Hype About Potching

BrisketBoss

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:02 am

Yeah children are not born chutzpadik, just immature. If people model correct behavior then children will slowly, at their own pace, begin to adapt it. Hitting a 4 year old for being 'rude' is like hitting a 14mo because they 'refuse to walk even though I've seen them do it!'

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:04 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Mental health issues come from social media and lack of opportunities to gain independence. But sure, let's blame lack of corporal punishment. ;-)

The up and coming theory is that mental health issues come from abuse and unprocessed trauma. Even things like ADHD OCD and personality disorders.

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:06 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

So we should rather keep producing kids who were abused and as a result abuse their own kids. Great idea.
I'm not sure my parents liked their parents very much, they're deathly afraid of them, are always telling us how they would never DARE behave the way we do and are there at every beck and call. But is it because they want to? Who knows?

I doubt as grown ups they are afraid of parents.

I believe they have Yiras Hashem and know it is their obligation to care for aging parents.

Even as children it could be more out of knowing it's a Big Aveirah than fear of punishment that they would not dare be chutzpadik.

That is another thing many of younger generation don't have, Yiras Hashem.

And I think there is a correlation. Since today's parents don't punish, many younger don't believe Hashem punishes either.

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:06 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

The up and coming theory is that mental health issues come from abuse and unprocessed trauma. Even things like ADHD OCD and personality disorders.

And we wonder why the amount of people with mental health issues is so large today....

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:08 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

There is no such thing as chutzpah already being ingrained in them.
What you mean is their personality, their individual thoughts, feelings, and desires.
Old fashioned parenting stomped on children's personalities.
Hardly ideal.

Kids need to be taught,
It's not an excuse to be chutzpadig because it's the child's individual personality. It's a parents responsibility to teach their kids good middos.
Same as they can't do any other bad behavior even if it is their personality or desire..
חושך שבטו שונא בנו
I'm not saying ,1 2 3 go for the potching,
I do say that a potch is not the end of the world when needed and given without anger etc.

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:08 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Well per all the imas on this site it is totally normal for teens to be chutpadik, even worse than four year Olds.

So it seems this " own pace" is never, permanent immaturity.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:09 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Of course it's a parent's responsibility to teach. And that is done through modeling.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:10 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Well per all the imas on this site it is totally normal for teens to be chutpadik, even worse than four year Olds.

So it seems this " own pace" is never, permanent immaturity.

Indeed, teens are immature. Did no one inform you of this?

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:10 am

#BestBubby wrote:

But do they love and appreciate them or are they just doing what has been drilled into them using not such gentle methods. Do they want to do it or do they have to do it? Who knows?

I'm not even going to attempt to answer your comment on this generations yiras shamayim. What a horrible comment to make.

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:11 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

And we wonder why the amount of people with mental health issues is so large today....

Not I

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:13 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Well per all the imas on this site it is totally normal for teens to be chutpadik, even worse than four year Olds.

So it seems this " own pace" is never, permanent immaturity.

Here is a big clue: know what is age appropriate so when it happens, no big deal, no drama, just be the parent, the role model

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:14 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Good midos are not taught by stomping on your child's personality.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:16 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Of course it's a parent's responsibility to teach. And that is done through modeling.

Shlomo Hamelech teaches us in Mishlei
One who spares the rod hates their child; those who love their children discipline them early.
I agree that parents need to role model. It's not a contradiction.

And it's almost comical that I advocate for potching. I don't! I just say that if it is called for then don't hold back the potch.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:17 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

Good midos are not taught by stomping on your child's personality.

Who is talking about stomping on your child's personality?! were talking about chinuch.

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:17 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I hope my children will do for me out of love and respect, rather than out of obligation.

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:18 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Who is talking about stomping on your child's personality?! were talking about chinuch.

Hitting is not chinuch. It is showing your child that you have hitting rights when he acts his natural self.

amother

Pink

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:19 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Well per all the imas on this site it is totally normal for teens to be chutpadik, even worse than four year Olds.

So it seems this " own pace" is never, permanent immaturity.

Many teens who do not have a teenage rebellious phase end up having one in their 20's, 30's, or even 40's, when the stakes are higher.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:25 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

Hitting is not chinuch. It is showing your child that you have hitting rights when he acts his natural self.

Are we talking about hitting rights for no good reason?

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:27 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Are we talking about hitting rights for no good reason?

There's never a good reason to hit.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 1:30 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

There's never a good reason to hit.

Shlomo Hamelech, the chacham mikul adam, said otherwise.
I understand and agree that potching should not be done, I disagree on the never ever part.