How do I get her in the mood

amother

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 9:46 pm

Most of my kids either trained themselves or they had help from a preschool morah. While I know it can still happen, I'm looking for advice. My daughter is already 3. She can do pee in the potty, but still has not had success at #2. She wants the "prize" we have for her, but she is completely unmotivated to seal-the-deal. My husband refuses to let her go bottomless. Do I just trust that it will happen on its own? (My previous child just did it one day with no looking back at 3.5)

amother

DarkKhaki

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 9:56 pm

Some kids don’t know what to do.
I use a doll and show them that it poops- (use black jelly beans or whatever) and wipe it, flush, pull up undies, wash hands… everything that they’re expected to do, the doll models for them. Then they get it.
Also let her sit there til it happens- some kids don’t have patience to wait a few minutes for their bowels to relax. She can read a book while she waits.

amother

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 11:23 am

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

She watches like cocomelon etc. and we've read the books about going to the potty. She acts out putting her dolls on the potty, but she has a baby sister and I think she still wants the attention and lack of responsibility of the potty. She's in a "I can't, I don't want to" stage.

It's not the "nakedess" that bothers my husband it's the mess he doesn't want to deal with if she makes a mistake. He works from home and can't stay on top of her (she comes home at 1pm).

My son was 3.5 so yes I know that its normal, I just feel like she's "ready" more than he was and just too nervous/impatient to make it happen.

It's more that I think she WANTS to get her prize but I can't get her over the "I can't" hump.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 11:49 am

amother OP wrote:

Try expanding your definition of 'I can't.' Just because someone has the physical or cognitive skills, or they have done something in the past, doesn't necessarily mean they can do the thing right now. There are so many factors. And with toilet learning, emotional readiness tends to come last.

And right there, you've brought up one of the many problems with bribes: they completely ignore the issue of why the child is having trouble doing the thing. Some parents even bribe children to stay dry overnight, which they really don't have control over. Imagine how that feels to the child!

So to answer your original question, yes, just wait and trust at this point.

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Currant

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:04 pm

My kids were all scared to make #2.

Does she have a consistent time she usually makes #2? Can you sit with her and read stories in the bathroom before that time? Encourage her to make but don’t pressure.

Some of my kids were more willing to poop on a potty but not on a regular toilet because the water splashing was scary.

amother

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:19 pm

amother Currant wrote:

Not much about her schedule is consistent. I have her sit on a floor-potty b/c yes I too have seen it more successful, she will go #1 but she resists even going to sit for #2. Then when it comes out in her diaper, she gets mad that she doesn't get the prize. I've tried "catching her in the act" but still too late.

I mainly care as long as she's trained in time for preschool in the fall, but saving the $45/month on diapers/pull ups would be great too.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Good news is fall is still a long way away in 3 year old time. When it comes to toilet learning at this age, starting earlier is not better. Wait. Get rid of the incentive. Don't pressure her at all. She's obviously not there yet.

Good wishes!

Happy247

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 5:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did you try glycerin suppositories? A few days to a week or two of it is usually enough to overcome the fear. Should be done every day at approximately the same time. (IIRC it’s 3 days yes (or maybe 5?), one day no - sit child down at that time. If unsuccessful repeat cycle.)