How can DH help without causing more issues

amother

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 11:17 am

Married for a few years and have 3 little kids bh. DH is very busy and is hardly home to help. I got used to taking care of them by myself and and even take them on big trips on Sunday. At this point I feel like I have everything under control I know what ticks them, how to calm them down and when to be strict and not give in to their demands.

The issue I am having is the little time when my husband is home and available to help ends up just causing more stress.

If they are still up when dh comes home they insist dh puts them to sleep which can take forever and then dh complains to me how he is to busy working. Or on shabbos they insist on sitting on dh lap during the meal and he let's but then complains to me that they got him dirty. Or when I come home and my dh is already home they want him to carry them into the house which usually ends up with one kid crying as he can't hold them all at once.

Usually all this ends with me screaming at him and feeling resentful that he's making the situation so complicated by being home and he's upset and not feeling appreciated.

I obviously want my husband to help when he is available but I feel like we struggle with setting up boundaries as when he isn't busy are all desperate for his love.