She wants to be with the cooler relatives

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:49 pm

We live in BP and my family lives near us, were normal regular heimishe people. My husbands siblings all live in Lakewood and they have very thrilling lives. They are also JPF. They are wonderful people and there's no drama or anything between our families. We go out there a few times a year to visit. My daughter has a cousin exactly her age and they are very close. She goes there very often. My niece comes very rarely here (she is invited often but my daughter prefers to go there).They go on tons spontaneous outings and out to eat a lot. There is also a lot more money there than we have.

Lately I'm noticing an attitude that is even stronger after she comes back from Lakewood. She talks down to me, and thinks things I do are weird or the way I dress my kids is ugly. I know some of this is teenage stuff but I think a lot of it is because she loves hanging out with all the cool relatives and join their thrilling lives and is losing respect for us and our lifestyle. She also is very embarrassed by her siblings and now whenever we all go to Lakewood she doesn't even want to spend time with us, she's always running off with that cousin and avoiding her "loser family".

I'm not sure what my question is but I'm wondering if anyone has any insight on this situation or any advice.

SuperWify

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:55 am

Sorry no advice but I had to laugh. When I was younger growing up in Lakewood the cool people from Brooklyn would make fun of us nerdy Lakewooders. How the tables have turned!

amother

Purple

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 4:03 am

Some kids need more cool factor in their lives. She will grow up and learn to respect where she came from.

monseymom25

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 4:26 am

Did she actually say these things? Like loser family, doesn’t like spending time, dressing kids ugly? Or do you just get those vibes from her?

amother

Amber

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 4:53 am

It’s very normal to want someone else’s life at this age. I really think this has nothing to do with location or what they are actually doing.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 5:59 am

When we go to family, my dd runs off with the girl cousins around her age and we basically don't see her at all. She is only a pre-teen! So that's very normal that your dd wnts to hang out with her cousins instead of her immediate family.

If you feel like she thinks their life is better or cooler or whatever, talk to her about your values and why you choose a certain lifestyle. Make it a conversation, but about you and not about her.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:22 pm

I am not a teenager, and if I had to choose between wealthy home and lots of dinong out , to old fashinied heimish, I probably would feel same as your daughter.

Money sparkles. Fun attracts.

Its all Normal.

what would you like now? to limit her time with extended family? how will that help?
Speak with a mechaneches

also ask your daughter what are her thoughts about her home compared to the cousins.

all seems normal to me.

giftedmom

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:26 pm

I think you shouldn’t take it personally. Objectively, being the child that she is, she only sees things at surface level.

Chayalle

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 3:03 pm

She sounds like a teenager. Everyone else out there is so much cooler and has it all together, much more than your own family. The grass is so much greener in Lakewood than it is in Brooklyn....LOL.

She will grow up BEH. In the meantime, just do whatever you can to keep the relationship positive.

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 3:16 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Sorry no advice but I had to laugh. When I was younger growing up in Lakewood the cool people from Brooklyn would make fun of us nerdy Lakewooders. How the tables have turned!

This was my exact thought after reading the OP! I always say, everyone made fun of us Lakewood kids and then they all moved here.