Triangle of Despair, Circle of Hope by Yaffa Farbstien

debsey

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 3:42 pm

This is an old discussion but I just wanted to chime in. I read it over succos and I'm still having some trauma from reading it. That being said, it was an excellent book, a public service to the frum community. I'm in the mental health field, and I recommended it to the parents of a patient because they needed to see that the path they are on is dangerous, and what it can lead to. B"H they were healthy enough to read it and see where I was heading with it.
I grew up with a minor machlokes (compared to the one in the book) between some family members (like not going to one another's simchos etc) and I just remember as a kid it was so hard to answer questions - like "where's your cousin?" at a family simcha. Why put children in such a situation? We have to remember that kids are people in their own right, not extensions of their parents.
I WOULD NOT ALLOW AN ADOLESCENT TO READ IT! In fact, I hid my copy. My 11 y/o is a voracious reader and if she found it, she would read it. Not bec. I think divorce is a dirty word, or that I want to shield her, but more because the information is not developmentally appropriate for anyone under 18. I would be afraid that a teenager would have all sorts of unrealistic fears about marriage and parenting after reading it, and would find it too unsettling.
(I'm glad it's unsettling, I hope it's unsettling, I think that was the author's point! But it's not for kids)
YAFFA FARBSTEIN, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THANK YOU! you are a very courageous woman. Smile

Deb

yaffafarbstein

Sun, Jan 03 2010, 9:33 am

thanks "Deb" for your encouraging words. the book took tremendous courage but I am heartened to see that it was taken the way it was intended. I would love to hear from my readers whether it actually worked to alleviate machlokes at least in some measure. I will be infinitely gratified!
Yaffa Farbstein/Author of "Triangle of Despair Circle of Hope"

PinkFridge

Sun, Feb 14 2010, 9:06 am

PinkFridge wrote:

wif wrote:

Oy. When I saw the title, I couldn't stop naming emotions to shapes all day. Circle of hope, triangle of depair, parallelagram of angst, rectangle of guilt, concave polygon of love, hexagon of fear, octagon of happiness--

Ah! I can't stop!

Why stop at two dimensions?
Cube of...
Cylinder of...
Come ladies, let's keep the shefa flowing!

My apologies for the leitzanus. I just read it.
Yaffa, I am very impressed. Understatement actually.
There's another thread going on now, from someone who lost her mother and is heavily grieving; there are women who are writing in about their own ongoing grief, as living orphans, victims of dysfunction, etc. You are a living example of hope for women who are struggling to be what was absent in their lives.

I do want to say that while the biology does win out - I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't dispute that - I do know of situations where the step parents WERE the "real" parents. True, the major cases I'm thinking of involved death, not divorce, but let's not discount the possibility of a true, binding relationship between steps and their step kids.

Maybe I'm too much of an Amerikaner ;-)

yidishe mama

Sun, Jul 28 2013, 1:48 am

I've just read the book. I admire the author for loving and pursuing peace at all costs! I wanted to mention something that was not written in the book. Yaffa, it seems pretty obvious to me that your dear mother a.h had either a psychotic illness or borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately I have had a lot of dealings with mental illness. All the descriptions of your mother's erratic behaviour point to the above. Too late to do anything about it now, but anyone observing similar behaviour in a spouse/mother/etc should make sure she is seen by a good psychiatrist as soon as possible. Treatment could have possibly saved the marriage.