We need advice that works, please help!!

marina

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 8:27 am

1. Sorry, this is the crazy age when you can't nap on shabbos afternoon. Take turns like others have said.

2. It is very, very difficult to get a child to nap midday if they usually don't. The only way to really do it is to put them to bed late the night before and wake them up super early, then they might nap for you.

3. I start teaching cleaning up from 18 months. First they do it with me and it is fun, songs, etc. Then they do it independently a bit and I help out. Sometimes, I use force, hand over hand, etc. By age 4, they understand that until they clean up, there will be no book time/computer time/dessert etc.

gamekeeper

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 10:45 am

e1234 wrote:

at this age I think it's normal and the child shouldn't be left alone (or you need to face consequences)

Tamiri wrote:

Dear 718,

Your DS is THREE years old. Not thirteen. Not ten. Not even seven. Three is still a baby. He needs to be watched and cared for - he's not responsible for his actions. YOU are. You are the parents. You cannot leave a 3 yo to be on his own while you go for a nap. He sounds curious and bright and, frankly, bored. Bored children who have lively imaginations can get into major trouble. As others wrote, be thankful all he did was play with water. What if he had gotten into his head to find out how matches work? He could have burnt the house down. He doesn't need to be punished. He needs to be watched, hard as that may be. A 3 year old isn't bar-da'at: he doesn't have the capacity to make educated decisions. He'll get there, IY"H, but it takes time. For the time being, you are his decision-maker. While you are there next to him.
If you need some time off from him, pay a sitter to watch him. Do, as you mentioned, find a parenting class. You will all benefit from it.
It's hard to be a 1st time parent. You are learning the most important job in life. Spend some time getting good tips and life will probably be much easier all around.

Good luck!

yeah I agree! 3 year old is WAY too young to be left alone! that being said he is too old for afternoon nap!

gold21

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 10:55 am

I totally agree with Tamiri. 718, you are placing unrealistic expectations on your child. You cant go lie down with your husband and leave your bored 3 year old to his own devices. Thats unfair to him, and a recipe for disaster! Additionally, you cannot force him to nap. Again, thats unfair to him and a recipe for yet another disaster! Kids need to be watched and stimulated. I have never heard of a couple going to lie down on shabbos afternoon and leaving their child either locked in his room when hes not tired or playing by himself. You and your husband need to take turns napping. Thats life. Good Luck.

MommytoB

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 2:00 pm

I think it has been said enough that 3 is too young to leave unsupervised. Sounds like typical 3 year old behavior! Mine LOVE water... Even supervised, I have to stay on top of my three year old and remind her to turn off the sink. I have always maintained that 3 1/2 is much harder than 2's. And no one warns you before you have kids!

As for cleaning up -- it depends on the individual child but I have found at 3 they are still too young to clean up a huge mess alone -- they take one look and get overwhelmed. They need exact direction -- please go pick up that block and put it in the cubby. And seeing you work alongside them motivates them so it is not too overwhelming. At the same time, they can understand if they do not follow those specific instructions, then if I have to pick it up, the block is mine and they will not have it next time (or whatever you want to choose to do).

Good luck!

Hashemlovesme

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 3:26 pm

My dd is just as talented as your ds! if she's ABLE to get into something she will, & it's my responsibility to child proof the place b/c they are doing EXACTLY what they are SUPPOSED to be doing at this age!!!

re chinuch, we have to teach them "mommy says no", but they don't really understand the consiqences & will push your limits. tsaar gidul banim Wink

WWG1WGA

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 7:59 pm

I think you are treating your 3 year old, like a 10 year old. He will do more just to spite you. You can not leave him alone-super dangerous! And about the chinuch, dont be so worried about teaching him what he should not do, compliment him for the good he does and show him you are proud, but NEVER leave him alone!!!!

718

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 8:04 pm

Thanks so much for all your posts!
Just to clarify- dh woke me to take over while he went to nap, we dont leave ds alone. It just took me some extra time to get out of bed and then I suffered the consiquences.
Regarding him being bored- of course hes bored! Hes an only child. If he wants to play then I have to play with him. For this reason alone I would like to have my next two not too far apart, its harder but more worth it in the long run.

mindyme

Sun, Jul 25 2010, 8:10 pm

Is there another boy around he can play with? Or arrange playdates with? Perhaps you and a friend could take turns having the boys, esp on Shabbos. That would make e/o happier, and he would prob play better on his own if he has time out.

gamekeeper

Mon, Jul 26 2010, 2:49 am

718 wrote:

when I found out that I was pregnant with #2, #1 was 6 mnths old- it was THE BEST mistake EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! I watched all my friends with only one and how they struggled and my 2 kept eachother busy from very early on!

Mini Cookie

Mon, Jul 26 2010, 5:41 pm

cherrypitts wrote:

what about friends/ neighbors/ relatives? They don't have to be his age & it can be girls too. As long as he has company & it breaks up the day a bit. It can be tiring for a mommy & a totty to keep a young lad busy for 12 hours straight!