What are your family rules

amother

Linen

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 9:50 pm

amother [ Snowdrop ] wrote:

Wow, I never thought of myself as a chilled mother, but we have almost none of these rules TMI

Writing it out it sounds like a bunch of really strict rules. No doing this, no doing that.

In reality I'm really chilled and we have lots of fun.

I have adhd and my house can get topsy turvy in no time. I'm actually really proud when we get to establish a bedtime routine, or when I do a chart for something (for example hanging up coat and briefcase) and kids get into habit of doing it. It's hard for me to be consistent, but I feel like I'm doing them a favor by teaching them how to do things properly and orderly.

amother

Brickred

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 9:52 pm

I thought we had rules but reading this made me realize I’m not so strict after all. Our rules are to wash hands when entering the house. Food only in the kitchen and my littles need to wash up after eating if they are messy. No shoes in the house most of the time.
The ones who don’t let friends around the house, isn’t that hard on your kids? It’s nice for kids to bring their friends into their rooms.
Also why dont you let your kid have snack before school? You don’t want them hungry in school?

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 10:38 pm

Some interesting rules that evolved from ‘interesting’ activities I never thought ppl would dream of but my kids did:
1) when climbing trees, only climb as high as your willing and ready to fall
2) you can spray the hose at someone only if they have given you permission
And no hosing towards the house
3) snowballs below the shoulders only
4) the chickens may NOT come into the house, and not into the car either.
5) if you want to sit or stand on a table, wait till you have your own house.
6) flour may NOT be used in your fights with your sister
7) no books in the bathroom
8) no milchigs for ANYONE till 6 hours after we finished our cholent, no exceptions.
9) you may not ask, when is dinner. You need to say, what can I do to help dinner be ready?
10) bring one for yourself and for everyone else at the table.
11) no outdoor stuff may come inside (think bugs, sticks, feathers…)
These are not really rules, it’s just our family shtick if I can call it that….

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 10:47 pm

I guess some of my rules are:
- you can play ball in the house, but not in the living room when the shabbos candles are lit
- you can Rollerblade in the house, but not on the carpet
- you can jump on any of the couches, but not the beds
- no electronics with friends on school days
- you can eat anywhere, but not in rooms with carpet
- only one cup of juice a day
- no talking in the car until your seat belt is buckled
- you must take a bath/shower after swimming
- you must take a bath/shower on Friday

Can't think of anything else off hand

pause

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 10:53 pm

No name-calling
No using hands or feet. You gotta talk nicely.
You need to ask permission before going out or opening the front door for someone. (Basic safety rule)
If you took it out, put it back. (This is a very challenging one, but slowly the older ones are learning...)
Eat ices only on the porch or outdoors.
After a Shabbos or YT seudah, everyone helps to clear the table before getting dessert.

tryinghard

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 11:29 pm

No shoes on the carpet
No good upstairs
No turning on the outside faucet without permission.
Knock on shut doors, particularly master bedroom.
No locking bathroom or other doors (really only applies to smaller kids at risk of locking themselves in).
Tell an adult if you are leaving the house
Check in with a parent after school before running off to play
I used to have a strict “if you asked for food, then you eat it” policy - ie, as opposed to if it was served to you without you asking. So if they requested or served themselves something, they needed to finish it. It decreased waste and eyes-bigger-than-the-stomachs issue.

amother

Peru

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 11:37 pm

amother [ Snowdrop ] wrote:

Wow, I never thought of myself as a chilled mother, but we have almost none of these rules TMI

Same here...should I go for parenting classes? TMI

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 11:45 pm

Some not-quite-rules but sort of:

If your clothes are in your personal hamper, they will be sorted and folded. If your clothes are on the floor or in the general hamper, they will not be folded. (This one is usually enforced.)

After a meal you are expected to put your dishes in the sink and say a Bracha Acharona. (This one is much harder to enforce.)

amother

DarkCyan

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 11:47 pm

mommyhood wrote:

If you ask a question when I’m in the bathroom the answer will always be no.

Mommy, is it a problem if I raid the pantry? Tongue Out

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 12:01 am

mra01385 wrote:

How are all these rules enforced?

This is why we have so few rules in our home... because a rule is useless unless you enforce it.

If I am at the table when the kids are finished eating, it's relatively simple to remind them to clear their place. But if I'm in the kitchen, putting the baby to bed, or sitting on the couch, I will likely not notice that they left the table and went off to play. And during bedtime I generally do not encourage detours to finish off unfinished business from earlier in the day, I want them IN BED! ASAP!

The rules that actually stick are like the ones where they are asking me for something, and then I can whip out my trusty "did you daven yet?" and "as long as this will not bring machlokes."

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 12:07 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I did not see any rules about speaking respectfully to parents.

Or doing assigned chores.

Are those just "givens" that don't have to mentioned?

I don't call it a "rule," but if a child is not speaking nicely to me I will say "that's not how we talk to a mommy."

I'm ADHD and always had trouble with chores, so I don't expect it to be easy for my kids. If I say "we are going to spend 5 minutes straightening up the room," I expect them to cooperate, and if I say "your room is a mess, please do something about it" I expect them to listen. But it's not really a rule, just the way things work in this house.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 2:36 am

I really love the one with no eating/food upstairs. Have you found it much easier cleaning for Pesach with that Happening? how do small children play on the lower level of the home if the parents arent around to watch? (I think someone wrote about friends not playing in the upstairs part).

SuperWify

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:42 am

Water guns outside and in the bath only. No shooting your sister.
No shooting anyone with your nerf gun unless you have their permission first
If you take ices or ice cream without permission I will not buy the next week
1 freeze pop a day without asking mommy. After that you need to ask
Wash hands before dinner
No peeing anywhere else but in the toilet
Call mommy to wipe you
No hitting
No breakfast before getting dressed in a school day
No crossing the street
No leaving the house without permission
No going to the neighbors without permission

DreamerForever

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 4:44 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

A few of the others mentioned above including:
1) washing hands before eating
2) don’t ask mom for anything while she’s drinking coffee

This is a cardinal rule.

Plus: ''No, you can't have this piece of chocolate. It's my precious coffee accompaniment''