Question for the experienced mamas

mushkamothers

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 11:56 am

imaima wrote:

I will argue.
As a FTM I had no clue about any sleep cues, windows, awake time duration etc. My baby could be up for hours completely miserable and I didn’t know I was supposed to be doing something about it.

I needed to be very exact and „nazi“ about his sleep before I figured out the rhythm and could ease up.

I actually agree with you. You need to have all the information in order to make informed decisions.

amother

Almond

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:09 pm

[quote="amother OP"]How much do you pay attention (ahem...obsess) over your baby's schedule when you have other kids to take care of?

Asking because I'm a FTM and in the beginning spent way too much time online researching wake windows, feeding schedules, etc. You could say I was obsessed and yes, it gave me anxiety.

And them, recently, I realized that the main reason why everyone on all those forums is able to track their babies' naptime down to the nanosecond is because they have much smaller families and/or bigger gaps between kids, so are able to do this kind of thing. But in the real world, I highly doubt that any of you with toddlers and preschoolers are also timing wake windows exactly.

I realize this behavior is OCD, but as silly as it sounds, I'm terrified of not getting enough sleep, and keeping track of baby's schedule is what all the experts say helps them sleep better.

Please tell me how it is in real life and help me chill out and enjoy my baby a little![/quote
I have a friend who was obsessed too and it just didn’t become healthy. Everything. And everything was revolved around the naps. Not leaving house, not socializing with people. It became way too much. I also think when you’re more chilled about it you teach the baby to sleep anywhere! When rigid about it the baby may only sleep at home in crib and not be able to take car naps… and ya this is literally impossible to do when you have multiple kids. This baby becomes a toddler and if you then have a newborn.. the schedule revolves around your toddler who can’t just stay home and do nothing all day. The baby becomes second and naps whenever.

Also even if you become exact and obsessed with the schedules- at the end of the day babies are not robots. They have so many different types of needs. It’s ok if they wake up at night. They’re meant to. And sleep is not linear. It is always changing.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 3:03 pm

I was like this with my first. She also really really needed a schedule, that was her personality. She needed to eat and sleep and play at the same times every day. Now that she is bigger, she isn't like that anymore, but she still does better with a general schedule.

For my second, I told myself over and over that I wanted to be more relaxed, so I don't pay as much attention as with my first. If a nap is ruined once in a while, it is ok. If bedtime is a little late once in a while, it is ok. She also does not need a schedule, she is a more laid back baby and doesn't seem to have much of an internal clock. So instead of having exact wake windows, I have a range (e.g., not 2 horus on the dot, but 1.5-2.5 hours depending on how tired she seems or if we have something else to do in the middle). Or if she hasn't eaten in 3 hours and was asleep, I would give her some extra time before waking her to eat (this was as a newborn when she needed to gain weight). Or supper doesn't have to be at exactly 5:45, it can start anytime from 5:30 to 6 pm. And her bed time is somewhere between 7 and 8, depending on how long she napped for and when. She sleeps great, she eats well (though she is picky).

I am still very much into having a good sleep schedule and meal schedule. But I try to see it as something I prioritize, but balance it with my other priorities. Like the needs of my older child. And my own needs. It took work to let go, but having it be more flexible within defined limits helped me. It isn't all or nothing.

amother

Oleander

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 2:19 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

9 kids. I never tracked anything. Feeding by demand, sleeping when they needed. Only after 6 months I tried going down to two naps instead of 3.. and stick to nighttime routine. Otherwise play it by ear.

Same, but with less kids. I don't see a need to schedule a newborn, and when they get older they kind of settle into a schedule by default.

I do try to put them to sleep the sooner the better before they get overtired because that's when the fun begins.

amother

Cognac

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 3:50 am

I was definitely more obsessive with my first, but I never let baby's schedule interfere with mine too much. I use rough sleep / wake windows from a chart and don't stress if it doesn't happen. Within reason, my day is my day and naps /bedtime can happen on the go even if it upsets the schedule a little. I have to be in too many places at once with the other kids, would never be able to stay home for every nap.

amother

Maize

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 5:21 am

Subsequent children have to learn to go with the flow a bit.
They often have to nap in strollers or while driving more often.

Like others I would use the suggested wake windows as a guide.
I never understood the people who carefully adjust nap times by 10 minutes a day to get to a new time. I was never so rigid to begin with.
Watch the babies cues.

(That being said, my 5th baby was my first one that needed to go to bed at 7. My others were a bit more flexible)

I have a friend who’s a midwife and lactation consultant.
She said these tracking apps and all the rules around scheduling babies are really contributing to ppd and anxiety.
Women aren’t learning to trust themselves and their babies cues.

amother

Clear

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 7:21 am

Never heard of any of this. I’m almost 50 and my kids are mostly all grown now. When they were babies I fed them when they seemed hungry. If they slept a long time I would wake them up and offer a feed but let them go back to sleep if they weren’t interested. Naptimes and bedtimes were based around when they seemed to get sleepy/grouchy - I would put them down about 20 minutes before. Also of course scheduled around my other kids’ schedules.

Sleeping and eating patterns change a lot during the first year as babies grow, go through growth spurts, get sick ch”v, teething, and more, so you’re better off just reading your baby’s cues and not being too rigid.

amother

Green

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 8:39 am

amother Clear wrote:

amother

Almond

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 8:52 am

[quote="amother Green"]I have a bunch of kids that I watched for cues. This baby did so much better when I caught the wake windows on time. Keeping track all the time was too hard, the app made it easier.

Being open to the idea that there might be another way to do things doesn't make someone rigid.[/quote
I guess if you don’t obsess over it it’s fine. But to go to someone’s house and say my baby’s wake window is 1 hour and 22 minutes so we need to leave by this time is crazy over board and can lead to PPA and PPD

amother

Green

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 9:04 am

[quote="amother Almond"]

amother Green wrote:

I have a bunch of kids that I watched for cues. This baby did so much better when I caught the wake windows on time. Keeping track all the time was too hard, the app made it easier.

Being open to the idea that there might be another way to do things doesn't make someone rigid.[/quote
I guess if you don’t obsess over it it’s fine. But to go to someone’s house and say my baby’s wake window is 1 hour and 22 minutes so we need to leave by this time is crazy over board and can lead to PPA and PPD

Oh for sure! Everything in moderation.

But knowing that baby has a 2 hour wake window, and when the baby starts getting kvetchy at 1:50 you know that it's time to start the nap vs assume baby needs attention or a new diaper etc.

Also sometimes time flies, and 3 hours between feedings can be hard to keep track of. This way you just have that added help. I know baby nursed an hour ago. Or oh my, it's already 3:10 since last time? Where did that time go? I'll go feed baby now.

amother

Almond

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 9:09 am

[quote="amother Green"]Oh for sure! Everything in moderation.

But knowing that baby has a 2 hour wake window, and when the baby starts getting kvetchy at 1:50 you know that it's time to start the nap vs assume baby needs attention or a new diaper etc.

Also sometimes time flies, and 3 hours between feedings can be hard to keep track of. This way you just have that added help. I know baby nursed an hour ago. Or oh my, it's already 3:10 since last time? Where did that time go? I'll go feed baby now.[/quote
Right exactly. I know someone who went by the minutes and practically the seconds. Like baby has some leeway! There also isn’t rly a science behind wake windows. It works for some babies… and this friend felt the kid rly rly needed to go by wake windows. I think because she was so rigid it made the baby rigid.

amother

Pistachio

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 10:31 am

amother Green wrote:

My mom brain took over with my 3rd and never went away Hiding

and since then the apps were a lifesaver!