Separating twins? | Imamother

amother

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 7:42 am

I have boy/ girl twins who just turned 2. I am home with them and plan to be so for at least another year. The problem is that even though I take them out every morning and do tons of stuff withthem I don't think it's enough for my son. He's so active, always moving, dumping out toys, running around, shlepping chairs over to the stove,sink. I'm always on top of him and feel drained. My daughter is happy to be home and play, read etc. when I'm busy. The doctor suggested maybe I should just send him to school half a day for a couple of days a week, but I don't know if this would be really bad to separate them. My daughter is not ready though, that's for sure. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks so much.

Helani

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 9:56 am

maybe just look at them as two siblings, not twins. If that's what he needs, you should go by what works for him. She might not be so happy to be home alone, but also it might not hurt for her to have some more private time with mommy. It's not really separating them, as much as figuring out what each of them needs. And being boy/girl they will lead pretty separate lives eventually in any case.

RachelEve14

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 11:23 am

Well as a mother of twins with very different personalities Smile

I would not seperate them at that age. I know mine get a security from knowing the other is around, and your dd would probably miss your ds, and he might have trouble adjusting to preschool. Don't forget that when you seperate twins for the first time, he would be seperating both from you and his sister at the same time. I would either put them both in the preschool (I send mine out 2x a week at 19 months or so) or leave them both home. If you need to get stuff done and your ds is very active, maybe consider a mother's helper or something. But I would look into a program for both of them together if I could.

Good luck Smile

TwinsMommy

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 5:39 pm

what is it that you need to get done that you can't do with an active toddler around? I make grocery lists while making faces at them and telling them what we need to get, I talk on the phone while cuddling them (when he WANTS to be cuddled).... I send 13 packages at the post office while talking to them as they look on from the double stroller. At this age, preschool is daycare and not preschool--- that's my opinion for what it's worth. I honestly don't think my active son would get more attention or more activity by being "sent out". When he screams bloody murder, I take them for a walk. When he needs distraction, I sit her down with a board book and put him on my lap with another one. If we've been home for more than an hour and it's not a meal or nap time, off we go to run an errand.

I too have an active boy and a more sedate, quiet girl. She sits and looks at board books for an hour while he takes megablocks and puts one under this couch cushion and one behind that couch and one on that table and one over there.... it's hysterical! He dumps toys all over the place--- oh well. After bedtime, I get to clean them up so he can do it again tomorrow! As far as the stove and fridge go, maybe babyproof in such a way that he can't get chairs there? I have a gate up to the whole kitchen and they're simply not allowed in the kitchen. At some point I'll baby proof the kitchen just to have another room where they can dump their toys (and drive me nuts!), but still I think we'll have a no chairs moving in the kitchen rule--- for just that reason-- the stove and fridge-- it's just not safe.

So I'm with RachelEve--- they need each other and they need you. YOU can provide all the stimulation he needs!

amother

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 6:29 pm

Thanks for your responses. As far as my dd being upset, if my husband takes my son out with him she's so happy to have me to herself! She is very attached to me.
Twinsmommy, I do take them out every morning- to the kiddie gym, swimming, park , library, then it's lunch and nap time, but they are not my only ones and when the others come home and need help with homework and attention, and he is dumping all his toys on the floor, sometimes throwing them- its tough. No I can't just pick up and go out every time he needs to run around or I'd get nothing done. Thanks goodness for my backyard, but that's only weather permitting. I know he can only sit for a couple of minutes at a time, so post office is out for sure, unless I let him walk around there too. He needs to touch and explore everything he sees. He's also extremely bright and socially aware for his age. I agree about staying home- I did with the others but I'm wondering if he needs more, that's all.

Tefila

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 7:30 pm

RachelEve14 wrote:

Well as a mother of twins with very different personalities Smile

Ditto, and I agree don't seperate them more then you abosloutley have to. I also have a boy and girl so I know what you are going through, a mothers helper sounds lke a good idea or preschool 2-3x week but together?