WHY are our kids still getting homework

BrisketBoss

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:04 pm

small bean wrote:

My kids do it 99.9% of the time.

Mandatory without exception? It is not fair to place that burden on kids. Even I dont have mandatory chores..if I cant get to it than it will wait.

Chilling with a book or on the phone or on the couch with me or even all 3 in one night is fine. They live very productive lives.

I am going to add all my kids have farm chores also, from cleaning cages, to putting thr chickens to bed, collecting eggs etc. They all make time for it.

I think if anything the fact that there is flexability takes away the chore aspect and makes it something they just do.

Sounds very cool.

When I was a teenager, I...was on Facebook. I think your kids have it better.

amother

Beige

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:10 pm

So the work you ladies are describing sounds very appropriate for a HS girl at home. If your daughter has a very easy time with studying, that's great for her. That's not the case with all girls.your daughter can take on a hobby or learn extra things on her own.

tryinghard

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:20 pm

Going back to the OP -

Years ago, my kids' school did an experiment. I think it was 6 weeks without homework and then 6 weeks with. And then they surveyed kids, parents and teachers. And the overwhelming response was in favor of homework.

That being said, it still makes a difference how MUCH they are getting. I don't like it when my kids have a ton of work. But I think they are much better off having at least a little homework every day.

amother

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:27 pm

tryinghard wrote:

[quote]

Nice that at least they tried this. Why was it in favor of hw?

Ema of 5

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:35 pm

amother [ Narcissus ] wrote:

What should a teen be doing from 5:00 - 11:00 every evening?

No one said don’t chill, but chilling for hours and not doing any work and not helping at all at home is not healthy. My kids all have jobs/chores. 5:00-11:00 should be spent snack/supper, studying, eating, shower, a few hours of down time, chores/helping out.
I think there’s also a difference between chores and “I need help.” My daughter has chores, but I also need her help a few nights a week. I will prep dinner, but a couple of nights a week I need her to give it to the younger kids, and herself if she wants to eat. She is super resentful of the fact that my doing carpool means she needs to step up, because neither I nor my husband are home. Is it fair? Absolutely not! But right now it’s what needs to be done. On the other hand, she is not at all resentful of having to do her chores, because everyone has chores. Every member of the family should be expected to help, the question is in what way? Regular jobs are fine, but I think doing things that a parent normally does (like my daughter does) should only be done as needed, and after a discussion woth the child. It should not be an expectation.

small bean

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:41 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

I have this with my 8th grader now. Twice a week when im doing carpool, she often finishes supper prep, watches the baby etc. And I just decided on those nights she doesnt have an additonal chore, this is her chore instead.

Ema of 5

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:45 pm

amother [ Narcissus ] wrote:

What do you consider help with home?
For a high school girl

Personally I don’t believe any child care is another child responsibility
No bathing, bedtime, diaper change.

They can help clean their room. Put away their laundry. Clean up their messes. Things relating to them.
Bake if they enjoy it.
Clean up after they eat.
Help straighten up in honor of Shabbos
I can’t imagine giving them other household tasks.

I think my kids have amazing kibud av v’aim and derech eretz.

If they ask to take kid on walk or offer to do something I won’t say no. But it isn’t expected.

All of those things are basic chores that they should be doing anyway.
Our chores list consists of
Take out and replace garbage bags
Take tied up garbage out to the cans
Wash dinner dishes or put them in the dishwasher
Sweep the floor in the kitchen
Straighten up the living room
Put in and switch laundry
Put laundry from the dryer into a clean hamper

Things that should not be expected of teens
Consistent diaper changing
Consistent giving a bath to younger kids
Consistent bedtime with younger kids
Consistent giving younger kids dinner
Consistent doing homework with younger kids

Ema of 5

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:48 pm

small bean wrote:

Exactly. I have carpool three nights a week, and it’s a disaster, but I have no choice. I don’t expect anything else from her on the nights when I ash her to help. When I’m home by 7:00 I don’t ask her to do anything except remind her brother to do his homework. She doesn’t have to do it with him, or make sure that he does it. Just remind him to do it. When I get home at 8:00, I’ll just ask her to give the younger kids supper.

