 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
|
amother
OP
|
 Mon, Feb 27 2023, 7:12 am
|
My 6 yr old ds started talking with so much chutzpah. Any advice how we should deal with this? Is there someone that I can speak to that can guide us?
| |
|
| Back to top |
 1
 0
|
|
amother
Slategray
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 7:52 am
|
At 6 years old your son probably doesn’t realize he’s being chutzpahdik, I would say, that isn’t a respectful way to speak to an adult… and you can explain why…
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
|
amother
OP
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 7:54 am
| amother Slategray wrote: | | At 6 years old your son probably doesn’t realize he’s being chutzpahdik, I would say, that isn’t a respectful way to speak to an adult… and you can explain why… |
He couldn't care less. He sure does know that he is not speaking nice.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
1
|
HeartyAppetite
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 7:56 am
|
I have the same issue with my 6 year old!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
amother
OP
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 7:56 am
And how do you deal with it?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
HeartyAppetite
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 7:57 am
|
It’s something new and I don’t know how to deal with it!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
amother
Ebony
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 8:02 am
|
My 6 yr old also recently started. I ignore it. No reaction whatsoever. He's looking for that reaction and if I don't give one he realizes he won't get the attention that way. When he speaks nicely and calmly then I'll react extremely positively.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
5
|
sushilover
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 8:23 am
"In this house, I only give and I only accept respectful communication"
Step one: Ensure that you yourself follow this rule and only communicate respectfully.
Step two: Look for any underlying physical and emotional triggers. Is he happy in school? Are his siblings bullying him? Is he getting enough sleep/ nutrition? Are there any moments that trigger his behavior?
Step three: Teach respectful communication through role playing, puppets, or books. What is or isn't chutzpah must be spelled out explicitly.
Step four: Spend a good few days "catching" him behaving and clearly labeling his good behavior and giving him rewards. At the same time, when he speaks disrespectfully, remind him of the house rule.
Step five: After a few days or even a week or two of faithfully following step four, go on to "blocking". When he speaks in a disrespectful way, say "try that again more respectfully" or "I cannot respond if you don't speak properly".
Continue to catch him behaving and rewarding sporadically.
Step 6: After a few days of step 5, go on to the warning stage.
"It is disrespectful to throw the books at my head. If you act in a disrespectful way again, you will [insert an age appropriate consequence]."
When chutzpah occurs again that day, follow through immediately in a firm, but not angry way. Ignore any chutzpah that occurs while you are enforcing the consequence.
Continue until the behavior has resolved. Consistently is essential. If a specific consequence isn't having an effect after trying it more than 3 times, then change it. Continue to catch the good moments, label them and reward them. (Doesn't have to be a tangible reward. Can be a hug, extra story, more playtime...).
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
8
|
|
amother
Begonia
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 8:43 am
| sushilover wrote: | "In this house, I only give and I only accept respectful communication"
...
Step five: After a few days or even a week or two of faithfully following step four, go on to "blocking". When he speaks in a disrespectful way, say "try that again more respectfully" or "I cannot respond if you don't speak properly".
Continue to catch him behaving and rewarding sporadically.
Step 6: After a few days of step 5, go on to the warning stage.
"It is disrespectful to throw the books at my head. If you act in a disrespectful way again, you will [insert an age appropriate consequence]."
When chutzpah occurs again that day, follow through immediately in a firm, but not angry way. Ignore any chutzpah that occurs while you are enforcing the consequence.
...
|
I like this post. I think the above quoted is more than enough to address the behavior, without being too overwhelming for mom.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
HeartyAppetite
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 9:09 am
|
How would you respond when I ask him to do something and he says I’m not your slave! Or your always bothering me!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
amother
OP
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 9:12 am
| HeartyAppetite wrote: | | How would you respond when I ask him to do something and he says I’m not your slave! Or your always bothering me! |
Sounds so familiar just in 6 yr old way on answering.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
BrisketBoss
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 9:13 am
| HeartyAppetite wrote: | | How would you respond when I ask him to do something and he says I’m not your slave! |
Agree with him?
