Question for the experienced mamas

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:35 am

How much do you pay attention (ahem...obsess) over your baby's schedule when you have other kids to take care of?

Asking because I'm a FTM and in the beginning spent way too much time online researching wake windows, feeding schedules, etc. You could say I was obsessed and yes, it gave me anxiety.

And them, recently, I realized that the main reason why everyone on all those forums is able to track their babies' naptime down to the nanosecond is because they have much smaller families and/or bigger gaps between kids, so are able to do this kind of thing. But in the real world, I highly doubt that any of you with toddlers and preschoolers are also timing wake windows exactly.

I realize this behavior is OCD, but as silly as it sounds, I'm terrified of not getting enough sleep, and keeping track of baby's schedule is what all the experts say helps them sleep better.

Please tell me how it is in real life and help me chill out and enjoy my baby a little!

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:40 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

9 kids. I never tracked anything. Feeding by demand, sleeping when they needed. Only after 6 months I tried going down to two naps instead of 3.. and stick to nighttime routine. Otherwise play it by ear.

Thanks for responding!

Did you go by sleepy cues for naps? Did they sleep ok at night, beyond the newborn stage?

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:49 am

Always fed upon demand. No schedule.

What I did do and it worked wonders for me is that I always kept the room dark at night and didnt play witth the babies when I fed them at night so they went right back to sleep after feedings.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:50 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for responding!

Did you go by sleepy cues for naps? Did they sleep ok at night, beyond the newborn stage?

Every baby is different, so it takes a while to understand their pattern. Two of mine didn't need much sleep, while the others were cranky bc they needed it!

So for nights, many factors come to play like if they are nursing, how they sleep, if they are a light sleeper, if you rush to pick up at first cry, if they ate enough during the day, etc.

For me it was important to establish that night is night, so they mostly learnt that around by 6 weeks. Giving a bath before is very good. Mine slept much better on the stomach. I use a noise machine as they are light sleepers...putting them in room nearby if possible from around 6 months.

But yeah, once you figure out how much they need, they do sleep ok at night.

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:51 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

Yea, I do this too. So not in the mood to play at 3 AM Very Happy

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:52 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

Yes.,Also no changing diapers at night unless really dirty. It wakes them up.

mushkamothers

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:54 am

First baby I obsessed over every nap.

Second baby I didn't have time to. The 4 month regression flew right past me. I was like you don't want to sleep, no problem, don't sleep, I'm not going to time your nap and then gently wake you right before the 40 minute mark.
And guess what? Somehow he connected his naps without me interfering.

What the sleep industry doesn't tell you is that sleep is developmental and will happen regardless as long as you set up good habits.

Good habit = bedtime sleep in the dark, wake up in morning to sunlight, enough wake time in between (roughly) it's really not an exact science it's more of a rhythm.

Now I nurse and nap my infants whenever, and around 6 months I start googling what's a schedule so I can guide them - purely for my own sake of my days schedule. Like my baby is 8 months and I'm seeing that he's maybe outgrown his current nap schedule so I googled what an 8m schedule is and I keep it in mind. That's the only thing you need these sleep blogs for honestly

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:55 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

For nights BH we're doing OK. I'm mostly worried about day, since I can't sit at home all day and be putting DC down for naps.

DC will fall asleep in carseat only if it's been hours since the last nap and I feel bad staying out that long.

MommyM

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 9:56 am

Sometimes I look at the schedules so I have a general picture of what to expect especially when my baby has gotten into a routine and is now changing things up, but generally I don't time them. I tune into my baby's cues for eating, sleeping, etc. With KA"H a family of kids, (with school and bus schedules too), it would be too much to obsess over it.

amother

Whitewash

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:19 am

I have 5 kids and with my first I paid attention to nap schedules. I wasn't obsessive but I was very aware and definitely did adjust my schedule to fit his at times. Looking back though, even though I don't do it now, I'm happy I did it then because I learned a lot about baby sleep through all my googling and figuring things out so I feel like it gave me a pretty good foundation into what actually matters in the long run.

amother

Pistachio

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:20 am

My kids are more spaced out so I’m able to follow wake windows and a sleep schedule, but I use it more as a guide than following to the second. I mostly find it helpful that I don’t have to guess why they’re unhappy and it helps me notice their sleeping cues (like that tiny yawn that I might otherwise miss.) It’s also easier to plan my day that way.

But I’m not too rigid about it. If they miss a nap occasionally, that’s ok. Sometimes it throws off their schedule for the day, but then they’re back on the next day. You being flexible helps them be flexible too and their sleep anyway resets every few weeks so there’s no point in stressing it.

I also wanted to add that my babies are the ones who create their nap schedules… I think that’s important. Meaning I read a lot about wake windows and all but they each have their own natural rhythm and I try to follow that. For nighttime, I do a bit more to control it.

giftedmom

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:20 am

I do Google wake windows so I have an idea of when to put them for a nap at different ages but I don’t follow them to the letter or obsess over specific times. Sometimes their schedule starts at noon. It’s fine if they go to sleep at midnight because big siblings will keep them company.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:26 am

amother OP wrote:

Why feel bad? I go out all the time. I have a carseat stroller and just transfer sleeping baby in car seat. Sometimes baby will wake up from noise or when entering a store, I rock baby right back to sleep, either with pacifier, or rocking the car seat. A well rested baby is a happier baby.

My mistake used to be picking them up right away. Napping is very important, but exactly what time, depends on when they woke up and how stimulated they have been.

amother

Broom

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:32 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Same!

imaima

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:35 am

amother OP wrote:

I only have 1 baby at home so I can keep track. Its also the only person napping. So I can keep loose track of her times. When I had kids close in age, I could manage them okay.

imaima

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:38 am

mushkamothers wrote:

I will argue.
As a FTM I had no clue about any sleep cues, windows, awake time duration etc. My baby could be up for hours completely miserable and I didn’t know I was supposed to be doing something about it.

I needed to be very exact and „nazi“ about his sleep before I figured out the rhythm and could ease up.

imaima

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 10:40 am

amother OP wrote:

Of course if you have things to do, then tough luck for the baby. I have them nap in the stroller or baby carrier then. So it’s on time but not in the bed.

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 11:16 am

Thank you all so much for your real world perspective. I don't have too many experienced moms I can ask around at the moment so this is really appreciated.

As it happens, I need to be somewhere today and it will cut into DC's naptime. Nothing to do about it, so we'll see how it goes.

bp1234

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 11:24 am

I think it’s most important to read into the baby’s cues. I try to feed on a 3-4 hour schedule but I like to be flexible if they seem hungrier or if we need to go out etc. life happens and I think it’s important for your sanity and for your baby’s flexibility not to be so rigid in schedules. Basic scheduling of nap time/sleeptime is important so that you can create a routine. But again, not TOO rigid that it’ll interfere with your quality of life. It’s all about learning on the job. Every kid and every parent is different in what works for them. Some people thrive on exact schedules. I prefer to feel free to work with what’s going to give me the most menuchas hanefesh. You do you!!