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amother




Snowflake
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:41 pm
99% of the time I wouldn't even blink. I overcook anyhow so I really don't mind.

It happened to be though that one time I splurged on duck legs for dinner and made exactly ONE per person and then my ILs walked in with 2 of my nephews who were staying with them - but nobody told me - and these were teen boys who ate A LOT of food. Awkward!
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 10:44 pm
I dream about things like this, only that I forgot to cook for Shabbos and 15 people are coming!

The truth is, one extra person is no biggie. And it usually works out fine! Sometimes you feel a bit panicked, but ultimately, that extra guest is usually the person you're the happiest that you've had over.
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 11:35 pm
For us was no big deal and we were so happy we could do it host and be welcoming B”H
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amother




NeonPurple
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:00 am
Outwardly - set another place setting. There's always more than enough food.

Inwardly - he must have told me about the friend, and I must have forgotten. Oops!
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amother




Honeysuckle
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:01 am
For those who say no big deal, how many around your table normally? Two extra people if you’re already serving eight is probably no big deal. Two extra people when you planned to serve a total of three is quite a big deal indeed. Maybe you prepared a little extra so you have four chicken legs, not three, but four chicken legs divided by five adults simply doesn’t compute.

Object lesson here is if you invite bocherim , always assume there will be a couple of mitshleppers and prepare accordingly. Foods that don’t have set portions are best: loaf gefilte fish, not individual balls, so you can slice thinner; cholent instead of chicken pieces so you can dish out smaller portions, that sort of thing. And prepare more than you think you’ll need.

At one time my dh was inviting new people who showed up to shul. I would routinely set two extra place settings so in case he brought home guests, it should look as if I expected them and not make them embarrassed to see me scrambling to re-set the table. Whatever changes I had to make in the kitchen they didn’t have to see.
ETA and if he brought home three people I would just slap my forehead, say “Ugh, did I count wrong again? I was sure I put out X plates” and bring in a third place setting. But dh never did bring home more than two.
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amother




SandyBrown
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So I dont think I phrased it well. I meant your inner reaction.


I wouldn’t mind.
I’d assume the guy had no place to eat and I’d he happy I’m taking care of someone else’s child and I could do the real mitzvah of hachnasos orchim and feed someone who has no place to go.
And hope someone would do the same for my child if they were ever in that situation.

Now I have a big family and it’s not an issue.

When we were newlyweds I had times when I served myself water with carrots instead of soup. Or stretched the chicken over a salad. It still felt right.
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Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 4:15 am
amother [ Honeysuckle ] wrote:
For those who say no big deal, how many around your table normally? Two extra people if you’re already serving eight is probably no big deal. Two extra people when you planned to serve a total of three is quite a big deal indeed. Maybe you prepared a little extra so you have four chicken legs, not three, but four chicken legs divided by five adults simply doesn’t compute.

Object lesson here is if you invite bocherim , always assume there will be a couple of mitshleppers and prepare accordingly. Foods that don’t have set portions are best: loaf gefilte fish, not individual balls, so you can slice thinner; cholent instead of chicken pieces so you can dish out smaller portions, that sort of thing. And prepare more than you think you’ll need.

At one time my dh was inviting new people who showed up to shul. I would routinely set two extra place settings so in case he brought home guests, it should look as if I expected them and not make them embarrassed to see me scrambling to re-set the table. Whatever changes I had to make in the kitchen they didn’t have to see.
ETA and if he brought home three people I would just slap my forehead, say “Ugh, did I count wrong again? I was sure I put out X plates” and bring in a third place setting. But dh never did bring home more than two.


I have guests every week, and almost always unepected guests. Actually I always have extra chicken. Not everyone eats a whole quarter. esp after fish and soup. If unexpected guests turn up, cut your quarters into 8ths and you will be fine. Ditto with salmon, cut in half. Gefilta fish can be sliced thinly. DO NOT do what I once experienced, the hostess served her husband and my husband a pc of chicken each and there was none left for me and her. She could easily have cut the chicken up. And don't do without food yourself. If you want to keep on hosting with a full heart you should not be the one suffering. It's uncomfortable for your guests if they see you not eating chicken.

If you make a typical frum meal with fish, salad, dips, soup, meat or chicken and sides - that is already enough food for extra people.

If this is a regular occurence buy things like smoked fish, deli etc that you can easily pull out to stretch a meal.
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Teomima




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 5:00 am
amother [ Honeysuckle ] wrote:
For those who say no big deal, how many around your table normally? Two extra people if you’re already serving eight is probably no big deal. Two extra people when you planned to serve a total of three is quite a big deal indeed. Maybe you prepared a little extra so you have four chicken legs, not three, but four chicken legs divided by five adults simply doesn’t compute.

I don't think I have ever cooked purely based on the number of expected mouths to feed. If I make chicken, I don't make a leg a person, rather cook a whole bird or a whole pack of parts. It's easy enough to stretch no matter how many people are there, or enough for leftovers if no one shows up.

