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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:36 pm
My daughter is 22 months and the youngest in her playgroup.
She has been coming home everyday with scratches, bite marks and cuts on her.
I have spoken to the morah about it.
There seems to be a very physical kid in the group who will randomly hit kids. Example: When I went to pick up my daughter she was playing on her own and he smacked her in the face randomly. The morah always says to me "oh hes getting special services to help with the smacking and biting"

My daughter this week came home with scratches. I asked the morah what happened and she told me that at lunch time my daughter will reach over to other kids plates and take their food Sad she doesnt do this at home, so how can I address this behaviour? Its not fair of her to do it to other kids, but I also dont like that the kids in turn are scratching her face. Shouldnt the morahs be more on top of disciplining the children and my daughter? The morahs made it seem like its my daughters fault for getting hurt all the time.

The other day she had a bite mark on her and I asked the morah what happened. She said a kid was playing in a toy station and my daughter tried playing with a toy he had and he bit her. I understand thats his way of expressing himself, but my daughters hand was red all shabbos with a bite mark that lasted 2 days, it was very deep.

How can I teach my daughter personal space and boundaries? What can I say to the morah to make sure my daughter is protected?

I spoke to my daughter's OT about personal space and boundaries.
I hope my post doesnt come across as me excusing her behaviour. She should not be taking other childrens foods, but I dont want to see her keep getting beat up lol.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:42 pm
Can't really think of anything you can do at home to 'teach' a toddler not to display behaviors she does not display at home. That's completely up to the morah. You're right, the morah should be on top of it.

Ideally, a consistently aggressive kid should be shadowed by a morah or assistant--or better yet, have 1-on-1 care instead of a playgroup situation.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:47 pm
BrisketBoss wrote:
Can't really think of anything you can do at home to 'teach' a toddler not to display behaviors she does not display at home. That's completely up to the morah. You're right, the morah should be on top of it.

Ideally, a consistently aggressive kid should be shadowed by a morah or assistant--or better yet, have 1-on-1 care instead of a playgroup situation.


Do I say anything to the morah again? She thought to maybe put my daughter in a high chair during meal time. But that doesnt stop the other kid from hitting her randomly during the day
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:48 pm
The Morah still needs to be setting boundaries for the kids. A bite, a scratch, and that kid needs a time out from the group. She should also be telling you at pick up time if your kid got hurt in any way.

These things do happen in playgroups. But I would bring up the two points above with the morah and see what she says.
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:50 pm
Yes, speak to the morah again.
Your daughter may not be innocent, but something more must be done about a child who keeps hurting others.
And she should be telling you if there was an incident where your child got hurt, you shouldn't have to just "discover" scratches and bite marks.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:51 pm
Rappel wrote:
The Morah still needs to be setting boundaries for the kids. A bite, a scratch, and that kid needs a time out from the group. She should also be telling you at pick up time if your kid got hurt in any way.

These things do happen in playgroups. But I would bring up the two points above with the morah and see what she says.


Its usually me saying "oh what happened to rochels face I noticed a scratch?" she doesnt really offer the information up...

How do you suggest my daughter taking food from other kids? Shes otherwise a very gentle baby.
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:51 pm
amother OP wrote:
The morah always says to me "oh hes getting special services to help with the smacking and biting"

That's very nice, but something needs to be done practically to stop the hurting. The rest of the children don't need to wait patiently while his "services" help him out. These things take time.
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bnm




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:52 pm
amother OP wrote:
Its usually me saying "oh what happened to rochels face I noticed a scratch?" she doesnt really offer the information up...

How do you suggest my daughter taking food from other kids? Shes otherwise a very gentle baby.


Can the morah seat her in a high chair so she can't reach other people's plates?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:53 pm
amother Clear wrote:
That's very nice, but something needs to be done practically to stop the hurting. The rest of the children don't need to wait patiently while his "services" help him out. These things take time.


How do you suggest I address it with her?
Im scared as being seen as confrontational. Shes also my first, she probably thinks im "that" mom since I ask her everyday about how my babys day was and if she napped and ate. Im the youngest mom in the group :/
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:55 pm
Is the Morah experienced? Or very young and new?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:55 pm
bnm wrote:
Can the morah seat her in a high chair so she can't reach other people's plates?


Im going to speak to her again about the high chair because I think its a good idea so that other kids dont get upset at my daughter, and that in return my daughter doesnt get scratched.

(btw, where do kids learn to scratch and hit?? on shabbos my daughter tried scratching me. shes never done that before I was really surprised)
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:56 pm
amother Clear wrote:
Is the Morah experienced? Or very young and new?


Shes like in her 40s probs...shes experienced but she seems very shy. I dunno, she doesnt seem like she has a leadership type of personality. Shes more quiet and zees you know?
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 10:59 pm
amother OP wrote:
(btw, where do kids learn to scratch and hit?? on shabbos my daughter tried scratching me. shes never done that before I was really surprised)

Clearly she learned it from this other child!
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 11:01 pm
amother OP wrote:
Shes like in her 40s probs...shes experienced but she seems very shy. I dunno, she doesnt seem like she has a leadership type of personality. Shes more quiet and zees you know?

Hopefully if she's older/more experienced she won't be as defensive if you try talking to her.
Ask her if anything is being done about the child who scratches. If she says "He's getting services", ask, but what about during playgroup time, lemaisah is anything being done now to stop the other children from getting hurt?
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 11:02 pm
amother OP wrote:
How do you suggest I address it with her?
Im scared as being seen as confrontational. Shes also my first, she probably thinks im "that" mom since I ask her everyday about how my babys day was and if she napped and ate. Im the youngest mom in the group :/

I still ask how my baby's day was, what her schedule was, napping/meals... and she's number 6 ka"h!
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 11:02 pm
amother Clear wrote:
Clearly she learned it from this other child!


But this other child who instigates and scratches and hits, where did he learn it from?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 11:04 pm
amother Clear wrote:
Hopefully if she's older/more experienced she won't be as defensive if you try talking to her.
Ask her if anything is being done about the child who scratches. If she says "He's getting services", ask, but what about during playgroup time, lemaisah is anything being done now to stop the other children from getting hurt?


I asked her the other day if its the same kid thats hurting my daughter and she skirted around the issue and said my daughter takes food from other kids at her tisch and thats why shes getting scratched. Like my daughter is bothering other kids. I was so put on the spot. But what you typed above is good to say Ill pratice before I go in lol
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 11:04 pm
amother OP wrote:
But this other child who instigates and scratches and hits, where did he learn it from?

I'm no expert, just another fellow mom of a bunch, but I'd guess it's a natural instinct for some kids, if they're frustrated, upset, can't express themselves...
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 11:05 pm
amother Clear wrote:
I'm no expert, just another fellow mom of a bunch, but I'd guess it's a natural instinct for some kids, if they're frustrated, upset, can't express themselves...


you really know your stuff! im impressed Very Happy
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amother




Clear
 

Post Mon, Nov 07 2022, 11:06 pm
amother OP wrote:
I asked her the other day if its the same kid thats hurting my daughter and she skirted around the issue and said my daughter takes food from other kids at her tisch and thats why shes getting scratched. Like my daughter is bothering other kids. I was so put on the spot. But what you typed above is good to say Ill pratice before I go in lol

I totally get being put on the spot. It's a lot easier to say it here than in the moment. But as long as you're being nice and respectful, and not denying your own child's behavior, you should definitely stand up and advocate for your child!
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