HITTING HIS PEERS!

mimivan

Mon, Aug 27 2007, 11:36 pm

I had exactly the same issue with my son. First of all, the last thing you should conclude is he is doing it for fun. Eliminate all other possiblities first.
1) Check his hearing
2) Does he have a speech delay?
3) Does he have a sensory problem
(my son had problem number 2 and 3...since he has had therapy for these issues, he hardly hits)
4) immaturity (he may grow out of it)
5) Outside stress (how is your shalom bayis in addition to relationship with him)
6) Learned it in gan (if you are in Israel, hitting is more common here)

It is worthwhile to get to the bottom of the problem. Get him tested for the above issues. Talk to the ganenette. See if you Kupat cholim (if you are in Israel) has a center...our with Maccabbee it hitpachut ha yeled. The problem did not stop and we eventually sent our son to a gan tipuli,(therapeutic gan) which has done wonders for him. They worked on his speech and sensory issues (he was hyposensitive, which means he was looking for a lot of sensory stimulation)

We also rewarded him with prizes. We cooperated with the ganenette and if he was good for one day, three days, and then a week, we gave him a prize. If he has positive reinforcement to stop hitting he is more likely to stop.

After all is said and done, he might just grow out of it. The Rav at my seminary, the most gentle person you can imagine, confessed that he had a son that age who did the same thing and they had no idea why. B"H the boy is grown, has smicha and is learning...

Some kids are just bored, especially if they are ka'h bright. Please look at him in a positive light and dont' give up hope Very Happy

p.s. avoid using corporal punishment and spanking to discipline. Time out is better, since kids learn through example l'm not assuming you are, but patching is common...

Last edited by mimivan on Mon, Aug 27 2007, 11:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

mimivan

Mon, Aug 27 2007, 11:59 pm

My son needed extra stimulation...he would put things in his mouth alot for the sensation, move around, intentionally bump into people for the physical contact etc.. maybe he is hitting people for that reason.

our kupat cholim covered an occupational therapist, and that is how he got over it. (still has some issues but doesn't hit)

happymom

Fri, Aug 31 2007, 1:34 pm

u make sure u are always around and stop it before it comes. you calmly tell them "we have to be GENTLE with our friends" and then change the topic. they are not doing it to bad. they are doing it because

1) something bothered them and they can verbalize it (and then should be told what words to use when they want something)

2) like the reaction from parent (negative attention)

3) they are frustrated, jealouse etc... ( the issue can be dealt with, and just reinforce we should be gentle

4) they want to see how the baby will react its entertaining to them and they are playing with emotions and cause and effect (I hit, baby cries)

my daughter was hitting my son for a while when he was born because iot was hard for her that I had a new baby. (she never actually hit him cuz I was ALWAY watching, but she tried...)

what I did was reincforce my love for HER, swe spoke ALOT about teh fact that mommy oloves her AND The baby and how we have to show the baby how we are gentle, etc......

after the first month (hes four months kh ) she loves him, is secure in our lvoe for her too and NEVER hits him.... so.... its really about tackeling the real issue, and watching to make sure noone gets hurt.

also kids who cant talk get frustrated more easily and may need help with expressing themselves so they wont feel the need to hit so much.

mimivan

Sat, Sep 01 2007, 5:09 pm

GR wrote:

Quote:

(if you are in Israel, hitting is more common here)

WHAT?

GR, sorry if this offends you, and I'm not trying to be mean to Israelis, but when I thoroughly investigated my sons prolonged hitting problem, I talked to women who had been gannenot both in the US and in Israel and they said that hitting among 2-3 years olds is more accepted in ganim here in Israel. They seem to have the hasgofa more that they just "grow out of it" (and my son has seemed to have grown out of it, b'h but it took longer). Since it is more accepted it tends to be more frequent, according to the women I talked to. I think gannenot in the U.S. are more strict about it..

BTW dh is Israeli... and so are my kids! (I guess I am too)

Sorry I did not elaborate.