Help me have the talk

amother

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 12:24 am

I’m really dreading this.
I didn’t have a role model for this, as my mother never told me in advance.
My oldest is past 12 and I don’t know how to have a conversation with her about her body changes and all that.
I want to make it a comfortable experience for both of us, but I’m so uncomfortable with it!
Any advice would be so appreciated.
Thank you 😊

amother

Maroon

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 6:09 am

I think you could talk to her about it while you guys are in the car. It is a natural way of being able to discuss without too much eye contact if that helps you feel more comfortable. You could tell her pretty matter of factly what to expect and tell her that there’s a great book you bought if she wants to know more detailed explanations. Something like that…

amother

Ultramarine

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 8:49 am

She's 12 already and you haven't given her the talk about puberty yet?! You're already a couple of years late!

Sorry, for the exclamation points, but this is a topic I feel very strongly about. I got my period completely unprepared at age 9.5 and it was very traumatic for me. It affected my whole attitude towards puberty and I had a very difficult time as an early bloomer. I had the talk with my oldest as soon as she turned 9 and thankfully she didn't get her period until she was 11.5, which is still on the youngish side. I have an 8 year old daughter turning 9 shortly and I plan on talking to her very soon as well. She's already beginning to develop so I definitely can't hold off much longer.

My plan is to do the same thing I did with my older daughter and read a book about puberty with her, sharing some stories of my own, and allowing her to ask any questions she has. Then she can keep the book to reread at her leisure and come to me with any further questions.

amother

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 10:49 am

amother Maroon wrote:

That’s a great idea but I don’t have a car Sad

amother

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 10:52 am

amother Ultramarine wrote:

Doctor assured me at her last well visit that she’s nowhere near there...
if you were 9.5 then of course you needed to talk earlier

amother

Ultramarine

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 2:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Doctor assured me at her last well visit that she’s nowhere near there...
if you were 9.5 then of course you needed to talk earlier

Ask Chayalie about her experience with that!

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 2:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

That’s a great idea but I don’t have a car Sad

I take them on a walk for the same reason. It can get awkward when you sit across each other. Take a walk it will be easier.

behappy2

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 2:18 pm

You can start by asking her what she knows. She may know a lot. This can open the door and make it less awkward.

It's ok if she knows you are uncomfortable as long as you are being authentic with her and supportive and leaving the door open.

I once heard that it's better to do it imperfectly than to not do it at all. Just do it 🙂

Great resources in the thread that was linked

amother

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 4:13 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Thx! Of course I will push myself to do it, I just want to try to avoid vibes of discomfort.

Chayalle

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 4:14 pm

amother Ultramarine wrote:

Ask Chayalie about her experience with that!

Yes, your doctor cannot predict when your daughter will get her period. One of mine had a well-visit in the morning, doctor said at least another year...she got it later that day.

tichellady

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 5:29 pm

What are you uncomfortable about? How can you work on that before you talk? You can tell her that your mother didn’t tell you this so it was hard for you and you are trying to break that cycle so she can be prepared.maybe just being real and honest with her is the best approach here ( although depends on her personality)

amother

Oldlace

Sat, Feb 10 2024, 2:25 pm

Took my daughter (at 10.5) out for ice cream just the two of us. I asked her what she new already. I filled in the gaps in broader terms and at 11 told her where in the house to find pads and showed her how to put them on when no one was around. She asked me why I was nervous to talk about it lol. Checked in every 6 months subsequently to see if she had q’s. She got it just shy of her 14th bday.

salt

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 4:38 am

tichellady wrote:

This is an excellent idea.