S/O babysitters | Imamother

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 8:53 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

I hope not. My babies don't cry for a minute at a time waiting for me to pick them up or start feeding.

My, and I'm sure others babies, can sometimes have to cry a bit before I can get to them. It's not always possible to pick up or feed the baby right away. I don't believe that it's traumatic for a baby to cry for a minute or so till someone can get to them.

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 8:55 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

Everyone claiming “trauma” has very little clue what they’re actually talking about. As someone mentioned, birth is highly traumatic. Physically, entire organ systems have to start functioning differently. The baby is colonized with bacteria. They have to breathe. They have to eat. They have to regulate their temperature. Their whole body was compressed, bones possibly dented or broken. Capillaries exploding at the pressure. And mentally, thrown into an entirely new environment with no warning. And we call that trauma a wonderful miracle! We don’t talk about lasting psychological scars on the neonate.

Leaving your kid with a loving babysitter is totally fine. No “trauma” has ever been proven from it.

This. Birth is a tremendous trauma for a baby.

amother

Azalea

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 8:56 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Doesn't the same apply to a mother of a busy household, or several little children, and the baby inevitably has to cry a bit sometimes before their needs being met?

Very different than what's going on at a ton of sitters.

amother

Azalea

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 8:57 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

That’s why you are supposed to tend to a baby as soon as possible.
It’s really important as babies don’t have the ability to wait.

And as soon as possible can sometimes be a 5 minute wait. And that's totally normal.

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 8:58 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Very different than what's going on at a ton of sitters.

Why would you think so? You have no idea what goes on in people's homes.
You really think that a mom that walks in at 4 PM with a newborn, toddlers, and several young kids, will only care for the baby & leave the other kids hanging??
Most people do their due diligence when looking for a sitter.

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 9:01 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

That’s why you are supposed to tend to a baby as soon as possible.
It’s really important as babies don’t have the ability to wait.

Sometimes, as soon as possible, can take a couple of minutes. Especially if baby is not an only child.
And it's ok, it doesn't traumatize babies.

amother

Beige

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 9:03 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

This is why I think most people answering in favor of not sending kids out have only one, are at home all day and dont work or they can afford a nanny. They just don't relate to the struggle of running out to work while leaving a little baby behind. Trust me, any functional mom is not doing it happily.

amother

Freesia

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 9:07 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

I do believe it’s a trauma and I don’t send to babysitters.

Me too. I just to work from home part time and juggle my babies' care with my work. Not easy, but a small thing to do for the sake of my babies' emotional wellbeing. anonymous, because its an unpopular opinon Wink

amother

Ballota

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:12 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

And as soon as possible can sometimes be a 5 minute wait. And that's totally normal.

5 minutes isn’t as soon as possible . That’s way too long for a baby to wait. This is stress inducing for the infant and not meeting their needs.
An infant needs their needs met immediately or as soon as possible. Not at a five minute prolonged wait.

amother

Ballota

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:13 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Sometimes, as soon as possible, can take a couple of minutes. Especially if baby is not an only child.
And it's ok, it doesn't traumatize babies.

It does traumatize babies and it’s important to minimize it as much as possible.

amother

Diamond

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:16 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

Birth is natural
Leaving with a babysitter is not.

amother

Starflower

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:21 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

I believe it's traumatic, but not because they are separated from me specifically for a few hours. Just because there is no one to attach to when a babysitter has a group to care for, and babies will inevitably have to cry daily and not have all their needs met. I hire a babysitter in my house, and her one and only job is to love and care for my baby. My babies attach to the babysitter from birth, similar to the way they attach to close family members, because she is a loving person who provides for all of their physical and emotional needs when I'm not home. I'm not going to pretend that it's the same as me being with my baby 24/7, but I also don't think it's traumatic to leave a bottle fed baby home with dh when I go away for two days.

Came to say something similar. If babies get all their needs met, they’re ok. They need someone tender looking after their needs. Past that very little matters for such young babies.

amother

Diamond

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:33 pm

amother Beige wrote:

So you and others are basically agreeing that it's not ideal for baby to go to a babysitter. it's only done out of no other choice.
I also worked full time and sent my baby to a babysitter. I felt so guilty about it. I did it because I had no choice. Not because I thought it was normal. Even though it's the unpopular opinion.

mig100

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm trying to figure out why there are such different reactions when it comes to the 2 scenarios. Trauma is trauma for the baby. He doesn't care if you are going to work or need a vacation. The end result is the same. Yet when you have a mom who is WAHM so she doesn't send her baby out and she wants to go away for 2 days and leave her baby in his familiar environment with loving siblings and grandparents the mob is out to get her.

I agree with u op. I never understood these threads. ( no I never went away overnight from a young baby)

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:47 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

I do the same. Curious- When do u start sending out?

amother

Azalea

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 11:13 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Absolutely not. A mother watching a family of kids is way better than most sitters out there. Say what you want, it's not possible for someone to watch a ton of babies properly. Most sitters out there are not ok.

amother

Azalea

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 11:15 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

Per who?

amother

Mulberry

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 11:45 pm

Got it. So me going to the bathroom and the baby starts to cry but I can't get to her for 6 or 7 minutes will leave a pronounced long term impact on my baby. (PP it can take a few minutes extra!) That she will suffer from her entire life.

Or while I try to avoid it I understand that a baby will cry. And a mom has to pee. And everyone will survive.
Or are we supposed to wear diapers all day just in case the baby will cry?

Being uncomfortable doesn't mean it will have a long term negative impact. But here on imamother all negative things are trauma and all of them are bad and cause long term damage.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 3:31 am

I know I am a rare kind of mother, but I do what I believe is best for all babies. I hold my babies whenever they need it, and some of them need it a lot. I have 7 kids, and my baby never cries for more than a few seconds without being held. She is a very high needs baby. I hold her when I use the bathroom if she needs me to. During the day, she is usually happy to play on the bathroom floor while I use the bathroom, but when she's asleep, she often wakes up every time I try putting her in bed, so I hold her.

There are some things I need 2 hands for, like making supper and hanging up laundry. I also don't take her in the shower with me. So I do those things when she is sleeping happily in bed, or when dh or one of my teenagers is able to hold her for me.

She often cries if I'm not the one holding her, but when I need to do things, for a few minutes a day, she will have to manage. I'm not thrilled with that, but I do need to take care of other things sometimes.

amother

Emerald

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 4:56 am

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