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-> Parenting our children
amother
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 9:04 pm
During my last preg, I started to get extremely impatient and quick to anger. (Baby now is 10 mths).
I was always a calm person and took a lot to make me lose patience or get angry, til then. I assumed it was just pregnancy hormoned but apparently it hasn't gone away. Yes I'm a tired mom, but still, I'm shocked at my anger flares. When ds aged almost 3 is defiant, I blow my can! When he ignores, I blow up. When dh ignores or does something wrong that I've asked a million times to avoid (like putting milchig dishes into the fleishig sink cuz spaced out) I blow up. Its like I feel my blood boiling and booom! I have to control myself so hard not to smack ds when he is chutzpadik. (Yes he's only 3, but yes he knows how to be chutzpadik and he thinks its funny. Prior to this condition I would have just laughed inwardly and dealt calmly, now it makes me so angry.)
When baby is sleeping (finally!) And dh or ds make just enough noise to wake him up, I flip out... U get the picture.
What is going on with me?
Is this like a post partum depression rearing its ugly head? I was super overwhelmed after baby but figured it was typical baby blues. But this anger thing is just out of control but it just happens.
Is this normal? I really don't know what to do with myself! I feel like a horrible wife and parent.
Its really starting to get to me.
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Rutabaga
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 9:23 pm
I don't know enough about PPD to guess if you are experiencing it. However, I know from personal experience that I get snappish if I don't get enough sleep. Could that be an issue here?
Also, you still may be hormonal from nursing. Are you nursing clean or on BC?
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amother
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 9:30 pm
Are you on hormonal birth control? A lot of people on the pill tend to have severe emotional side effects - whether it be always crying, always angry, etc.
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black sheep
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 9:33 pm
Anger is one way that depression can present. So it is possible that it is ppd. It could also be lack of sleep, or just being overwhelmed.
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amother
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 9:49 pm
Hugs OP, it sounds miserable.
It's unlikely that it's PPD in the traditional sense. Google PPD if you're really worried. Your post doesn't describe any major red flags. Most likely it's postpartum navy blues with a large amount of exhaustion mixed in. Anger and irritability are huge red flags for exhaustion.
After my 2nd I also had a really hard time adjusting. I was always tired and very irritable. I had no patience for stupid people and whenever someone asked me how I was doing I answered very honestly that I was absolutely exhausted. I was told by a few people who thought they were doing me a favour that I was suffering from PPD and should see a therapist, and even though I wasn't convinced, I knew something was up, so I went.
The therapist told me there was no way I had PPD. What I had was PP exhaustion and I needed to take a nap. Every day. No exceptions. She helped me set up a realistic plan for feeding myself healthy filling food every day. She pointed out that it's very difficult to deal with other people's emotional needs when your physical needs aren't being met, and when there are 2+ people who need you every waking (and sleeping) moment, it's hard to be filling your needs. She gave me a book on building coping skills for dealing with stupid people when you barely have the energy to stand upright. It was very helpful. She helped me work with my toddler, who was really just being a toddler, but I was so tired and stretched so thin I didn't have the energy to deal with what were really very healthy, typical behaviors.
I have gone back to her after each subsequent child for support in creating a situation where my needs can be met even as demands on me grow.
The point-Even if it's not PPD, it's normal, and reach out for help. A therapist can help guide you through it even if there's no diagnostic code. You'll come out a stronger, healthier person.
Hatzlacha Rabba!
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seeker
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 9:59 pm
Sounds very much the way PPD manifested for me. Especially since you say it is very out of character for you. I hope you can find someone to help you through this.
As amother above said, hormonal BC can have very similar effects so if you're on it, even mini pill, I'd suspect that first and switch to non-hormonal methods before assuming PPD.
Please get help ASAP because waiting for something like this to get better usually only makes things worse - even if the hormones get better, in the meantime your marriage and parenting will suffer and get much harder to fix.
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amother
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 10:43 pm
OP here- thanks for the replies.
I'm nursing though not full time. Was on mini pill till abt 2 months ago or less but nothings changed except for the worse - irritability wise- since.
Still nursing clean tho not sure how much longer that'll last.
I'm definitely exhausted, no question abt tht. But even when I do get sleep (like by some miracle last night I slept from 10pm-8:30 am with a short break to change crying baby - I never get tht much sleep!) I was still so irritable today I barked at ds everytime he got on my nerves.
It is not like me. At least it didn't used to be like me and I vowed I'd never be that type of mother to my kids that was miserable to love with but what am I doing? I'm just snappy the second anyone acts stupid.
Amother above that said u had this with ur second, sounds almost exactly like what I'm going thru. Wish I had the guidance to help me thru this and snap me out of it. I'm so frustrated with myself.
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seeker
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 10:52 pm
I've said it before and I'll keep saying it until the message gets through (not to you, OP. To women in general.) Get help. See a therapist. Consider medication and/or alternative healing methods. It is not you and you don't need to suffer alone.
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amother
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Sat, Sep 13 2014, 11:16 pm
Yes I think this is definitely a form of ppd. This is exactly how I am after a baby and it lasted for a long time Sleep definitely aggravates it but it's irritability and rage that comes and goes, and when the anger subsided I always regretted getting so angry.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 14 2014, 1:00 am
http://www.postpartumprogress......-rage
feeling increased anger or impatience is one of the symptoms. copied from site as symptom: "You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner. You feel out-of-control rage"
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