Compliment? Or rude?

amother

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:48 pm

Hi, since being around a lot of family that I haven't seen in a while there are people I keep seeing who look like they obviously lost weight. I never know if it's rude to mention how great they look, because to me that's pointing out that the last time I saw them they didn't look great, and it's just advertising the fact that they weighed a lot last time and less now.
Can anyone help me out here with making sure I say the right thing? Or say nothing at all?
Thanks

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

I completely understand what you are saying!
However, I know for myself that I always appreciate when people tell me I look good. Compliments are always a good thing

amother

Winterberry

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:53 pm

I think there is a difference between " Hey, how have you been? You look great," and "Wow, you have lost soooo much weight since the last time we met,"

Cheiny

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can just say, “you look great,” without referring to the weight at all. That’s it.

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:56 pm

I’ve learned not to ever comment on anyone’s weight whether weight loss or weight gain. Instead say “it’s lovely to see you! “I love that color on you!” “It’s always great to see you, you look great today!”

amother

Begonia

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 6:17 pm

Don’t comment on weight loss or even you look great.
Instead “I love your necklace.

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 6:20 pm

As someone who has lost 80 pounds in the last year I’m gonna give you my 2 cents. I don’t appreciate the compliments that I lost weight. Not because that means that last year I was fat. But because I think it’s insensitive to mention someone’s weight. They may be dealing with an eating disorder for all you know. They may be struggling to gain weight or to lose weight . It goes both ways. If you never complimented that person when they were a bigger size, don’t start now. If you did compliment that person in the past just give them a compliment that’s not related to weight.

amother

Lily

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 6:21 pm

I also try not to compliment people on weight loss but I know my DD was so upset when she lost twenty pounds and “no one noticed”. She LOVED when people mentioned it.
That’s the tricky part about dealing with humans. They tend to respond to things on an individual level, the way it feels to them and we can’t always predict what will fall the right way or not Can't Believe It

amother

Nemesia

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 6:25 pm

A lot of people compliment me because I’m skinny, it’s rather annoying, as I’m trying to gain weight.
Once I actually gave a bracha to someone with a cute son that he should be successful, and she literally stared at my stomach, thinking I have fertility issues god forbid when I don’t.
Try not to look either. Keep it to yourself

amother

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 6:55 pm

Thanks everyone! As per the majority, I will be complimenting the person or something on them (jewelry) and will not mentioned weight at all.
Thanks again!

Tao

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 7:01 pm

As someone who's big and struggles mightily with losing weight, I would love it if people told me I've clearly lost weight, if I had (I haven't. But if I did, it would be seriously hard work, and I'd definietly love for people to notice and comment!!!!) IMO it depends on the person. If I clearly lost weight and you told me you liked my necklace it would bother me!

peace2

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 7:03 pm

I think saying you look great is more neutral and safer than commenting on their size. Some people love the compliments, some people would really rather no one commented on their bodies. And sometimes the reason the person lost weight is not good (eating disorder, emotional stress, other physical conditions) and mentioning something could be triggering. I would say if you don't really have a relationship with the person err on the side of caution

amother

Currant

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 7:04 pm

Nothing like the lady at the gym who complimented my weight loss telling me she could really tell I lost weight in my polkies Banging head

amother

Oxfordblue

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 7:11 pm

Yes there are some people who would appreciate that other people noticed their hard work with weight loss. But it’s always safer to say nothing, because you never know what a person is struggling with. Personally I would be so upset if someone commented on my weight even as a compliment. I have friends who are too thin from eating disorders working on gaining and they feel like a failure every time someone tells them how skinny they look. Or a relative who lost a lot of weight while sick with cancer. It’s just not worth the risk, the people who’d appreciate it can do without and the people who won’t will be effected much more IMO

amother

Catmint

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 7:59 pm

When someone is gushing to me about their new diet and how much they've lost I will compliment them. Otherwise I won't mention it ever. Thats my personal rule.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 8:00 pm

Last year, I met an old classmate who commented that I used to be taller and slimmer. She said this in front of other people and I was gobsmacked.

I told her that I was still the same height that I had been in high school and that yes, I had gained a lot of weight. I'm still upset about her comment and wonder what else I could have said.

I'm going to see this woman in the near future and I'm thinking of telling her how her comment made me feel.

amother

Mimosa

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:05 pm

The times that I was at a weight I liked and got the most compliments was when I lost weight due to major stress without trying and I was still miserable inside even though I "looked better. " I definitely got triggered from the compliments. If only they knew what I was going through and that it wasn't my intention to lose that weight even though I did like the result. I just wish it was under better circumstances and that I was happy with my life. I ended up gaining it all back plus tons more and now I'm 60-70 pounds heavier than those times. I'm obese on the BMI but I'm much happier overall than I was back then.