Is this a cause for concern?

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:23 pm

My son is 3 and his teacher recommended getting an evaluation because he doesn’t play with friends.

At home he plays beautifully with his sisters, communicating better than them at that age. He also likes to play independently, has no problem with that.

He talks perfectly and is very smart, he knows colors, shapes, abc, aleph bet…

When I ask him which boy from school he wants to play with he says no one, don’t like them.

He’s just not interested in playing with other kids, in a snobby way. What would therapy help him? Should I get him evaluated?

sara1232

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

My son is 3 and his teacher recommended getting an evaluation because he doesn’t play with friends.

At home he plays beautifully with his sisters, communicating better than them at that age. He also likes to play independently, has no problem with that.

He talks perfectly and his very smart, he knows colors, shapes, abc, aleph bet…

When I ask him which boy from school he wants to play with he says no one, don’t like them.

He’s just not interested in playing with other kids, in a snobby way. What would therapy help him? Should I get him evaluated?

If the teacher recommends getting him evaluated, do it. Teachers see a lot that parents might miss.

cupcake123

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:31 pm

sara1232 wrote:

If the teacher recommends getting him evaluated, do it. Teachers see a lot that parents might miss.

Was going to say this.

amother

Natural

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:31 pm

Does he play with kids his age in any other setting (cousins, neighbors, family friends)? Kids his age need to play with their age kids to learn social skills, not just their older siblings.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:38 pm

amother Natural wrote:

Does he play with kids his age in any other setting (cousins, neighbors, family friends)? Kids his age need to play with their age kids to learn social skills, not just their older siblings.

No he does not… I guess we’ll make an appointment!
Thanks for the replies!!

roses18

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 5:28 pm

If this is the only issue I personally wouldn’t worry. 3 is still young and it can take time for kids to develop friendships with each other. If he’s mean to the kids that’s different but just preferring to play independently doesn’t seem to be a real cause for concern IMO. I have a couple kids that didn’t develop real friends until closer to 5, and now they bh have many friends but still can be shy when they meet someone new. With the said, you can proceed with the evaluation if the teacher recommended it but I wouldn’t really worry.

amother

Amber

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 5:33 pm

My child who was like this had social anxiety. I don’t know that it’s something you’d pick up in an evaluation though, maybe just something to be aware of and keep an eye out for

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 6:14 pm

amother Amber wrote:

My child who was like this had social anxiety. I don’t know that it’s something you’d pick up in an evaluation though, maybe just something to be aware of and keep an eye out for

I hear you. How did you help your child with their anxiety?

amother

Coffee

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 6:17 pm

I’d sooner think he needs play therapy and social skills. Not sure an evaluation will show anything if he’s doing well in all other areas. Start with a social worker.

scintilla

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 6:18 pm

Does it hurt to get him evaluated, like will it cost you? If not I agree to definitely do it. If it will cost I'd speak to the teacher a little more, see what her specific concerns are, maybe try some playdates but almost definitely still do it. Not wanting to play with anyone in school at this age is definitely a red flag, but it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. It's just a strong indication of many things that *could* be happening so any responsible teacher will recommend further testing at this point. Especially this far in the year when children should be well and truly acclimated to the school year.

amother

Amber

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 6:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

I hear you. How did you help your child with their anxiety?

He still has social anxiety but is doing better than he was.
We started with bribing him into having playdates at our house only with one specific kid (of his choosing) and eventually he agreed to go to his friend’s house as well. Then we invited some other kids to play too (individually). He’s in fifth grade and doing better but still is in an introvert with only a few friends who doesn’t interact much with others INITIALLY (until he warms up). He definitely is still considered by people who meet him as very quiet or shy.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 6:52 pm

scintilla wrote:

Yes, evaluation and therapy will be out of pocket, therefore I’m trying to figure out if it’s the best route. I would try play dates but he’s refusing and I don’t want to force it.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 6:54 pm

amother Amber wrote:

You sound like a great mom! I guess each kid has their own personality and we can’t force introverts into social interactions.
I will try again to see if my son would like a play date, so far he’s refused.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 6:55 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

I’d sooner think he needs play therapy and social skills. Not sure an evaluation will show anything if he’s doing well in all other areas. Start with a social worker.

Social workers work with this age children?

scintilla

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 7:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, evaluation and therapy will be out of pocket, therefore I’m trying to figure out if it’s the best route. I would try play dates but he’s refusing and I don’t want to force it.

Hmm. It's very tricky. I used to teach 3 year olds and I would be concerned with this scenario. Can you speak with the teacher more? Is this a proper school with trained teachers, do they have a school psychologist?

It definitely could be social anxiety or something like that, but the thing is with this age is that it's such an important time for learning social skills and if he doesn't get them with same or similar age kids now you will end up having to pay for social skills classes or therapy etc later on in life, so the wait and see approach is not one I'd recommend here. The question is what you could do if not an evaluation - I'm not sure your circumstances.

scintilla

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 7:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

Social workers work with this age children?

There are definitely child psychologists who work with this age children, play therapists, etc...

amother

Brown

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 7:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, evaluation and therapy will be out of pocket, therefore I’m trying to figure out if it’s the best route. I would try play dates but he’s refusing and I don’t want to force it.

I would not do it out of pocket yet. Try inviting a classmate over to your house to do an exciting activity. It's worth pushing him a little to get out of his comfort zone. In his own house is easier than going to someone else's house.