S/O POLL little kids at simchas other than weddings

amother

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 8:46 pm

Do you invite little kids (neices/nehpews/first cousins/first cousins kids) to your Bar Mitzvah, Sheva brachos....? (Smaller simchas, not a wedding.)

amother

Papaya

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 8:49 pm

No
But don’t mind if others choose to
Ours would get taken Over by the kah numerous babies and small children and get out of hand what we do for one we have to do for all at each degree of relationship

amother

Bronze

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:01 pm

amother Papaya wrote:

This. The simcha becomes overwhelming skewed with too many children. It ends up looking like a lunchroom or kids running wild.
Then there are all the carriages that come along with that. All this changes the face of a formal sit down event.

amother

Purple

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:07 pm

I'm BT and from a very tiny family. DH too. When we got married there were no little kids to invite. And in my mind (at that time) having no kids made it more elegant.
Now, over the years, I've grown accustomed to seeing tons of little kids and babies at weddings. I don't have a really strong opinion about it one way or another at this point. When discussing this with my own kids (oldest are teens - don't have marrieds yet) who are used to seeing kids everywhere, weddings no exception, the idea of excluding children of any age was unthinkable to them.

amother

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:08 pm

amother Purple wrote:

I specifically asked about smaller simchas, not weddings. Weddings are always full of kids.

amother

Purple

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

I specifically asked about smaller simchas, not weddings. Weddings are always full of kids.

Sorry. Doing 3 things at once. TMI

amother

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:16 pm

I had a situation at a simcha which turned me off. People brought along their nursing babies (understandable.) But they used the tablecloth to cover themselves up and nursed at the table. That just weirded me out...

WhatFor

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:19 pm

Re a Bar Mitzvah, generally yes if you're inviting the relatives' parents. A bar/bat mitzvah specifically involves a kid, and the cousins, nieces, nephews tend to be friends with them. Once you're inviting the kids that are around your kids' age, it could get weird to disinvite the younger kids. (In some secular it's not uncommon to have "no kids" rules, but I feel like that's not appropriate for a bar mitzvah, and to me it would be weird in a frum circle for major life celebrations.)

If there's a financial reason you need to keep it very small, that's understandable. But I wouldn't, for example, not invite the kids little cousins so that I could invite extra neighbors I barely speak to who go to the same shul. And usually it's not the little kids who are really costing much.

WhatFor

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

What does that have to do with your original request? If you're disinviting nursing babies, for many parents that's as good as disinviting the mothers.

I've never seen mothers use the table cloth (I assume the part sticking off at their own seats) to cover themselves, but I personally couldn't care less if I saw that. What do I care? How does this affect you?

care4u

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:26 pm

Nieces/ nephews and first cousins yes but not first cousin's kids.
I did once make something earlier in the day and I understood that it was very difficult to get childcare so I called all my neices/nephews & told them that if it was difficult to make Child Care Arrangements they should bring them and just let me know before so I can add them to a kids table.
This is for a bar mitzvah.
Sheva brachos, no way. Most shabbos simchos like shabbos sb or aufruf, other than actual immediate family ( as in my own children and their children or mechutanims) many times children are not invited because it's too expensive and too hard to put up large families.

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:29 pm

I am making a bar mitzvah soonish bezh and will absolutely invite my siblings’ kids. I’m from a fairly small family and none of us would dream of not inviting the cousins of the bar mitzvah boy. As a side note, none of my siblings would use the tablecloth to nurse at the table either. Never seen such a thing.

amother

Lightyellow

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

That is socially off imo. Personally, to a bar mitzvah or middle of the week sheva brachos I prefer not to bring my kids even if they are invited. I would probably invite because I have family that wouldn’t come without and would rather then there with kids than not there at all. For Shabbos simcha I like to invite whenever possible. It doesn’t always work though

amother

Maple

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:34 pm

As the number of grandchildren grows, my grandparents keep changing the age that's invited to any Sheva brachos they host. It always makes sense to me, it ends up being an elegant simcha and the adults all appreciate it.
For bar mitzvahs my parents usually invited the cousins that were the age of the boy and we got to invite girl cousins that were our age for company so there were never young kids around.

amother

Ballota

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:34 pm

We have a very small family so yes.
But I was not able to years ago when I made a sheva brachos for BIL in my small apartment years ago.

But, I’ve had kids destroy my property , my furniture and walls while making a Simcha. I don’t think everyone is up to that .

Yesterday a sibling made a Bar Mitzvah 2 hours away from me. I have big kids aside for one . All kids were invited (there are a total of 4 under age 10). My daughter discovered the sprinkler system in the garden was on and she went in with my niece and nephew and they got drenched . This was because I sat down for 5 minutes to eat a piece of chicken .
My SIL luckily lives nearby and brought a pair of PJs to change my daughter into .
I was thinking afterward that the kids were really just making trouble. The babies were crying and the adults couldn’t even relax and enjoy. I totally see why people don’t invite kids

Last edited by amother on Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 9:35 pm

I would think that kids would be more appropriate at a bar mitzvah or a backyard Sheva bracha than at a formal wedding.

They are smaller, more intimate, and more casual.