Does everyone give presents?

little neshamala

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 8:00 am

bsimcharabba wrote:

Does everyone give chanukah presents to their kids? I’m not asking from a financial standpoint… curious about hashkafa. Does anyone say it’s chukas hagoyim?
My husband mentioned that and it sounds interesting.
Chassidish?
Yeshivish?
I know modox does (or at least doesn’t have a problem with it)
Again, NOT talking financials here.

We are yeshivish, and asked our Rav (a big posek).
He told us there is no issue with chukas hagoyim, and if it makes our children love yiddishkeit more, then we should give. So we do!

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 9:29 am

Mayflower wrote:

I'm so surprised so many people don't give presents. We usually give gelt for the older kids but presents for the younger ones. I hardly know anyone IRL who doesn't give any presents...

And im surprised at how many people DO give presents.
Where does this custom come from? And why on chanukah and not other chagim?

amother

Copper

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 9:48 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Grew up modox. Presents were not a thing. And we, my husband and I, are not ok with it.
Please dont assume.

I think presents became big in the last 15-20 years. It just was not a thing when I was growing up.

Agree w the bolded. My grandparents and parents gave gelt on chanuka. And gifts on purim. (Also purim gelt)
The dollar coin or the $2 bill was so fun!

Nowadays my mil gives major gifts at the yearly chanuka party. Usually something for every child range and stuff all the kids can play. Like family games. And more things like that.

We love and appreciate it. But it always feels so foreign to me.

My parents don't make an official chanuka party. The family needs a large hall kyh just to accommodate the kids and grandkids and great grandkids. My had 11 kids. And lots of us have large families.
My oldest niece is 32 and had 7 kids kyh!!! And there are many many more with 3,4,5 or so kids. Kyh!
So my parents do a random time around chanuka and then we do a "family night" and then they do gifts. But we all go visit over chanuka and then my parents give gelt.

In general my inlaws are more go with the flow/trend type of people whereas I grew up more traditional. (Both satmar)
I remember when I was first married it was so confusing.

amother

Copper

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 9:53 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I would say its a x-mas thing, not a jewish thing. Thats it.
I dont really understand why presents became a thing for chanuka. Its not like that for any other chag.

Actually for other chagim there IS a halacha about gifts.
It's a halacha to gift your wife on the shalosh regalim.

At least then if you gift your kids then it's more understandable.

I always try to time major purchases around then. My kid needed new earrings, we bought it for pesach. On succos if they didnt get new roves, I got them necklaces.
New upgraded linen, for shevuos.... you get the drift.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 10:01 am

amother Copper wrote:

The halacha about gift giving is a husband to wife.
Not children.
And not specifically chanukah.
It became a thing because of x-mas. Thats all.

amother

Lemonlime

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 10:09 am

bsimcharabba wrote:

Thanks! Could you post the name of the Sefer and the author? Would like my DH to look into it

This was a few years ago, I only have those pictures. Maybe look at the top of the page… maybe that can help you? sorry

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 10:11 am

My family gives presents and we are very Chassidish. Its not chikas Hagoy because its not xmas present, its a CHanukah present. We give it to increase the joy and celebration of Chanukah. Most of my classmates growing up (Williamsburg) got presents as well, others got money. My parents never gave us money because it was cheaper to find a gift on sale lol.
The Channukah story happened before the reason for xmas celebration was born so we celebrated first, that would mean they are copying us.

singleagain

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 10:18 am

bsimcharabba wrote:

Thanks! Could you post the name of the Sefer and the author? Would like my DH to look into it

The tops of the page looks like it says :
שיעורי חנוכה פרק לד

I'm assuming the corner is the page number

singleagain

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 10:21 am

singleagain wrote:

The tops of the page looks like it says :
שיעורי חנוכה פרק לד

I'm assuming the corner is the page number

Also I ran out through Google translate and this is what I got

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 2:46 pm

singleagain wrote:

The tops of the page looks like it says :
שיעורי חנוכה פרק לד

I'm assuming the corner is the page number

Sefer would be שיעורי הלכה and the section/volume on חנוכה with פרק לד.

watergirl

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 2:51 pm

So interesting that so many people don't give gifts, yet I've seen the heimish toy store and companies advertising things specifically as chanukah gifts.

To those who gift teachers on chanukah but not their kids, isn't that a bit hard for the kids to understand? It's chukas hagoyim to give kids a chanukah gift but not to give a teacher?

We do some gifts, some nights not.

ETA - we have a melava malka with friends of ours every year the last number of years. But aside from that, we don't have these chanukah parties every night people post about here. For BT families like mine, our kids miss out on the family fun their classmates talk about. Yes, I overcompensate.

Last edited by watergirl on Mon, Nov 06 2023, 2:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 2:53 pm

I grew up yeshivish in Europe, and as far as I remember everyone gave/received presents. Parents always gave me and my grandparents gave too.
Now in NY I try to do something every night of Chanuka for my children - 1 night will be presents, 1 night giving gelt, 1 night family party etc. When we have extended family party, my in-laws - pretty yeshivish too - used to always give grandchildren gifts, and sometimes the children (my husband & I) too. Now KI"H there are so many grandchildren, they would give 1 gift to each family.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 3:17 pm

Just out of curiosity, do all you who dont give Chanuka presents because of bechukosayhem (if its because of financial situation, thats OK...no need to take a second mortgage out for CPs), also leave money under the pillow in place of a tooth.. I believe the tooth fairy isnt really mentioned in the Torah either..or is this a spin off...

amother

Pewter

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 3:47 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

We don't give Chanukah presents or lie to our kids about a tooth fairy. Do frum families really justify lying to kids? Maybe that should be a spinoff.