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Please help. How will I do it? (emotional post)
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:01 am
Im going to be alone for a few shabbosis this summer (the reason is not relevant here, but this cant be changed). For the last while Ive been very unsure if I want to be frum. I have a lot of anger towards hashem, not getting into it now. Its been hard for me to not turn on my phone while DH is in shul (kids go with him). I never use it when anyone else is home. But being alone for an entire shabbos is going to play crazy on my yetzer hara. And I dont know what im going to do. How will I not turn my phone on? I want to be strong, but Im not sure how I will be able to. Any bright ideas?
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amother




Phlox
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:03 am
Will you be alone alone, or just without DH?
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mrsnistar




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:05 am
I wish I had ideas for you... But just saying how much I admire you for wanting to make it work so badly. That's heroic. Wishing you strength and peace and the ability to stick to your goals. Hugs.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:09 am
I assume that your kids will be with you and not go to shul on Shabbat because DH isn't there. Prepare and Prepare more. Yummy Yummy food. Lots of desserts. Lots of books, magazines. Games. Not sure what age kids you have, but try to get out. It's you and your kids now. Focus is on your kids. Ask neighbors to come over in the afternoon. Maybe you can invite a friend over with kids for the whole Shabbat. Wishing you a true lovely time with your children.
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ROFL




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:09 am
Can you plan to have meals with other people in the community. You can invite them to you and have a long lunch so your day I spent with people.
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doodlesmom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:11 am
If it’s only your phone, maybe put some screen time restriction on it for the day….or whatever…
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fleetwood




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:12 am
What I would do is leave it with a neighbor.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:15 am
Hugs! And hatzlacha! I have some thoughts but I'll wait to see if you answer if you'll be all by yourself or with your kids.
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amother




Whitesmoke
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:19 am
fleetwood wrote:
What I would do is leave it with a neighbor.


How do you explain to the neighbor why you're leaving your phone at their house?

OP, when I was coming up with solutions to keep electronics away from my kids (not for shabbos - just in general) I came across this device called a Timer Lock Container specifically designed to deal with electronics dependance. Once you drop your phone in and set the timer there is no going back. Sold on Amazon.

Or if you have a car maybe just leave your phone in the car. I doubt you'd be willing to go outside and get it out when people could be watching.

Wishing you strength and clarity in whatever you're dealing with.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:19 am
amother [ Phlox ] wrote:
Will you be alone alone, or just without DH?
Alone alone.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:21 am
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
I assume that your kids will be with you and not go to shul on Shabbat because DH isn't there. Prepare and Prepare more. Yummy Yummy food. Lots of desserts. Lots of books, magazines. Games. Not sure what age kids you have, but try to get out. It's you and your kids now. Focus is on your kids. Ask neighbors to come over in the afternoon. Maybe you can invite a friend over with kids for the whole Shabbat. Wishing you a true lovely time with your children.
No, kids and DH wont be there. Nobody.
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amother




Phlox
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:22 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Alone alone.


Oy, that's hard! Can you eat with friends? Arrange to have friends over?
Stock up on lots of reading material but also get out as reading, reading, reading will just make you fall asleep.
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:34 am
The best would be if you can eat out meals and visit someone shabbos afternoon. Is that doable at all?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:40 am
For all of those saying I can eat out and to get good reading material, Ill do all of that. But shabbos is very long. And its not watching things Ill do on my phone. Ill play games or read things, as well.
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amother




Pearl
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:42 am
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time.

Being that the emotional aspect of this will take time to resolve and you don't have too much time until you are faced with this challenge, I would focus on the practical aspect and figure out ways to stay away from the phone. Leaving it somewhere is one example.

Or distraction is another great tool. Can you get yourself some exciting books that will keep you busy? How about finding some company for the endless afternoons?

You can also promise yourself a reward for staying distracted and not giving into temptation.

Good luck! Praying for you.
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:44 am
I spent a number of shabbosim alone when I was an older single. It's tough but I managed ok.
My tips:
Make shabbos at the regular time, not early.
Try to have good food, maybe treat yourself to a bottle of good wine if you enjoy that. Use disposables only to make things easy.
Have as much reading material as you can. I had a hard time concentrating on longer books, so I'd buy all the frum magazines. I made sure to have a shabbos lamp next to my bed so if I couldn't sleep, I could at least read. I stayed in bed late if I wanted, usually with my favorite iced coffee I'd bought special & my reading material.
Eat lunch late to break up the long afternoon.
If it was good weather, I'd go for a walk, sometimes Friday night (obviously only if you live in a safe area), usually 2x during the day. (If you do have a friend to invite or visit, that makes a huge difference, though I usually didn't. When I say I spent Shabbos alone, I mean alone-alone.)
Plan something to look forward to when shabbos ends--like renting a movie you want to see or ordering pizza.
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Optione




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:55 am
Set yourself up for technical success. That may look like leaving your phone in a discreet place in your car over Shabbos. If you're worried about it overheating, put it in a cooler without ice.
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amother




Lightyellow
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:04 am
1) Go away to a friend for the whole Shabbos, if that's possible.

2) Get and binge-read an entire book series. It can be anything you would like. I've recently started reading through my middle-schooler's favorite book serieses, and actually liking them. Yes, Stuart Gibb is way below my level, but it's fun. Margaret Peterson Haddix was serieses galore- I just finished the Missing ones. Or knock out Harry Potter, or the Keeper of the Lost Cities 9 decent sized books. They keep you reading, but they're not too heavy, so it's nice for when you just want a reading escape.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:23 am
I didn't read all the replies so maybe this has already been said but what about some "less forbidden" activities such as a detailed art project?
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2022, 11:45 am
amother [ Pearl ] wrote:
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time.

Being that the emotional aspect of this will take time to resolve and you don't have too much time until you are faced with this challenge, I would focus on the practical aspect and figure out ways to stay away from the phone. Leaving it somewhere is one example.

Or distraction is another great tool. Can you get yourself some exciting books that will keep you busy? How about finding some company for the endless afternoons?

You can also promise yourself a reward for staying distracted and not giving into temptation.

Good luck! Praying for you.


Definitely. And OP, start by getting enjoyable reading material and food you'll enjoy and maybe not even regret. We're rooting for you!
BTW I hope you have or find people who can help you sort out the greater issues than the nisayon of a long day without distractions. (Which a LOT of people can identify with in their own ways.) The stuff like belief, all that. Try to work on getting through Shabbos regardless of where you are in those efforts, even if in the course of those efforts it's one step forward and two steps back. Accept the possibility that one day you will have clarity and be really glad and grateful you tried.
Hugs and again, hatzlacha!
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