keym

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:53 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

Personality dependent.
I usually give my daughter choices. 9/10 she will choose to do homework with my 2nd grader or bathe my 5 year old rather than hang a load or load the dishwasher.

amother

Snow

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 1:58 pm

amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:

Huh?! For real? The girls go to school and learn all about kibud av v'em and how important it is to respect and honor your parents. And help them. And then they literally rob your child away from doing the great mitzvah they teach your kid! What a hypocritical approach to "teaching middos" to our children.
Helping the mother in the house IS priority.
Our brains are so screwed up!

My oldest is a daughter in 9th grade. I expect her to help me on Friday afternoons but not on a regular school night. She has too much work to do and she needs to unwind a little before bed. I mean, I do expect her to clear her own plate at the dinner table and in general clean up after herself, but I don't ask her to do much around the house on a weeknight. The only thing she must do is come say goodnight to her younger siblings when they go to bed because they get upset if she doesn't.

tp3

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 2:20 pm

amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:

No girls dont learn all about kibbud av vaim in school. They learn chumash, navi, yahadus, dikduk, halacha, social skills, and much more.
Your daughter is not your little slave for homework to rob away from you. Daughters are allowed to have hours of free time so they can decide how they like to fill it.
Doing your housework and childcare chores is not her mitzva of kibbud av vaim.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 2:35 pm

amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:

Um, I'm not sure helping your parents is part of the Halachos of Kibbud Av V'Aim. Honoring and respecting them, yes. Managing your household for you, taking care of your kids, etc....I'm not so sure.

As to helping the mother in the house being a priority...I disagree. The priority is to raise healthy (emotionally and physically and spiritually) Bnos Yisrael who will B"EH in the future establish their own homes (and not feel burnt out by the time they get there.)

amother

Razzmatazz

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 2:36 pm

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

I disagree. It IS her job to help in the home. She is certainly not overworked, but ,yes, she needs to help out at home. The girls can do school work in school and minimal school work at home. There's no reason 5o bombard them with studying for hours every night.

My observation is that some girls exaggerate the amount of time needed to study to be fully prepared for tests etc....some because they thrive on drama (normal for teenagers) or tbh because it gives them a way to be excused from household chores-- they are overwhelmed with their mothers' expectations. It's easier to stretch out your math homework or chumash review or call your BFF to "study" then to clean up from supper or take charge of younger sibs' bedtime routine on a regular basis....(I say this based on observations of my own friends when I was in school.)

keym

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 2:39 pm

In general I'm going to be the voice of dissention.
I agree that up to 5/6th grade, homework should be minimal- chazara, kriah, spelling test review, multiplication flashcards.

I went to a high school that had the hashkafa of virtually no homes and reports and quizzes. And college was quite challenging for me. I had no idea how to divide my time and break up term papers homework, tests into bite-size manageable pieces.

That's a huge part of what my kids learn-either with me or their teachers in middle and high school.
A report is due in 3 weeks, how do you divide it so you're not scrambling the last minute.
How to start studying in advance a little bit. How to prioritize.

These are all actually life lessons not limited to school.

amother

DarkYellow

Thu, Nov 04 2021, 3:18 pm

amother [ Clover ] wrote:

One thing parents don't realize is that the school day is much shorter from the inside than it appears. Teaching high school English, I have 40 minute periods. That means taking attendance (schools demand this), a 2 minute starter question/discussion/activity to bring them into the lesson, 10-15 minutes explaining the new writing concept, a few minutes practice with a partner, and then applying the concept to their work... and there goes the bell. We never have enough time.

Still, I am very strict about not allowing students to write at home. Some students beg to be allowed to work at home where it's quiet (?) or they have the space to focus, so clearly there's no pleasing everyone.

High school homework usually at least doesn't put pressure on parents.
I agree that you need longer lessons in high school. Don't you ever have double lessons?

Why can't high school students write at home if they want to? I would gove homework over a longer period of time so they can better plan their time.