Chanuka present dilemna

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

farm

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 4:35 pm

I came across this interesting question on Orthonomics today:
<http>
What do you think?

farm

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 4:37 pm

Darn! I can't post the link. Sorry SL, I am going to copy and paste:

My grade school age son wanted a very specific and expensive toy for his birthday that was well over our "birthday present" budget. We told him that if he waits for Chanukah, and gives up his present now, we can combine the two presents, plus Chanukah money from his grandparents, to buy the toy. He agreed and did not receive a birthday present.

Now that Chanukah is approaching, I looked for the toy and saw that the store that was selling it went out of business. This is more of a specialty type toy, and costs significantly more online (over 50% more) than it would have in this (now closed) store.

At this point, we are unsure what to do. My son did the right thing and delayed gratification to get what he wanted later. To now not get him the toy might teach him the wrong lesson. We would not normally be willing to "add" the extra funds, as it is a significant amount of money that is much more than we would generally spend on a present. In addition, the "online" price is really too high to spend on any toy (almost $200), even if he will gain years of use.

So I am torn. Should we provide the extra funds to buy the toy? After all, we did offer to buy it based on the price that it was at the time of the offer. What message are we sending by buying such an expensive toy? My son does not have significant funds of his own to contribute (he offered his piggy bank), but should we could take money out of his savings account (which we would normally never do), and replenish it next birthday? I am looking for ideas on what would be the best way to be a good parent, while still not spoiling my child and still teaching him the value of money.

Fabulous

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 4:41 pm

I don't know what orthonomics is but the kid did the right thing. If the parents have the money, they should buy it for him, while still explaining the situation and maybe a couple of extra chores for a week (if that) just to show him that he did right thing but it is also expensive. JMHO

yo'ma

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 4:43 pm

Sometime life throws you lemons.

Now he'll be learning two things, the value of money and things don't always go as planned. I would explain what happened and be extremely sympathetic/empathetic and try to figure out what to get instead.

Barbara

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 4:56 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Well, I think he'd be learning: (I) parents break promises; and (ii) its really not worth foregoing current gratification for long-term goals since you'll never get what you want in the end anyway.

The poster should keep an eye out for deals and coupons, and buy the toy that she promised.

Tova

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 5:16 pm

I agree with Barbara - I would cut other things out of the budget if needed to pay the extra money. And I wouldn't tell him that it was more than anticipated. I would just present it to him.

Basimcha

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 5:45 pm

Your child gave up the B-day gift to get this toy. You shouldn't break your promise now even if the price of the toy is much higher now. Otherwise you will give your child mix messages.

punktfarkert

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 5:51 pm

You said that your son is combining his birthday present, chanukah present and the money he is getting from his grandparents. Would it be at all possible for you to discuss with the grandparents and split the difference of the extra funds?

yo'ma

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 6:59 pm

Barbara wrote:

yo'ma wrote:

Of course they should try their hardest to get it, but if the finances don't allow it, it doesn't allow it. I don't see exactly how the parents are breaking a promise that the child would think, parents break promises.

yo'ma

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 7:04 pm

I reread the post and saw that they didn't say they didn't have the money. Okay, then I change my story. If the parents have the money then they should buy it for him. It's not his fault it went up in price and why would they even mention it to him? If they told him they'll buy it, buy it. If they didn't have the money for it, I'd say differently.

ElTam

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 7:05 pm

The parent made a promise to the child. It's not his fault she waited to buy it until the price went up. If she had bought it right away, it would have been fine.

He should not suffer for her delay. A promise is a promise. When you don't keep a promise to a child, you teach him to lie.

momofalltrades

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 7:09 pm

I agree.. A parent MUST keep their word when they tell their children something no matter what.. That is the only way to establish trust. Breaking your word is a serious AVLA (sin) all the time and even more so to a child. You just teach them that a word is not a word and it's okay to lie.

Sherri

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 7:50 pm

I agree with those who say the parents should buy the present, and if they are concerned about sending a message about expensive gifts, they don't have to let the child know how much it cost them in the end.

zaq

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 10:21 pm

Barbara wrote:

What she said. Except they should buy it even if they don't find deals and coupons. They promised to buy the toy, not to buy the toy if they could get it for less than $X. Let the parents learn a lesson here, the lesson being "don't make promises without doing your homework."

zaq

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 10:29 pm

yo'ma wrote:

I don't see exactly how the parents are breaking a promise that the child would think, parents break promises.

1. Kid wants toy for b-day.
2. Parents say no, but if you give up b-day gift, you can have it for Chanuka.
3. Kid with amazing maturity agrees to this.
4.This is not a "maybe, we'll see" scenario. It is a verbal contract--in plain English kid's language, a "promise". 5.Comes Chanuka, parents tell kid, sorry, kiddo, no can do, too expensive. Tough luck.
6. This is called reneging, breach of contract, welshing, or in plain kids' English, "breaking a promise".

What part did you not understand?

zaq

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 10:34 pm

yo'ma wrote:

No. this is what you would do if the kid had had his heart set on buying the toy himself, had saved up his allowance or whatever for half a year, only to find that in the meantime the price had gone up or the item had been discontinued. And in the former case, I would probably either offer to lend the kid the extra money and have him pay me back, or fill in the shortfall as a reward for having had the maturity and discipline to save up for something he wanted.

farm

Tue, Nov 22 2011, 11:15 pm

zaq wrote:

yo'ma wrote:

I think you hit the nail on the head. This is probably what it comes down to- was the gift promised to the child as in, "if we combine birthday and Chanuka and you wait until Chanuka, we will buy it for you" or was the gift promised to the child as in, "if you save the $50 you could have spent on a birthday gift and combine it with the $50 you could have spent on a Chanuka gift, you will have enough for that toy by Chanuka"
If the promise was the first way, parents should keep their word. If it was the second way, it is not as clear cut.

Page 1 of 1