And now she's spoiled

onlyme

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 12:50 pm

Dd spent the first few months of her life crying constantly because of her reflux. Now, at 6 months, she's B"H doing much better , but has gotten so used to being held that I simply can't put her down!
Anyone had this? What did you do?
Any advice would be much appreciated!

imasinger

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 12:56 pm

Poor things -- you and her!

Can you set a timer, and start her for a very short length of time out of your arms, and then gradually expand the time by seconds each time? It might take a few days or weeks, but it probably would be more gentle than letting her scream.

Does she sit up yet? Does she like the swing or a baby gym? By this point, there is probably something that captures her interest, even for a little while.

You might also want to find some hands-free methods of holding her.

onlyme

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:01 pm

Thanks, imasinger, you seem to understand what I mean.
Yes, she does like the swing, and she plays with her toys, but not for more than 5 minutes at a time.
Dh keeps saying I should just let her cry for 10 minutes before picking her up, but I feel like that's an awfully long time for a baby. Am I right?

Edited to add: Oh, and I thought that she was too old/big for a carrier. Isn't she?

su7kids

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:03 pm

What she will learn with that method is that its worth her while to cry, because you'll pick her up.

Maybe what you can do is put her down and go and play with her, nearby but not holding her, talking to her constantly about how you'll be right back if you walk away, etc.

I would not let her cry it out, I would just start coming up with ways to have her near you without you holding her, and maybe even picking her up BEFORE she starts crying, so she doesn't see the picking up as a REWARD for crying.

Just my thoughts.

onlyme

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:10 pm

su7kids wrote:

Maybe what you can do is put her down and go and play with her, nearby but not holding her, talking to her constantly about how you'll be right back if you walk away, etc.

She's 6 months old. So I can talk all I want, but she won't understand.

Twizzlers

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:11 pm

yes, and yes. my son spent the first 8 months of his life crying due to lactose intolerance. bh he doesnt need me to hold him, but I must always be within sight. not as hard as holding him, but pretty tough. no babysitters, none of my siblings, parents or inlaws are allowed to hold him (or else he gets hysterical). even going to the bathroom is a crying fest unless I can somehow have him occupied in another room and he not see when I leave. but thats pretty rare.

happymom

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:18 pm

it isnt possible to spoil a baby. babies like to be held, some more then others. when you hold them it makes them feel loved and secure, and it makes them know you are there for them, not spoiled.

they grow out of that stage. I would just hold her as much as you can and when you cant do you have a swing or something else she likes? or someone elses arms around to hold her?

su7kids

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:20 pm

onlyme wrote:

su7kids wrote:

Maybe what you can do is put her down and go and play with her, nearby but not holding her, talking to her constantly about how you'll be right back if you walk away, etc.

She's 6 months old. So I can talk all I want, but she won't understand.

Trust me, she'll know more by your voice and tone of voice and "promises fulfilled" than you think. You don't have to EXPLAIN, just say "mommy will be right back" and then when you come back its "Mommy came back!"

I'm trust she won't be 6 months old forever.

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:21 pm

onlyme wrote:

su7kids wrote:

Maybe what you can do is put her down and go and play with her, nearby but not holding her, talking to her constantly about how you'll be right back if you walk away, etc.

She's 6 months old. So I can talk all I want, but she won't understand.

they will learn that "mommy will be right back" does mean you will be right back though after hearing it several hundred times. (I'm not advocating forced separation from your baby, but there's always times you will have to go in an other room, etc. quickly without them.) They will learn from repeating over and over and when they've matured a bit. When you do have to go in another room, etc without the baby, it may help to have a phrase you use like this so they will learn that it means you are coming right back.

pink_nails

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:27 pm

I had the same thing with my dd. What I did was either I put her in her swing and made sure I was always in the same room as her so I was able to talk to her or give her a toy when I saw she was getting edgy. Or, I used to sit w/ her on the floor and play w/ her. I wanted to show her I don't mind playing/being with you but not always in my hands!
Good Luck!

imasinger

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:29 pm

It's probably more productive if she plays for 5 minutes to see if you can push it to 6 and then 7, instead of letting her cry for 10 minutes.

There are plenty of safe hands free slings and wraps that work well past 6 months. I think my younger 2 enjoyed the baby bjorn for up to a year or so.

I used to have to work in the evenings, and my ex had to take care of our first baby. I would come home to reports that she would get fussy in the evenings, like many babies, and he just put her in her crib to cry herself to sleep because she "had to learn." Learn what? That she couldn't express her discontent without getting punished? I still fume about it today.

There are times when one has to let a baby cry -- you need the bathroom when they're fussy, or you're sleep training, or something -- but as a general rule, discipline is better taught in other ways, IMO.

Barbara

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 1:33 pm

imasinger wrote:

You beat me too it. Slings can be used up to 3 years. Toddlers also enjoy backpack carriers (6 mos is probably too young, though).

Pretty soon, she'll want to be off and exploring on her own, and won't want to be held quite so much. I know its tough while you're going through it, though. Good luck.

Inspired

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 2:21 pm

happymom wrote:

THANK YOU!

I find some of the comments on this thread saddening. She is a baby. Babies were meant to be held.

Barbara, you can back carry any baby who has good head support in any back carrier- usually 6 months. You can do a high back carry in a wrap or mei tai from newborn age. Of course you can put a newborn in a traditional podegi, a kanga or a rebozo on the back also. Most cultures who babywear back carry newborns. Back wearing lets you worrk while babywearing, which is much harder while front carrying.

Inspired

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 2:22 pm

Barbara wrote:

Pretty soon, she'll want to be off and exploring on her own, and won't want to be held quite so much. I know its tough while you're going through it, though. Good luck.

Yes, that.