I'm extremely disappointed in our system

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:25 am

"I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" is the only way I can describe how I feel.

Getting children a Jewish education has become a privilege, not a right. Setting aside the outrageous expense of it all, children can't get into school because it's becoming a competition. Principals of schools have become FBI agents, digging for dirt on applicants so that they can blame them and not the system.

When did we lose sight of our values? Every Jewish child deserves an education, you can fight me on that. I don't care how long their mother's skirt or wig is, or whatever narishkeit. At this point school administration will come up with any excuse not to let a child in so that they're "off the hook". If you believe an applicant is not right for your school, you have an achrayus to make sure they're getting in somewhere else!

I'm disgusted at the amount of lashon hara that is involved in this process. And no, it's not "litoeles" when you're picking apart every single detail of a person's private life.

Don't go searching for problems just because you have too many applicants.

Do you know how much not getting into school damages a child?? Not getting into school is more damaging to a child's Yiddishkeit than their mother's lace wig, or social media presence.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:29 am

The thing is in every area you can find one school willing to take every child. So my question is are you insisting on only going to certain schools? Are you part of the problem by saying the place that takes every child is not good enough for you?

amother

Azalea

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:31 am

Agree with every word. It's a shanda. We should be embarrassed of what our 'chinuch' has turned into. All supposedly 'lshem shamayim'

One thing is for certain, I am not envious of the people callously turning Jewish souls away. There will come a time when their actions will be looked over with a fine toothed comb, by Hashem. Just like they do to all the applicants.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:32 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

Of course not! I prefer community schools to schools that create an echo chamber. The problem is that even "community schools" in- town don't take achrayus anymore. Almost every school is competitively selective.

amother

Steelblue

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:32 am

Many parents don't want their kids to be in a school with any kids, not even a few, whom they consider not in line with their standards.

Another large set of parents may not personally mind so much that the school has a mix of families, but they don't want to end up at the school that has a reputation for being too accepting, either because they feel the demographics will shift too much or because people will infer things about their family or both.

I think the schools and parents both see themselves as being driven by the other, but it's a two-way street.

I live in a community that has a true community school still, BH.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:34 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

100%! It's a big problem of egos across the board. But the ones who make decisions need to be very careful with their power and influence.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:34 am

amother OP wrote:

Thinking of a bunch of in town places all have a school that takes every child and they are not selective. But they are not popular because of that. Did you contact that school in your area?

amother

Candycane

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Agree, so Perhaps you open a school?

Whos responsibility is it? Yours or mine?

amother

Razzmatazz

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:39 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

Thinking of a bunch of in town places all have a school that takes every child and they are not selective. But they are not popular because of that. Did you contact that school in your area?

Monsey does not have that.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:40 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

Thinking of a bunch of in town places all have a school that takes every child and they are not selective. But they are not popular because of that. Did you contact that school in your area?

I'm bh not a personal victim of this currently (I don't have children yet), I'm just commenting on the issue that I'm seeing affecting my family and close friends (who mind you have plenty of "protectzia" and the children thinking of had great grades)

But you'd be very surprised how many children from great families have to push into school- any school - just because of lashon hara made up because the schools "filled their quota".

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:41 am

amother Candycane wrote:

Agree, so Perhaps you open a school?

Whos responsibility is it? Yours or mine?

It's the responsibility of the schools as well as the rabbanim in the community. If you open a school you have to be aware of the achrayus you hold.

amother

Blue

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:43 am

There was a school created in Lakewood for just this purpose, Ohr Devora. You can read the description on their current campaign page. It is a wonderful school, I send my girls there.

Part of their description:

"The new school, named Ohr Devorah, would provide every girl with a place to be herself, even if her family may be labeled by others as ‘out of the box.’ If she and her family are growth-oriented, have a rov, and are shomer Torah umitzvos, she will be welcome and find herself at home in this school. Parents and daughters would be able to come to an interview without feeling judged, and leave with the knowledge that they’ve finally found their place."

https://dryveup.com/notebynote/

amother

Diamond

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:44 am

OP, how can you be disappointed in a system you don't have experience with yourself? You only heard 1 side of the story, and of course that side will blame the schools.
But in reality, the parents are very much to blame as well with the schooling issue.
People only want to send to specific schools, but they don't want to follow the rules. They also don't want to send to schools that accept everyone. Children not being in school, is often the parents fault as well. They dug their own grave.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:46 am

I always say that I do not envy these principals or whoever it is that works on acceptances, and what they will have to face after 120.

some people in these positions are genuinely good people who may not intentionally want to harm people but the fact is that they are complicit in these decisions and the outcomes.

I know people who were told straight out that 'we would accept you but there are parents in our school who would leave or throw an absolute fit if we would.." (divorced single mom)
or 'you wore a lace front shaitel to the interview and while we technically arent against you owning one the fact that you felt comfortable to wear it to the interview makes us uncomfortable...'

amother

Diamond

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:46 am

amother OP wrote:

It's the responsibility of the schools as well as the rabbanim in the community. If you open a school you have to be aware of the achrayus you hold.

There are schools in Monsey that do accept, but people don't want to send there.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:49 am

amother Diamond wrote:

I have been through this very system myself, I have plenty of experience. I don't need to c"v experience this discrimination to feel pain for our children. Being a frum jew isn't about just looking out for yourself.

When one side is a child's right to chinuch, I don't care what arguments you can make. I don't care if the parents are axe murderers, every child deserves chinuch.

When you take on the role of being a principal/school administrator, etc.. you take on a lot of power and responsibility. And you have to be very careful.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:51 am

amother OP wrote:

If you believe an applicant is not right for your school, you have an achrayus to make sure they're getting in somewhere else!

So I agree with everything you wrote in theory, with the exception of this sentence.
I believe parents also have some responsibility not to apply to places that they know are likely not their standards and that they don't stand a chance. Too often I come a cross parents upset at the system hen they're trying to get their kids into the wrong school and get stuck on the rejection.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:51 am

amother Mustard wrote:

Exactly my point. If you take on such a position, you need to be very careful with the power you have. Someone's mother being divorce has no bearing on whether or not they deserve an education.