When does teaching responsibility veer into overburdening?

amother

Tue, Dec 17 2013, 9:02 am

I think like all things in life, there has to be a balance.
I was the oldest in a medium sized family (think 6-8 kids) and had a lot of responsibility- babysitting my siblings, helping in the house. It was perfectly normal for my parents to go out to a wedding or a work related necessary event and I would be expected to babysit- give the kids dinner, get them to sleep, even the baby, etc, or make lunches for them for the next day, as well as walk my sisters to school with me every day, take care of them Shabbos afternoon so my parents could rest, etc. I never missed a big social event because of it, but there were things that I wanted to do sometimes that I couldn't because I had to babysit. sometimes I complained about it, but honestly I felt no resentment towards my parents because of it, and I certainly feel that I gained and learned a lot from the experience. I also understood that we were all part of the household and all pitched in. My parents did a ton for each of us, cared for us and loved us and spent all of their time on us, so why shouldn't we be expected to help out?
I think a big part in this though, was the way my parents dealt with it, plus the fact that it was very common in my community- Shabbos afternoon when I got together with friends, it was normal for someone to bring their baby brother or little sister because they were in charge of them while parents rested/learned, or we had to go to a specific person's house because they were babysitting- so we just viewed it as a normal part of life.
I have a couple of my own kids now, and I definitely believe that helping out in my parents home has taught me a ton with regards to responsibility, as well as just the ins and outs of a household. (my kids are still very young, but I would definitely want to start teaching them responsibility in an age appropriate manner).
obviously if you are talking about really overburdening a child, or making them practically raise their siblings, that is another story.
each child according to their own capabilities and maturity level.
but the way that people talk about having children help in the home today as being practically abusive, is getting a little crazy.