PLEASE HELP ME! I am at the end of my rope!

Aribenj

Tue, May 05 2009, 2:10 pm

DS is a bubbly happy 25 month old. He is a sweet kid who loves running around and giving his mommy random hugs during the day.

But he can be so agressive! Sometimes he'll be cuddling with me, and out of nowhere, he hits me or bites me hard!
I've tried telling him I don't like it and leaving the room.
I've tried telling him you don't hit mommy.
I've tried pretending I didn't notice. (And that was tough! He's really strong!)
I've tried yelling
I've tried pretending to cry
I've tried putting him in time out (he says YAY!!! And runs to the corner. He thinks it's a game! obviously not the solution...)
I've tried explaining to him that it hurts.
I even tried showing him what it feels like!

I thought maybe it was a phase and he'd grow out of it, but he's still doing it after six months!

He gets along really well with his older sister. They share everything. But sometimes they'll be playing together nicely and out of nowhere will just grab her hair and pull hard! I've tried not paying attention to him when he does that and hugging DD and making it about her rather then him, but he doesn't care. I've tried telling him to apologize and give her a kiss, and he does. He seems really concerned. For a minute. And then he moves on and forgets about it the next time around.

And when I ask him about school, he always tells me he patched Mendy or scratched Chani. His school even has one of his teachers shadow him and making sure he doesn't harm anyone. This obviously doesn't work since I keep getting calls from school telling me he's agressive. Duh! I know that! Wanna help me figure out how to stop it? It is deeply embarrassing, but also worrisome!

I don't get it. What am I doing wrong??

Twizzlers

Tue, May 05 2009, 2:17 pm

I think you should stick with the timeout. if he hurts someone, thats where he'll have to sit for 2 minutes. and it wouldnt hurt if you made things a little exciting during the time that he couldnt participate so he would feel like he is missing out. you should probably also be in touch with his teachers and have them carry out your discipline technique at school so he really chaps it.

Aribenj

Tue, May 05 2009, 2:24 pm

Seraph wrote:

try plopping him in a playpen in a room all by himself. will he still say yay?

I tried doing that, but I have 2 problems:
a) the only room I can do that in is the future baby's room, so that's not a long term solution
b) I don't think he's making the connection between cause and consequence. He'll cry for a while. He'll scream bloody murder. And let's say after 2 minutes I go back to get him, he already forgot why I put him there. I tell him no more hitting mommy and he says ok. But next time he does it anyways. I don't know if he forgets or what. I've tried being consistent with him, but he just cries, and forgets.

Seraph

Tue, May 05 2009, 2:34 pm

Do you first give a lecture? or is it smack-plop-cry? If it immediately follows the negative behavior, after numerous times he probably will get the hint. Depending on how stubborn he is, he could be getting the hint but taking longer to implement it. I'm currently doing that with my son and biting.

Aribenj

Tue, May 05 2009, 3:03 pm

Seraph wrote:

I don't give a whole megillah of a lecture because I know a 2 year old's attention span just won't cut it. But on my way from wherever the incident happened to the room where he'll be in time out I tell him that we do not hit and now he's going to have to have some alone time because he hit mommy. (if I call it time out he says YAY!) I hope that's enough of a lecture... But maybe I can find a way to explain it to him a little more... I definately see what you're sayign about him being stubborn... He probably wants to see how far he can take it...

I guess I'm used to being able to discipline DD much easier, since as long as she was looking in my eyes she knew I meant buisness and no meant no. But this kid doesn't even have the patience to look in my eyes. He's gotten better at it. But it's still not long enough to be intimidating for him, you know?

Twizzlers

Tue, May 05 2009, 3:24 pm

seriously, try timeout the supernanny way. it is very successful over here.

1- come down to his level (crouch so your face is even to his) and explain. e.g. "mommy told you not to hit, and you did. since you didnt listen to mommy, and you hit your sibling you need to sit in this chair for a few minutes"

2- place him on timeout chair and walk away. every time he gets up, put him back on without saying a word. (personally, I do it where he can still see me and the other kids and watch us having fun so he knows he's missing out)

3- after he's sat there for 2 straight minutes without getting up (officially one minute per year of age), go over to him, remind him why you put him there (mommy told you to sit here because you hit your sibling) tell him to apologize to the sibling for hurting them, make nice, and you should give him a hug.

4- move on. he doesnt need extended lectures.

I think "alone time" may not be the best way to word it. I usually say to my 2.5 ds "you need to sit on the side...."
as long as you are consistent, he really will catch on within a few times.

Aribenj

Wed, May 06 2009, 9:58 am

So I've tried doing the time-out more seriously. I don't know if he's getting it or not though. I mean it's not like he hits every 5 minutes. It's more like at 7AM, and then he was great until 2PM, and then it was ok until 5PM... etc. I guess in school he does it more often because there's more people to do it to.

I just get the feeling he forgets from time out to time out how he ended up there. Is that possible? I mean, obviously I've only done this for a day and he probably needs more time... I guess we'll see.