Has anyone adopted an infant with Down Syndrome

amother

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 7:37 am

amother Stone wrote:

My parents did almost 40 years ago.
I'd imagine experiences also range based on location due to different opportunities, resources available, etc.
Where are you located (even roughly)?

I'm in America. How was it for you as a sibling? Was the child close in age to your other siblings? Where is he/she now?
Thank you so much

amother

Lemonlime

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 7:59 am

I just want to say, this is a lifelong commitment. Adopting a baby with Downs syndrome means having an adult child with Downs syndrome when you yourself are aging. They still need lots of care and attention even when they outgrow the "cute" stage. Whatever you see on Instagram or glimpse on the street is just a slice of life, no one is showing the tantrums and the difficult times. People with Downs syndrome are not always happy, docile, and compliant just as typical children aren't always pleasant. People who adopt should think about more than having a cute plaything for their other children before leaping. I assume the moms on this thread did their research and have altruistic intentions.

Signed,
a mom who was given a special needs child without a choice.

amother

Papayawhip

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 8:02 am

Is it disrespectful to say that it sounds like sometimes there’s romanticizing about raising a kid with Downs Syndrome?
Baila Teitelbaum has mentioned on instagram, that the kids get older and naturally not as “cute” and she sees how people relate to them differently.
Parents are around for the long haul.
Also does one know in advance how high functioning or what medical issues one’s child will have?
ETA ok I see now the poster above me addresses this

ftm1234

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 8:57 am

amother Lemonlime wrote:

This this this.

I work with these kids. I’ve worked with kids as young as 2 and as old as 30.

I’ve been tempted more than once to adopt one such child. Right now I’m at a point in my life where I can easily do it.

But I know how difficult it gets when they’re older. Teens, adults.

And I know more than a few parents who are in their 60s and now still have to care for these kids (who are now 30 years old).

Think long and hard about the future before adopting.

amother

RosePink

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:33 am

ftm1234 wrote:

I believe there is a need for short and long-term foster homes for babies with downs syndrome. So if all you want is the baby stage that is a possibility.

ftm1234

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:03 am

amother RosePink wrote:

I believe there is a need for short and long-term foster homes for babies with downs syndrome. So if all you want is the baby stage that is a possibility.

I would feel awful doing that.

What are they, toys?

You have them as long as they're cute and then you pass them on to the next person?

Something feels wrong about that, but maybe I'm extra sensitive because I deal with parents who do that and they don't come across as really caring for the child.

amother

RosePink

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:20 am

ftm1234 wrote:

Would it be better for them to be stuck in the hospital while they wait for a placement? You are providing them with love and care when they need it any you can give it.

It is also a tremendous Chessed.

They're not toys. Toys sit on a shelf happily till they're needed. These are babies who need 24/7 care from the moment they're born. A forever family is better, but a foster family is the next best case scenario for these sweet children.

ftm1234

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:27 am

amother RosePink wrote:

I hear what you’re saying.

You’re right that it’s better for them to be placed somewhere temporarily rather than being stuck in the hospital.

Like I said, I guess I’m so sensitive and passionate about it because I see kids whose emotional needs are being ignored while they’re dressed like princes/princesses.

But there’s definitely a right way of doing it.

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:28 am

amother RosePink wrote:

Agree. Families who take them for a short while do a tremendous, selfless chesed as well and shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about not being able to commit to long term!!

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:30 am

ftm1234 wrote:

Those parents or foster parents are doing something wrong if all they care about is dressing them. That wouldn’t change whether they do it short term or long term. There can be extremely loving and generous people who only commit to short term!

ShishKabob

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 11:51 am

If you're adopting just go into it with open eyes and plan if possible what happens down the road when it gets too difficult for you due to age or if the child changes temperaments and is too difficult to stay at home. This also happens if they are biological children or not.
Children with ds are usually very loveable and charmers. There are also those that are very difficult and stubborn. If someone only sees the well behaved children with ds and this is the type of child they think they are adopting, but if in real life they end up being very different, it's really questionable if you're still going to want to deal with all of that. It has to be a very thought out process especially if there are other children involved.
I must say that it's a huge mitzvah and very commendable to do something like this.

yamz

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 12:38 pm

OP, ask yourself why you want to do this.
Is your husband on board?
What about your children?
If you have the love, patience, time, and resources to offer a child with DS, adoption will be the most incredible gift you could ever give to him/her.
Please go into this with as much information and awareness as possible. Know that this is a lifetime commitment. Know that a child with DS will likely need some level of care for his entire life. You would need to plan for that.
When you adopt a baby with DS, you don't know what level of functioning the child will have and you have to be prepared to love and support this child unconditionally. Your child with DS may have only slight cognitive impairment or something more severe. Same with physical health issues. Also your child may turn out to be less docile and happy go lucky than the stereotype.
You are signing up to cherish and guide a special neshama through his/her entire life knowing there will be additional challenges beyond those that exist raising a typical child. Speak to parents of children and adults with DS. Make sure you hear about everything -- the good, the bad, the ugly. Doesn't matter if they were adopted or not.

OP, I wish you much success and menuchas hanefesh with whatever you decide. It would be an enormous chesed, but you have to have the capacity to undertake such a commitment. It's remarkable that you are even considering it.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 8:34 pm

I don't have personal experience.

I've been under the impression that many of those "adoptions" are actually foster children, meaning the bio parents are still I volved with medical decisions, are involved if the child is hospitalized etc. And the foster parents receive a stipend & respite etc.

Also, many of those children do end up placed in group homes as adults just like those who are raised by their biological families. It can take years for a slot to be available but it's oftentimes a great way for them to live & the parents don't need to care for them in their old age.

amother

Lightgreen

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:25 pm

We have adopted children with other disabilities (not DS), I get messages once a year or so when there’s a child with DS in need of a home (just through the grapevine). I’ve thought long and hard about it and it’s a “maybe someday” thing. I think what scares me the most is the need for lifelong care. Our other children will, iyH, be able to be independent adults someday. BUT if there’s anything adoption has taught me, it’s that you say YES with your whole heart, for whatever comes, and only Hashem knows the future. Same for biological children. We have no guarantee that they’ll be independent adults, either.

We are currently in the process to adopt again, so if anyone knows of a baby in need (with or without DS)…

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:36 pm

One of my seminary teachers did this. I'm no longer in touch, so I don't know how he's doing (he's an adult now). I do remember it was a very inspiring story of how she and her husband went through the process. They did have a failed adoption before their son was placed with them. They fostered a baby girl with DS but her parents changed their minds in the end, so she went back to them. Then a few months later, the boy was placed with them, and they went through the process and this time the adoption went through.

amother

Valerian

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:07 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

I saw a message going around earlier this week about looking for adoptive parents for a baby girl named Yaffa with DS. This was the contact info listed:
Branches adoption network
845-248-7047

Hatzlacha!

S11

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:08 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

Yes, there are two babies with DS in immediate need of permanent homes. I'll make this post not anonymous so you can message me and I will give you the contact information.

S11

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:09 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

This was the information that I was going to give you.