Do you wake up or sleep in?

amother

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 9:52 pm

When you are a guest at someone else's house, do you sleep in while your children are awake or do you (or your DH) get up with your kids?

I'm curious what the norm is. My husband and I always make sure one of us is awake and around once kids are up in someone else's home. It's no one's responsibility (not even our parents) to supervise our kids.

My neighbor hosts quite a bit and she told me she is exhausted because of this behavior. Her guests, relatives or others sleep in shabbos morning and she is up with their kids. It doesn't happen every time she hosts but often enough that she asked me if this is normal and if so she just needs to limit her hosting more because it is too much for her.

amother

Banana

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:03 pm

It depends... If there are other kids around, and I know my kids will be entertained and not get into trouble, I'm not so makpid to get up, but that's also with knowing that the hosts aren't getting up specially for my kids.

So at my parents, I know for a fact they only get up when they want. I don't expect them to supervise my kids. If my siblings are there with their kids (almost any time I'm there), I let my kids get up and play with them. But that also depends on the stage my kids are at. If I have a toddler who's likely to get into stuff, then one of us will supervise.

My in-laws, on the other hand, are more likely to take on a supervision role if neither of us get up, and there aren't usually cousins there. So depending on circumstances, we often will get up unless they tell us it's ok and we can go back to bed...

lamplighter

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:08 pm

If your kids are up and another adult is up with their own kids what makes you think, your kids are not making it harder for them? Instead of being up with 3 kids they are up with 6 or whatever. Are they ignoring your kids when they ask for water or start arguing with each other or are doing something dangerous?
I'm sorry I don't believe there are kids under the age of 9/10 who don't need supervision and even at that age, if there is an adult present, the adult ends up "watching them too".
Signed the aunt who is always "not watching" anyone else's kids.

amother

Navy

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:17 pm

One of us is always up with the kids whether it's the morning or shabbos afternoon when everyone is napping. When I don't have babies/toddler age kids I usually end up falling asleep on the couch at some point but if my kids need something they come to me.

amother

Latte

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:20 pm

Anytime we're away, one of us will always get up with the kids, cuz like others have said, who says the other adults up want the added headache of watching our kids too? I think it's really rude to "inflict" your kids on someone else, especially without even asking permission first! But even asking permission is a little rude cuz many hosts will feel uncomfortable to say no, unless you're really close with the host and know they will say no if they're not up for it.

My MIL is really sweet and once she gets up for the day, usually 9:30/10, she'll send me back to bed; I love going there Smile

And sometimes if I'm hosting and I'm up anyway with my kids and my guests don't have too many, or are in an exhausted place cuz they have a new little one or something, I'll be generous and send them back to bed Smile

If they were to just assume though, I'd be upset and I don't know how fast I would invite them back.

amother

Chocolate

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 11:44 pm

I'm a fairly deep sleeper. My kids often wake up before me and don't necessarily wake me up. If I am a guest in your house, and my kids are up with you, please feel free to wake me up. It might take me a few minutes to get up, but I was not expecting you to babysit all morning.

amother

Crocus

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 11:57 pm

Get up with the kids or before them. When I'm a guest I don't expect my hosts, whether it's my parents, inlaws, siblings or friends, to babysit my kids. That's my responsibility. And I expect my friends and sibs to return the courtesy when they visit us.

amother

DarkGray

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:11 am

I actually often have the opposite problem.
Usually shabbos morning I stay in bed reading or dozing off when one of my kids need something they come in my room and ask me. I’m a light sleeper and because of the lag out of my house I can hear most of what’s going on from my bed.
Anyways, when I have guests over for shabbos or yom tov I hear them up with their kids but then when one of my kids needs something they quickly intervene or help, not giving my child a chance to come ask me. I feel bad that they get up early to look after their kids but then they are saddled with my kids. So I feel forced to get up and be more visually present.
Which is annoying. And makes having guests be a little annoying.
I have tried telling my guests that they aren’t responsible for my kids in the morning but they look after them anyway and I feel bad.

amother

Canary

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:23 am

Depends on who I’m a guest by.

Family - I’ll sleep in the kids all figure it out together or likely at least one adult is awake

Friend - how close are we? Are kids the same age that they’re playing anyways? I might slowly get up while they play.

Not someone I’m super close with - up and out with my kids!

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 1:08 am

lamplighter wrote:

This 100%

I host extended family often, and I absolutely hate it when they send their kids out of their room at 7 am to play with mine because they know I'm up anyway.

I am certain they let their kids play that early alone in their own home, but... this is not their own home!!! They don't know where the food is, they don't know where the bathroom is, etc.

I'm nice, but not that nice.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 1:41 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Are you sure they are sending them out, or the kids went out on their own (and the parents were sleeping and unaware)?

amother

Oak

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 2:17 am

If it’s just my older one getting up and playing with their cousins, then I stay in bed. But I wouldn’t send my little one out alone. Also my sil’s that I’ve gone to a few times have multiple kids o their own that they are feeding and watching so just one more little one for breakfast isn’t a big deal to them. I can’t remember for sure but I think we even discussed and they didn’t mind.

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:26 am

I remember being a guest along with BIL’s family at a mutual relative. I got up early with my toddler and was feeding him breakfast when BIL cones out with 3 kids (ages 5, 3, under 1) and then just disappeared back into their bedroom and SIL is nowhere to be seen. I was also newly pregnant and was feeling awful. I was so mad .

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:04 am

It depends.

My two oldest are already 7 & 9 so they don't need me around.

My youngest I would get up when he wakes up.

I've only been a guest by family though.

amother

Buttercup

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:13 am

I've always gotten up with my kids whether the hosts are family or friends. I've been the host on several occasions where the guests (including my sil) didn't get their tuchus out of bed and I've had the responsibility of watching the kids (for their safety and to make sure that my house was being respected). That seemed really inappropriate to me. If someone is being kind enough to host you, you shouldn't assume childcare comes with the invitation. Additionally, on most of those occasions, I was setting up for lunch, taking care of my own kids, and trying to get dressed so that I looked appropriate when the guests emerged. In at least one case where I was really frazzled, the guest came out looking fresh as a daisy and had the chutzpah to say, "Oh, I was really tired. That was a good rest." Really? Almost as nice as the guest who lay on my couch with (I kid you not) bare feet on my cushions while I cleaned up from lunch. When I finished, she said in a very insincere way. "Can I do anything to help?" Most people are totally respectful, but others need a potch! Rant over.