Triangle of Despair, Circle of Hope by Yaffa Farbstien

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girliemom

Sun, Oct 11 2009, 9:25 pm

read the book this yom tov and could absolutely not put it down. This is the saddest life story I have ever read.

baschurban

Sun, Oct 11 2009, 9:28 pm

can you expand on why you find this story so sad? I was hoping that it would bring to light the terrible repercussions of using children of divorce as pawns in a game of hate. unfortunately it continues to happen all too often.

servewithjoy

Sun, Oct 11 2009, 9:37 pm

As much as aspects of this story strike me as "uncommon" (children's orphanage, etc) as well as "extremes", it does succeed quite effectively to hammer home the point that children very understandably do not want to hear anything negative about either parent nor be drawn into those all too devestating "triangles". I am filled with admiration for the author for not getting drawn into "self-pity" or "victimization" and for building a productive, healthy life. Hatzlocha! May this book achieve the author's goals.

Mama Bear

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 2:00 am

I wouldnt reveal her identity to anyone. But I'd love to get in touch with her. I havent spoken to her for about fifteen years!!!

sun

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 3:07 am

This book was really exceptional, it took me only the first day of the second days to finish reading it, and the rest of the yom tov I was bored.

I highly reccomend this book, you can learn a great deal from this story.

ILOVELIFE

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 12:10 am

Read the book in about two hours during which I ignored all calls and chaos. Man! This woman sounds amazing. The only thing I can't figure out is how she wasn't afraid to 'hurt' the rest of her family forever. I mean I hate the Judy character and all the others...

Mama Bear

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 1:01 am

I know, I keep wondering how she wont hurt her mother's family that she just started being good with, by writing such a book.

I hear it's selling like HOTCAKES. I am plotzing to get in touch with her.

Tova

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 5:43 am

baschurban wrote:

as someone who is intimately familiar with the author, I would like to ask anyone who may "guess" the author's identity to keep it confidential in lieu of author's express wishes. The book has been termed a best seller by Eichler's salesman and as such must have entered quite a few homes during the past 2 weeks. any comments are welcome.

I also read the book over Y"T and enjoyed the read. I have absolutely no clue who this is, but how can a person write such a book (with a LOT of identifying details) and not think people will talk or speculate who she is? It is just human nature. I'm not even sure that anyone who would talk or speculate is nichshal in hilchos shemiras halashon because she wrote her own lifestory and put it out for publication everywhere. I am not expert enough in the halachos to know. How can anyone even think it would remain confidential? And believe me - I am someone who detests "yenta-ing" about people and try to be careful about hilchos lashon hara and the things I say (I even named my son after the Chofetz Chaim).

Tova

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 5:45 am

ILOVELIFE wrote:

I didn't hate them. I actually understood them. [Not that I agreed with everything they did.] I had FAR FAR less sympathy for her father than her mother's family. I LOVED the relatives she stayed by in Der Yosseif (sp?).

yaffafarbstein

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 9:51 am

To all my dear readers: It is hoped that all of you remain focused on the book's message: I wrote this book with the sole purpose to help bring to light FOR THOSE OF YOU FOR WHOM IT IS NOT TOO LATE (in truth it encompasses everyone in every situation because it is NEVER TOO LATE FOR ANYONE) the terrible and devastating effects of sinas chinam. Furthermore, when persons play god and take matters into their own hands, doling out retribution to those they deem blameworthy, it may lead to lifelong repercussions. It is never too late to forgive and to turn hate to love or as the book states, at least to some sort of equitable truce. So rather than focus on the negative aspects (and surely there are some - inevitable with any memoir), keep in mind that it was aimed to help avoid similar situations and to ameliorate needless pain and anguish.

bashinda

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 9:53 am

I wonder if I can handle reading this book. I am a child of divorce and my parents broke all the rules in the divorce handbook (don't put the kids in the middle, don't use your children's visiting you as an excuse to trash the other parent, don't ask your child to lie to the other parent, don't ask your step children to sign a legal document promising they'll never see their father again)

Mama Bear

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 10:56 am

alright, now I can finally PM "Yaffa Farbstien"...

Tova2

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 12:15 pm

I read this book over the first days. couldn't put it down! After all the good things this book was intended for, I have some issues with it. For one, a teenager going through this right now, it is a terrible read! the author doesn't seem to have come over her emotions, and the one reading it might get the message, that one never gets over a tzara! (oh my, what a tzara, I'm chas v'shalom not putting the author down, it's amazing that she was able to set up a beautiful shtib and go on, despite the difficulties, but she still seems to have some emotional difficulties! ) As a teenager, you want to hear that iyh, life will be totally good, and no that at 50, a depression should set in... as a mother, I would not want my girls to read it!
basically, for me, bh not having gone through this issue (don't worry, I went through others....) it was just a good piece of L'H! I don't think that anyone not going through this can gain anything from this book, except for enjoyment - which is ok, and that is taka why I read it.

chaylizi

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 1:19 pm

bashinda wrote:

sign a legal document? I'm not going to put you down by asking if you are kidding, but ouch!

bashinda

Tue, Oct 13 2009, 8:42 pm

Yep. I like to write stories in my head but this is not one of them. Maybe I should read this book. It's not my story after all and any similarities might be therapeutic.

wif

Tue, Oct 27 2009, 9:34 am

Oy. When I saw the title, I couldn't stop naming emotions to shapes all day. Circle of hope, triangle of depair, parallelagram of angst, rectangle of guilt, concave polygon of love, hexagon of fear, octagon of happiness--

Ah! I can't stop!

PinkFridge

Tue, Oct 27 2009, 10:27 am

wif wrote:

Why stop at two dimensions?
Cube of...
Cylinder of...
Come ladies, let's keep the shefa flowing!

Grandmama

Mon, Nov 09 2009, 10:21 pm

Tova2 wrote:

Are there any other good books out there besides this one? As you write, this was just fun to read, boring at times, a good piece of L"H even though names are not mentioned. Many have guessed or know the identity of the author.
Are there any good books that are inspiring to children or teens that are currently suffering? victims of abuse or divorce? Other sad and difficult situations? Ways to be strong and overcome the difficulties?

bashinda

Tue, Nov 10 2009, 5:47 am

how can something be loshen hara if names aren't mentioned unless it's easy to guess who the people are? If you don't know who they are how can it be loshen hara?

sarahd

Tue, Nov 10 2009, 7:46 am

If you don't know who it is, it's not lashon hara. However, it seems that many people have figured out who the characters in the book are, making it lashon hara for them.

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