Full time working moms… HOW??

oakandfig19

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 5:40 pm

zaq wrote:

You hang on by your teeth and fingernails and endure until your kids are older. Survival mode as amother bone calls it.
You set priorities and attend only to the highest ones.
You pare things down to the absolute essentials. You buy with an eye to low maintenance, not to high fashion.
You teach your children from the earliest possible age to do household chores and then accept the way they do them.
You multitask.
You adapt to sleeping 4- 6 hours a night.
You use your lunch break for anything you can accomplish in the time allotted, whether it's banking or shopping or exercising. You do nutty things like buying dried beans on your lunch break, rinsing them and soaking them in your thermos so they're ready to cook when you get home. You keep shoe polish and a rag at work so you can shine your shoes if you get to work a few minutes early or while you're on the phone.
If you use mass transit, rejoice! You can do so much en route, from small mending projects to balancing your checkbook to planning the week's menus to sleeping (only if your transit system is safe enough to allow this) to isometric exercises to meditation to emailing via smartphone.
You read every book and article you can find on time management and adopt something from every one of them.

4-6 hours a night? I don’t think most people adapt to that, they crash. But maybe that’s just me, I used to work super full time but after baby I’m wanting to cut down drastically because I’m so exhausted every day. Even after 7 hours of sleep…I just can’t imagine 4-6 hrs of sleep being a long term thing.

amother

Azalea

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 8:33 am

amother [ Clear ] wrote:

Ppl on this site are always kvetching that they work full time have no cleaning etc. I am talking specifically now about people who still have kids in preschool- I do not know a single person in real life that works full time with no help. Full time meaning 40 hours a week. I personally have 4 kids, oldest is in third grade and work 9-4 Monday thru thursday. That is 28 hours a week and technically part time and that’s a lot and I work one of the most hours of my friends. The few people that I know that are legit working 40 hours a week with kids in preschool all have full time help in the house so they are not dealing with carpools and much of the housework is off their head too.

FYI:

I don't know where you live, but you have some nerve assuming that everyone has the same conveniences as you. Just because "everyone you know" who works fulltime has fulltime help doesn't mean everyone does. I certainly didn't, and neither did any of my friends or sisters. When I had four kids under four, I was away from home from 6:00 am to 4:30 pm five days a week, often had to be away from home overnight on business, and had NO household help, let alone full time help. No, I lie; for about a year and a half I had a cleaner for two hours once every two weeks. That's it, and I was grateful for it when I had it. Fridays in December I'd get home with just enough time to boil water and take a three-minute shower before candlelighting. The only thing I didn't have to deal with was carpool because I sent my kids to a school they could walk to. I wasn't in love with the school but we didn't have a car, and in any case I wanted them to go to school near home so in case they got sick in the middle of the day they could be brought home quickly.

amother

IndianRed

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 8:41 am

I work at least 50 hours every week and often more and my husband works about 45 hours a week. We have not had any household help since the pandemic. Before that, we had a crew come weekly to clean the house, which we would tidy up beforehand, and no other cleaning help. We have four children, ages newborn to seven years old.

We are very lucky to have local grandparents who usually volunteer to take the kids on random days when school is closed, chol hamoed, and during the days between camp and school. We could get by without their help, and have before when they lived in another state, but it's a big help to have them locally. Otherwise, we rely on full time daycare for the baby and the other kids are at school from 8:15 to 4.

amother

Sand

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 9:02 am

amother [ Azalea ] wrote:

Wow, I have no idea how you read that into what she said.

I agree with the other poster, I personally do not know anyone who works full time (past the early two/three children stage) without lots and lots of support. (Oh, ok, once the kids are in school, maybe....). It may be we live in different communities, but it is just as close minded to assume that everyone is the same as you (you and your sisters/friends) as it is for us to assume that everyone is the same as us. We live in pretty big communities with thousands and thousands of families, so I think her point stands.

I'm sorry you worked so hard and it sounds impossible. My sincerest sympathies, I hope things are better for you now Angel

amother

Sage

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 9:21 am

amother [ Clear ] wrote:

You don’t me either!

