. Just curious what most people do.

Please choose the closest answer for how often you normally hang out with friends.
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chili-n-cholent




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 1:40 pm
It makes a difference if you mean friends or neighbors, my good friends I probably see once a month at the most but neighbors we usually get together every friday night with our kids, or Shabbos afternoon
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momof2+?




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:00 pm
I rarely get together with friends. Once every year or two? Meet them at school functions?
I do talk to the neighbors on Shabbos, but just being friendly and making conversation. We’re not best friends Smile yet Smile
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:04 pm
Really depends but when its decent weather, I see friends at the park on shabbos, dropping off my kids at Pirchei, walking home from work I might run into someone. In the winter I am far less social.
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oakandfig19




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:05 pm
To those of you who answered never, are you okay with it? I haven’t had a social life in almost a year because Ive moved and ive been having some depression from it. Surprised that 35% say never. I understand if you’ve moved, are dealing with a crisis etc, but other than that shouldn’t seeing friends be prioritized? I’m a BT and sometimes I feel that the obsession with perfection in our society has made people so isolated since they spend all their time trying to accomplish everything except taking care of themselves.
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:16 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I never ever see anyone. Ever. I have no local friends as all my friends moved away. I'm too busy and don't have the energy to meet new people. I'm introverted and have no interest in going out and trying. Just curious what most people do.

Please choose the closest answer for how often you normally hang out with friends.


I wanted to chose never, but decided not to vote because I actually saw 2 of them this week when I needed favors.
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:20 pm
oakandfig19 wrote:
To those of you who answered never, are you okay with it? I haven’t had a social life in almost a year because Ive moved and ive been having some depression from it. Surprised that 35% say never. I understand if you’ve moved, are dealing with a crisis etc, but other than that shouldn’t seeing friends be prioritized? I’m a BT and sometimes I feel that the obsession with perfection in our society has made people so isolated since they spend all their time trying to accomplish everything except taking care of themselves.


I live near my close friends. Most have way more children than me, so while I am slightly more flexible and can have bedtime done by 7:30 and time for chill, one has 4 kids, including a 4m old... she is barely surviving.

BH I have sisters and we all saw each other yom tov.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:23 pm
I don't mean seeing in passing or running into coincidentally at the park. I'm specifically referring to scheduled get togethers.
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AlwaysGrateful




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:33 pm
As life gets busier, priorities shift. I still keep in touch with my friends -- but on the phone. My really good friends don't live near me. Our schedules are very busy. Someone always has a newborn or a hard pregnancy or planning a bar mitzvah or something else. So we catch each other on the phone when we can.

I also have "friends" who are my neighbors. I like them a lot. Our conversations usually take place outside and are interrupted every minute or so by a kid who needs help, a toddler who fell down, etc. And the kids are all listening. So it's hard to develop those types of friendships.

But I'm an introvert, and at this stage of my life, I'm fine with this. It doesn't bother me. When my kids are older, I'm sure things will change. But right now, my family is my priority, not my friends. And that's "as it should be" (to quote Mary Poppins).
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:40 pm
You should have had more categories or consolidated a few and added a few. There's a big difference between every 2-3 months and "never."

Also, please define "hang out with friends." To me that's what you do in high school or college: get together spontaneously, informally, between or after classes or on weekends, and kill time one way or another. That's not quite the same as going to each other's houses for Shabbat.

Very few married-with-children have the leisure to "hang out with friends" the way they did when they were single, and even fewer married-with-children-and-employed-outside-the-home.

ETA:Once you're out of school, chances are good that you and many of your friends will no longer live near enough to each other to "hang out" together, even if you and they do have the leisure. That's where letters, phone calls, emails, video calls and videoconferencing come in. Of course you can make new local friends, but as so many threads here show, doing so is often quite difficult.


Last edited by zaq on Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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oakandfig19




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:47 pm
For many people, seeing friends isn’t leisure, it’s self care. There’s no reason why you can’t get a babysitter or have your husband watch the kids while you grab coffee with a friend for an hour.

It’s all about priorities. Friendships are so important for health and well-being. I think if it weren’t for social media people would realize that spending time with likeminded people was a necessity. We’ve replaced human interaction with phone calls and WhatsApp messages. Kinda sad.
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justforfun87




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:54 pm
Does shabbos meals count? We go out to eat often and see friends.Going out alone with a friend happens less often. Maybe every other month.
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Meatballs




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 3:00 pm
Poll doesn’t give a very accurate count cuz the ones spending a lot of time with friends aren’t wasting so much of their free time on imamother
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 3:16 pm
It's hard to see a lot of my friends - life happens, most life in other cities or neighborhoods, and it makes it difficult to see them.

I am goo friends with 3 of my neighbors, so I hang out a lot with them.
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SafeAtLast




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 3:26 pm
Never. I did not attend school in the city I lived, so I never had friends nearby.

At this point I moved even further away, so if I bumped into a friend once in 3 years, that doesn't happen any more either.
None of my friends have text, and I am not a phone person, so there goes that.

Maybe I'll make some new friends eventually, who knows.
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amother




Violet
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 3:48 pm
At weddings/simcha in the community , sometimes a kiddush on shabbos and my neighbors.
I used to go walking with a friend but didn't do that in a while.
Get together with friends with no reasons to, just to spend a nice time? Never. I don't think I ever did! I'm way too busy for that and my friends are the same.
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amother




Amber
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 4:12 pm
My neighbors are my friends.
Also, I’m not sure what “hang out” means. Sometimes we go to shoprite together at night or if I drop something off for her/or her for me, we stand at the door chatting for 10 minutes.
Additionally, on Shabbos afternoon, I may go by one friend and stay for an hour and then go to someone else.
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seeker




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 5:10 pm
I answered 2 weeks as a guess but really it's more sporadic. Sometimes I'll get together with a few in a row and sometimes it'll be a while. And I'm including things like having a Shabbos meal together and being in the park with our kids at the same time (you said "hang out" not "go out." I go out with friends deliberately more like a few times a year)
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yo'ma




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 5:37 pm
I vote other, which is not there. Local friend, once in a never, but I’m not that close with her because we never built up the relationship because she’s always busy. My long distance friends, who I’m closer with, whenever I go to my hometown or try to.
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amother




Burntblack
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:33 pm
I see neighbors on shabbos, maybe chap a shmooze every other week?
Friends, uh… hmmm. A friend of mine and her dh come for shabbos once every few months? We had a HS reunion about five months ago, I’m still enjoying the memories of that.
I have a WhatsApp chat with my sisters.

I’m sociable but am an introvert and enjoy my own company or that of dh and kids more than anything. I work remotely and love it (sometimes I work from my laptop in a cafe or library which is as social as it gets for me even if I don’t say a word.) I love nothing more than a quiet evening with paperwork and a coffee or even just cleaning up with the music on. Every so often I need to interact with humans other than my family, so then on shabbos I’ll say hi to a neighbor and talk for ten, fifteen minutes.

My sister is the opposite and can’t function without seeing and working with people people people all day!!! Ughhhhh.
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