Shrug. You can raise helpful kids while respecting their autonomy. Kids like being respected as much as adults do. 6 year olds already are old enough to have a conversation at a separate time to work out how you can both agree to manage housework. Collaboration isn't magic; you will probably need more refinements over time. But kids should have input.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
s1
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 9:27 am
| sushilover wrote: | "In this house, I only give and I only accept respectful communication"
Step one: Ensure that you yourself follow this rule and only communicate respectfully.
Step two: Look for any underlying physical and emotional triggers. Is he happy in school? Are his siblings bullying him? Is he getting enough sleep/ nutrition? Are there any moments that trigger his behavior?
Step three: Teach respectful communication through role playing, puppets, or books. What is or isn't chutzpah must be spelled out explicitly.
Step four: Spend a good few days "catching" him behaving and clearly labeling his good behavior and giving him rewards. At the same time, when he speaks disrespectfully, remind him of the house rule.
Step five: After a few days or even a week or two of faithfully following step four, go on to "blocking". When he speaks in a disrespectful way, say "try that again more respectfully" or "I cannot respond if you don't speak properly".
Continue to catch him behaving and rewarding sporadically.
Step 6: After a few days of step 5, go on to the warning stage.
"It is disrespectful to throw the books at my head. If you act in a disrespectful way again, you will [insert an age appropriate consequence]."
When chutzpah occurs again that day, follow through immediately in a firm, but not angry way. Ignore any chutzpah that occurs while you are enforcing the consequence.
Continue until the behavior has resolved. Consistently is essential. If a specific consequence isn't having an effect after trying it more than 3 times, then change it. Continue to catch the good moments, label them and reward them. (Doesn't have to be a tangible reward. Can be a hug, extra story, more playtime...). |
This is excellent advice
I was just going to say that I would look them in the eye and say in a very calm , deadpan, broken record type of voice
“That was not a respectful way to speak. please rephrase it.”
Repeat as often as necessary, in a completely emotionless way
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
cbg
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 9:33 am
| HeartyAppetite wrote: | | How would you respond when I ask him to do something and he says I’m not your slave! Or your always bothering me! |
This is a family and we do for each other because that’s what family does.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
#BestBubby
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 12:44 pm
| HeartyAppetite wrote: | | How would you respond when I ask him to do something and he says I’m not your slave! Or your always bothering me! |
Say: OK, but Mommy is not your slave either.
If you choose not to help,
Mommy does not have to give you any nosh, any dessert,
buy you toys, take you to the park, let you have a friend come over or read you stories.
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
1
|
#BestBubby
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 12:45 pm
I never heard it, but a Therapist, Yael Respler, made a tape or video called "Chutzpah is Muktzah"
There are picture books about Kibbud Av V'Eim.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
#BestBubby
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 12:48 pm
If child says something very rude like "Crazy" or "Stupid"
he should be sent to his room for a long time-out.
If he just demands things without saying "please"
Say: "Please, say that again, asking nicely."
Or you say it and ask him to repeat: "Mommy, can I please have _____?"
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
0
|
|
amother
OP
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 12:48 pm
| #BestBubby wrote: | If child says something very rude like "Crazy" or "Stupid"
he should be sent to his room for a long time-out.
If he just demands things without saying "please"
Say: "Please, say that again, asking nicely."
Or you say it and ask him to repeat: "Mommy, can I please have _____?" |
What what if he comes out of his room a minute later?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
#BestBubby
|
Mon, Feb 27 2023, 12:51 pm
You can put a lock on the outside of the door - like a hook lock.
Or you can do a different consequence like take away favorite toy, no dessert
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
1
|
| Related Topics |
Replies |
Last Post |
|
|
Advice for Slipping Band
|
9 |
Fri, Apr 19 2024, 7:16 am  |
|
|
Need Advice -- Sheitel Macher Ruined my Wig -- Help Help
|
3 |
Mon, Apr 15 2024, 2:54 pm |
|
|
Seeking advice on a delicate family situation
|
18 |
Tue, Apr 09 2024, 2:11 am |
|
|
Advice for blending front hair into wig or fall?
|
20 |
Tue, Apr 02 2024, 12:32 pm |
|
|
Need advice - making a chasuna for first time in Monsey
|
2 |
Tue, Apr 02 2024, 9:00 am |
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
