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emi1812
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 Thu, Jan 19 2023, 8:01 am
That rich donor seemed really out of touch when he said, “You have to understand, I’ve given significant donations to both organizations, with the understanding that many people will get helped — not that the same people should get double the piece of the pie,” and “So donors like to give some here, some there, and know that they’re having an impact on many people, in many different ways. Why should the same family take it all?”
It’s obvious that he (and those other donors he is speaking for) don’t fully understand the actual needs of these families. They don’t seem to realize the sheer absurdity of insisting on families giving up the essential daily help they’re receiving (such as suppers and babysitters) in order to go on a once a year trip or get weekly shabbos treats 🙄
It’s not “double dipping” to get different kinds of help from various organizations. I agree, the organizations could easily vet people for a trip or ask if they are already receiving gifts/treats etc. in order to use their resources for those families who aren’t already getting the same (keyword: same) benefits elsewhere.
Overgeneralizing to mean “all or any type of benefits” on the basis of the examples they gave (most of which were not relevant) causes more harm than any perceived benefit.
It’s a false equivalency to compare someone who’s eschewing life saving medical intervention for ineffective holistic treatments or hopping from one trip to another to a family who’s asking to join a trip but is already receiving suppers/babysitting from another organization.
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boysrus
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Thu, Jan 19 2023, 8:33 am
| amother Pistachio wrote: | | Does anyone else find it ironic that this story came out this week? IYKYK |
can you pleas explain the connection?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jan 19 2023, 8:36 am
| emi1812 wrote: | That rich donor seemed really out of touch when he said, “You have to understand, I’ve given significant donations to both organizations, with the understanding that many people will get helped — not that the same people should get double the piece of the pie,” and “So donors like to give some here, some there, and know that they’re having an impact on many people, in many different ways. Why should the same family take it all?”
It’s obvious that he (and those other donors he is speaking for) don’t fully understand the actual needs of these families. They don’t seem to realize the sheer absurdity of insisting on families giving up the essential daily help they’re receiving (such as suppers and babysitters) in order to go on a once a year trip or get weekly shabbos treats 🙄
It’s not “double dipping” to get different kinds of help from various organizations. I agree, the organizations could easily vet people for a trip or ask if they are already receiving gifts/treats etc. in order to use their resources for those families who aren’t already getting the same (keyword: same) benefits elsewhere.
Overgeneralizing to mean “all or any type of benefits” on the basis of the examples they gave (most of which were not relevant) causes more harm than any perceived benefit.
It’s a false equivalency to compare someone who’s eschewing life saving medical intervention for ineffective holistic treatments or hopping from one trip to another to a family who’s asking to join a trip but is already receiving suppers/babysitting from another organization. |
Very well said
Thank you all for your comments. I was so upset by this story and you all expressed my feelings much better than I was able to pinpoint...
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mha3484
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Thu, Jan 19 2023, 8:37 am
| boysrus wrote: | | can you pleas explain the connection? |
This week is midwinter for a bunch of schools? Or something else?
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keym
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Thu, Jan 19 2023, 8:51 am
My father was sick and then passed away in my teenage hood, but many of these organizations weren't so available.
What struck me in the article is the power imbalance or the potential for taking advantage. The families that were benefitting from the midwinter getaways, big sister, Shabbos treats are the families that either have plenty of money for takeout and babysitting, have plenty of family help, insist on family and community help to the detriment of others, or push their kids to do too much.
It occurred to me that if the mother would have continued to rely on her parents and siblings (even though it was too much for them) then she would be eligible for this Midwinter thing.
But because she saw it was too much for her mother, she turned to an organization, she became disqualified for pampering from a different organization.
Similarly, if she would have had millions in a trust fund, she can pay for a housekeeper, meals, etc, and now she's eligible for the extras.
Or she can insist her 10 year old babysit and cook supper every night.
It just seems to me a toxic and dangerous situation, in which vulnerable people are trying to figure out which needs can be met elsewhere without disqualifying themselves.
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mha3484
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Thu, Jan 19 2023, 9:04 am
| keym wrote: | My father was sick and then passed away in my teenage hood, but many of these organizations weren't so available.
What struck me in the article is the power imbalance or the potential for taking advantage. The families that were benefitting from the midwinter getaways, big sister, Shabbos treats are the families that either have plenty of money for takeout and babysitting, have plenty of family help, insist on family and community help to the detriment of others, or push their kids to do too much.
It occurred to me that if the mother would have continued to rely on her parents and siblings (even though it was too much for them) then she would be eligible for this Midwinter thing.
But because she saw it was too much for her mother, she turned to an organization, she became disqualified for pampering from a different organization.
Similarly, if she would have had millions in a trust fund, she can pay for a housekeeper, meals, etc, and now she's eligible for the extras.
Or she can insist her 10 year old babysit and cook supper every night.
It just seems to me a toxic and dangerous situation, in which vulnerable people are trying to figure out which needs can be met elsewhere without disqualifying themselves. |
This is such a good point that I didn't even think of. Also for a lot of us who have complicated family situations and generally struggle with feeling unsupported this is like salt in the wound at a time where people should not have to experience that. I am grateful that I get a lot of help with certain things and the organizations where I live all work together and I have never gotten turned down for one group helping me.
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