We only know who we know. Just cuz we don’t know anyone who does this doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist .

Zehava

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 9:28 am

amother [ Azalea ] wrote:

Oy that sounds so hard I’m sorry. I hope your schedule is more forgiving these days.

amother

Ebony

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 9:28 am

amother [ Clear ] wrote:

Not to hijack this thread, but I find this very offensive. I work 60+ hours a week, I still have a little one younger than preschool age, and I have NO HELP AT ALL. No cleaning help. No high school girls. No tutors. Wait, let me take it back: I have a freezer, toaster oven, microwave, washing machine, dishwasher, swiffer and other "easier" cleaning tools that the kids are occasionally interested in using, structure, organization, and reduced expectations.

And no, I do not have financial support from family and no parents or in laws in town or nearby.

zaq

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 9:43 am

amother [ Bottlebrush ] wrote:

These threads depress me. I only have 2 kids and working 9-4 and life is busy but manageable.
Is this what's in store for me when I have more kids? 😳 I don't wanna live in survival mode for 20 years while raising my kids. I want to enjoy life.

If you want to enjoy a life of leisure, don't have kids. But if you intend to keep having kids for 20 years, you're not in survival mode the whole time if you teach your kids to do household chores when they're little. By the time they're tweens they should be pulling their own weight to a good extent. An 8 year old can run a washer; a six-year-old can fold and put away laundry; a 13-year-old can do basic cooking and ironing. A three year old can sort laundry into dark and light and a two year old can put his toys away and carry things from the room where they are to the room where they belong--you have to tell him which room, of course. A six-to- eight-year-old can run a vacuum or mop a floor and make his bed.Not as well as you can, but this is chinuch. It's called a "learning curve."

I don't suggest having a five-year-old peel vegetables but he can scrub them. The eight-year-old can peel them and the twelve-year-old can grate them or you can run the food processor. A twelve-year-old can make salad.

Mommy1:)

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 9:49 am

zaq wrote:

"...teach your kids to do household chores when they're little. By the time they're tweens they should be pulling their own weight to a good extent. An 8 year old can run a washer; a six-year-old can fold and put away laundry; a 13-year-old can do basic cooking and ironing. A three year old can sort laundry into dark and light and a two year old can put his toys away and carry things from the room where they are to the room where they belong--you have to tell him which room, of course. A six-to- eight-year-old can run a vacuum or mop a floor and make his bed.Not as well as you can, but this is chinuch. It's called a "learning curve."

I don't suggest having a five-year-old peel vegetables but he can scrub them. The eight-year-old can peel them and the twelve-year-old can grate them or you can run the food processor. A twelve-year-old can make salad.

I agree with this. My 2 year old knows which drawers each item of clothing goes into. She helps load and empty the dishwasher, helps set and clean the table, put away the shoes, brings dirty laundry to the washing machine, cover light switches for shabbos, picks up toys from the floor... Kids love to help, and it's not work for them if you are singing and smiling and encouraging and praising.

Edited to add context- my 2 year old does 1 to 2 of these each day for a few minutes at the most.

Last edited by Mommy1:) on Fri, Nov 05 2021, 11:38 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Chestnut

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 9:57 am

zaq wrote:

Just throwing it out there, there’s another option. Have kids but not for 20 years Wink

. Of course you can enjoy life with children, I don’t think she meant a life of ‘leisure.’

amother

Chocolate

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 10:00 am

Mommy1:) wrote:

That’s a lot for a two year old.

Zehava

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 10:07 am

zaq wrote:

Or just do the world a favor and go on birth control if your only other option is giving birth to a bunch of indentured servants

Mommy1:)

Fri, Nov 05 2021, 11:11 am

Zehava wrote:

Or just do the world a favor and go on birth control if your only other option is giving birth to a bunch of indentured servants

Nothing wrong with teaching self-sufficiency and independence at a younger age. Makes them stronger and less reliant on others as they get older. I'd rather raise my kids to be strong and independent, then need someone to do everything for them. Both boys and girls.