We hosted far more often when it was just dh and I. But I found it just as easy to feed extra mouths then as I do now with six at home.
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amother




Aster
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 6:58 am
I wouldn't have a reaction. I can see this happening, I'd just go with it.
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amother




Cyclamen
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 7:34 am
amother [ Honeysuckle ] wrote:
For those who say no big deal, how many around your table normally? Two extra people if you’re already serving eight is probably no big deal. Two extra people when you planned to serve a total of three is quite a big deal indeed. Maybe you prepared a little extra so you have four chicken legs, not three, but four chicken legs divided by five adults simply doesn’t compute.

If we have guests, then we normally have 6-8 adults and 6-12 children. If it's just our family, it is 2 adults and three little children, plus a new baby who doesn't eat solids at all yet.

When it's just our family, we make a package of quarters, which is four legs and four thighs. We always have leftovers.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 7:41 am
You all are much kinder than me Smile I found it completely presumptuous on the original guests part to show up with extra people (it was definitely clear that he was coming alone and the extra guest had a place to eat otherwise)
If DH would do it it would be one thing. He knows my opinion on the subject and usually is aware of the food situation. For a guest to bring extra I think is just weird.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 7:46 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So I dont think I phrased it well. I meant your inner reaction.

My inner reaction would be to wonder why he didn't call ahead of time to let me know. At least give me the time to set an extra place at the table so the guest feels welcome and not awkward.

We always prepare more food than is needed, so that is not an issue.

Th only time it would be a problem is if there is a huge crowd and adding one more will make everybody squished.

(Although honestly, I would prefer that he asked ahead of time... )
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:48 am
amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:


When we were newlyweds I had times when I served myself water with carrots instead of soup. Or stretched the chicken over a salad. It still felt right.


You're a tzadekes.
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amother




Honeysuckle
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:49 am
Raisin wrote:
I have guests every week, and almost always unepected guests. Actually I always have extra chicken. Not everyone eats a whole quarter. esp after fish and soup. If unexpected guests turn up, cut your quarters into 8ths and you will be fine. .


How can you serve an adult one chicken wing or drumstick?
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:53 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
For a guest to bring extra I think is just weird.


It is certainly the wrong thing to do. Ein oreach machnis oreach. But many bocherim take a lot for granted, including that people who host them are simply delighted to host extra people without prior notice. Let's be dlkz and assume that their moms are from the tribe of "the more, the merrier" and no one ever taught them otherwise.
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Chickensoupprof




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:53 am
I would feel uncomfortable but I don't like unexpected things anyway. I would feel uncomfortable but I would let it slide. I find it hard to host anyway because if it is going to be late it would mean I can not go to my bed when I want or sit on the couch to read something... That is what bothers me. Shabbos day is different I guess but I hosted 4 times.

However if someone asks me now 'make a kimpeturin meal now' I do it in a heartbeat and with kvitas haderech I have something

Edit: Dutch culture is really about times and inviting people... Basicially it is normal to sent your guests away during the week at 17:00 because they are going to cook and eat.
I know about refugees or immigrants from Africa, Turkey and Marocco or Dutch people from Suriname and Antilles that it's uncalled for. But it is... If I visit the regular Dutch person between 5 and 6 they will send me home because they are eating.
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amother




Cappuccino
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 9:36 am
we were invited out my son whio is thirty showed up and the host did not set an extra plate they had plenty of food my son left the person who hosted us twice before showed up to our home with two in\\

uninvited guest and I set plates for them
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 9:48 am
I think Zaq and Chickensoupprof really nailed it. It seems to be a cultural thing. It's kind of like when the neighbor kids run in and out of your house, raiding the freezer looking for ices. Some people expect it, and some people hate it.

I would happily stretch the food, but later I would gently pull the bochur aside and tell him "I'm sure people love having an extra guest or two, but you need to tell them in advance because the hosts want to make sure that there is enough food for everybody. They would be so embarrassed if they didn't have enough!"

That should make enough of an impression that he got the message, but still doing it in a kind and inviting way.
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 9:57 am
amother [ Snowflake ] wrote:
99% of the time I wouldn't even blink. I overcook anyhow so I really don't mind.

It happened to be though that one time I splurged on duck legs for dinner and made exactly ONE per person and then my ILs walked in with 2 of my nephews who were staying with them - but nobody told me - and these were teen boys who ate A LOT of food. Awkward!


What did you do?
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heidi




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 10:20 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
You all are much kinder than me Smile I found it completely presumptuous on the original guests part to show up with extra people (it was definitely clear that he was coming alone and the extra guest had a place to eat otherwise)
If DH would do it it would be one thing. He knows my opinion on the subject and usually is aware of the food situation. For a guest to bring extra I think is just weird.

I'm with you OP
In all my 3 decades of hosting guests-- and I have had families, bochurim, seminary girls, older singles, divorcees, never and I mean never has someone brought an extra person without checking with me first.
I would find it incredibly rude.
I mean where was this guest raised?
I would smile and have enough food but Lord knows the original guest would never be invited back.
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