Would you allow your HS dd

amother

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 6:57 pm

Take care of your newborn overnight including waking for feedings?
Was speaking to a friend and she says her 11th grade daughter takes the baby into her room (permanently this is not just for one night) and takes care of her all night.
I should I say something to her? Besides for parentifying the child she will be exhausted for school the next day. Honestly scared for her DD

Thoughts?

amother

Blue

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:00 pm

That is a terrible idea.
But we don't necessarily know the whole story. There may be a good reason behind it.
When I was that age I had a newborn niece (she was a twin) in my room for a few months. There were extenuating circumstances that the mom was unable to care for them through the night. My mom, the grandma, had 1 and I had the other

amother

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:04 pm

jewjew85 wrote:

Maybe the dd wants to

Even if she wanted to I would never allow my daughter to move the baby into her room permanently. Plus she needs her sleep how will she manage during a school day?

amother

Mimosa

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even if she wanted to I would never allow my daughter to move the baby into her room permanently. Plus she needs her sleep how will she manage during a school day?

This. It's not a kids job to care for their siblings in the night.
I know people that officially put their babies to sleep with their older girls. I think it's dysfunctional & irresponsible on the parents part.

amother

Pear

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:07 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

They make the older girls take care of the baby at night or or just share a room?

amother

Mimosa

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:08 pm

amother Pear wrote:

They make the older girls take care of the baby at night or or just share a room?

Take care of the baby so that mom can get a good night's sleep.

amother

Electricblue

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did you ask WHY daughter is doing this instead of her?
I'd love a reason to excuse this behavior, but it sure sounds abusive and irresponsible.

Oh, and to answer your question, NO. I would not leave my high school daughters to take care of my newborn. They are great, responsible girls. But it's too much to put on them. (Plus my newborn should be with me).

amother

Hunter

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:43 pm

jewjew85 wrote:

Maybe the dd wants to

It still should not be allowed. A high school girl is still growing and needs sleep. Her job is to go to school and learn, and she can't do that if she's up with a bay all night.

amother

Catmint

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:46 pm

amother Hunter wrote:

It still should not be allowed. A high school girl is still growing and needs sleep. Her job is to go to school and learn, and she can't do that if she's up with a bay all night.

I work in a girls HS and we have had a few students in this situation- they are so tired in school - it affects their concentration and mood etc. Even girls who say they are ok with it really aren’t - we see the impact it has on them and try to help and support them.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 8:06 pm

When I was in 10th or 11th grade one of my friends was doing this. She told me her parents believe that it’s the older siblings responsibility to take care of the younger. The baby came home from the hospital and into her room that night. I was horrified then and still am now.
Don’t have kids if you’re not prepared to take care of them.

amother

Latte

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 8:20 pm

The girl could/should reach out and speak to someone in her school. She needs to be able have this stop and needs proper guidance as to how this should be done.

(I am not discussing a normal dose of helping out at home).

Absolutely unacceptable and absurd. I literally never heard of such a thing. Perhaps the girl should apply to the city to be the child’s foster parent and should get paid for it? (Im not serious, Im just pointing out the absurdity).

The girl did not give birth to the baby nor is she the parent of the baby. The father and mother are. Full stop.

This is unhealthy, detrimental and downright bizarre.

613mitzvahgirl

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 8:20 pm

I’m sorry but I think there’s more to this story and yes it does sound concerning. If she is your friend, you can gently ask her if she’s okay and why is she making her daughter do this. I surely hope that the mother has a good reason for this..

bsy

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 8:21 pm

When I had newborns, my sister, then in high school, offered to take the baby overnight a few times. Never on a school day (more like Shabbos or yt) and always with a plan to nap the next day. It was very helpful after a particularly sleepless night. But no, expecting teenage daughters to bear that responsibility is not normal.

amother

Latte

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 8:23 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

If you work in a Hs and you know about this being done then you (the school), needs to do all that needs be done to make it stop. Period. End of story. The school needs to get involved now and whenever this is the situation.