Mother doesn’t respect our no shoe rule

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:32 pm

It’s heartwarming to see how Imamother is so appalled at asking a mother to remove her shoes.
I don’t know if OP would get the same outcome on a non frum site, I imagine not!
Not just the consensus is heartwarming but the mortification!
It’s very possible we misunderstood OP, but the way everyone ran off with this is still telling of a frum mindset.

amother

Offwhite

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:38 pm

amother Clear wrote:

I maintain a show free home and let guests know in advance so they are prepared.

I think it’s not nice for the mother to disrespect her daughter’s house rule. I don’t think removing shoes is unreasonable. It is actually more common in the world than not.

Those people vilifying the OP don’t care about not wearing shoes, but imagine it was about something you did care about. Try to have a little perspective.

Yes even if it was something I did care about. A mother is a mother.

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:39 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

This is OCD. Not normal. It's degrading to treat people this way, as well as controlling from your part.

This is why I don't invite anyone anymore. Other than my parents who bring their slippers (which I clean before they wear them). I do not have OCD nor am I a neat freak. My house is messy. My floor isn't always swept. But I have the menuchas hanefesh to know that we don't have gross filth tracked in all over the house from shoes

imamommy5

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:40 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

Yes. On a different sight she would be told to alienate. Fast

amother

Bisque

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:41 pm

This thread is bordering on bizarre!
I have a "shoe-free" home. Meaning, I grew up shoe-free and there are lots of shoes at my door, my kids take off when they get home (and usually tell their friends too also lol).
HOWEVER, in my mind, a house rule is for members of the house. I do NOT make my guests take off their shoes and it DOES NOT bother me if they don't. If they ask, I say it's your choice and have had guests do both. I find if people go upstairs in my home, they will generally remove on their own.
And if not, that's fine.
Guests, by definition are guests- they are not part of your home and therefore don't apply to them.
Funnily enough, my mother, whose shoe-free home is way stricter than mine doesn't remove her shoes when she comes to me.
That's fine- my house isnt as clean as hers Smile

amother

Freesia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:11 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

What you described upthread is OCD. OCD doesn't only mean a neat freak or clean house. You have OCD with taking shoes off when entering the house.

amother

Freesia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:12 pm

amother Clear wrote:

I guess we’ll have to respectfully agree to disagree. The OP did not indicate that her mother felt degraded about it. That was you putting words in her mouth. I think that OP should share with her mother why she prefers to not have shoes and they can work it out.

Asking a parent to remove their shoes, is chutzpah. Period. Regardless of how the parent feels about it.

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:29 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

What you described upthread is OCD. OCD doesn't only mean a neat freak or clean house. You have OCD with taking shoes off when entering the house.

Ok so...? I don't get why you all aren't disgusted by shoes in the house. I also try to enforce food only in the kitchen rule, is that also OCD?

Cheiny

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:33 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

You have the right attitude.

amother

Freesia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:42 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

Ok so...? I don't get why you all aren't disgusted by shoes in the house. I also try to enforce food only in the kitchen rule, is that also OCD?

I don't like shoes in the house. We all take off our shoes when we enter. But I don't make guests or my parents/in laws take off their shoes when they come to our house & I don't freak out and go crazy when someone is wearing shoes in the house.
I don't like shoes in the house, but I don't go crazy & am not OCD about it.
I clean my floors every day.

amother

Antiquewhite

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 7:47 pm

imaima wrote:

I cannot wrap my mind around a parent who blatantly repeatedly disregards something that is important for their children. It’s just wrong

And I cannot wrap my mind around a child who blatantly repeatedly disregards her own mother's discomfort, physical or emotional, and tries to force her to do something she finds objectionable. It's just wrong.

zaq

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 8:16 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

People who only wear shoes outdoors tend to sweat less, it’s those who wear it all the time that smell.

Yes, well, the issue isn't the household members who are going shoeless and therefore have fresh-smelling feet. the issue is the discomfort and embarrassment of the shoe-wearing guests. Odors aside, people may have other reasons for not wishing to go shoeless in the presence of others. Some people need the support of a shoe and have pain when they go shoeless. Some people may be embarrassed by the condition of the insides of their shoes or their socks (remember Paul Wolfowitz, then president of World Bank, and his holey socks seen round the world?), or the fact that they wear orthotics. it doesn't matter that orthotics "aren't embarrassing" the way a scrotal support might be; if a person is embarrassed by them, they're embarrassing for him. Many people consider their feet to be the ugliest part of their body: misshapen toes, distorted nails, toenail fungus, cracked skin, calluses...Feet are also a part of the body that is normally hidden, especially in frum circles, and exposing them makes many people feel naked and vulnerable.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 8:56 pm

zaq wrote:

Omg come to think of it I don’t think I want people’s fungus on my floors. Especially with baby crawling on the floor. Some conditions on the feet can be contagious. Just like I wouldn’t wear someone else’s shoes , why would I want them to walk around my entire main floor without shoes.
I never thought about that.
Mud is generally not contagious.
This should be a spin-off!