|
|
|
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
ectomorph
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:42 am
Zehava wrote: | Geez the imamother sanctimommy club. This is why I rarely post here about these topics, or about SB.
Leaving kids with competent caretakers is a normal part of life. We can’t always be hooked onto our children 24/7 365 days a year. Sometimes we need a little me-time to be better mommies the rest of the time. And sometimes things happen like a new baby or a simcha. |
A kid who is clingy will be hugely traumatised by being left w strangers for a week and a half. Yes, even if people do it.
People used to send their kids to boarding schools and then they found out how much abuse went down there.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
5
|
aricelli
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:45 am
deleted: this thread is turning nasty
| |
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
mig100
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:05 pm
aricelli wrote: | deleted: this thread is turning nasty |
Yeah I think so too.
I think enough people were hurt to have reason to lock it.
Reporting my post
| |
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
amother
Turquoise
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:24 pm
My 2 year old stayed with her grandparents for a few months, when I was hospitalized. There was nothing else I could do, and there was no choice.
And, Baruch Hashem she's perfectly okay. She visited me once a week, we spoke on the phone almost every day, and she happily came home when I could finally take care of her.
At this point (a few months later) she doesn't remember it.
Many people told me about how they had to leave their kid for an extended period of time, or that they were left with a relative for a long time themselves and how it didn't effect their lives at all. None of them remember it and they didn't develop any issues.
Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.
| |
|
Back to top |
2
2
|
aricelli
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:26 pm
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote: | My 2 year old stayed with her grandparents for a few months, when I was hospitalized. There was nothing else I could do, and there was no choice.
And, Baruch Hashem she's perfectly okay. She visited me once a week, we spoke on the phone almost every day, and she happily came home when I could finally take care of her.
At this point (a few months later) she doesn't remember it.
Many people told me about how they had to leave their kid for an extended period of time, or that they were left with a relative for a long time themselves and how it didn't effect their lives at all. None of them remember it and they didn't develop any issues.
Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. |
I would happily leave my kiddos at their grandparents house as well!
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
pesek zman
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:27 pm
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote: | My 2 year old stayed with her grandparents for a few months, when I was hospitalized. There was nothing else I could do, and there was no choice.
And, Baruch Hashem she's perfectly okay. She visited me once a week, we spoke on the phone almost every day, and she happily came home when I could finally take care of her.
At this point (a few months later) she doesn't remember it.
Many people told me about how they had to leave their kid for an extended period of time, or that they were left with a relative for a long time themselves and how it didn't effect their lives at all. None of them remember it and they didn't develop any issues.
Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. |
You can’t compare grandparents to strangers. Also can’t compare hospitalized parent to wedding
| |
|
Back to top |
0
15
|
FranticFrummie
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:39 pm
When DD was 18 months old, I had the opportunity to spend a week and a half in Israel, all expenses paid. I'd never been before, so I left DD with her father (this is before we'd split up, so she was in the same house, same routine as always.)
When I got back, she took one look at me and screamed. Then for days afterward she refused to look me in the eye. It was weeks before she got back to normal.
If this is how an otherwise happy, well adjusted, and outgoing 18 month old reacts, I can't imagine how a nervous, fussy 2 year old would react.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
5
|
amother
Slateblue
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:45 pm
Pesek zman, it doesn't make a difference for a child if mom is at the hospital or at a simcha. A child doesn't know the difference.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
amother
Maroon
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:48 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote: | Pesek zman, it doesn't make a difference for a child if mom is at the hospital or at a simcha. A child doesn't know the difference. |
True, but sometimes having to leave a young child is unavoidable. You do what you have to do. Leaving when it’s a choice but not necessary isn’t different for the child, but it’s different for the parent.
I personally have left young children with grandparents for a few days, but I wouldn’t leave with a stranger.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
12
|
ectomorph
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:49 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote: | Pesek zman, it doesn't make a difference for a child if mom is at the hospital or at a simcha. A child doesn't know the difference. |
I understand that this is culturally acceptable in certain communities. Much as day care is acceptable in other communities.
It simply has to be done with sechel. If you have a child who is clingy and needy, you don't put them at a babysitter w a cold personality or a day care with many different teachers who don't get to know the kids.
A more confident, tougher toddler can be in a factory day care and will be fine.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
6
|
amother
Green
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 1:13 pm
Are there any child psychologists posting?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
Slateblue
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 2:42 pm
I guess it comes down to that OP knows her child best and she should follow her heart to make the right decision. I'm assuming OP will do lot's of research on the babysitter to make sure she's competent and loving.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
3
|
Aylat
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 3:10 pm
FranticFrummie wrote: | When DD was 18 months old, I had the opportunity to spend a week and a half in Israel, all expenses paid. I'd never been before, so I left DD with her father (this is before we'd split up, so she was in the same house, same routine as always.)
When I got back, she took one look at me and screamed. Then for days afterward she refused to look me in the eye. It was weeks before she got back to normal.
If this is how an otherwise happy, well adjusted, and outgoing 18 month old reacts, I can't imagine how a nervous, fussy 2 year old would react. |
My husband was in the army during my youngest's babyhood and beginning of toddler hood. I was worried that it would affect their bonding, that my son wouldn't attach to my husband who was away so much. BH, not at all, they had great attachment.
My husband also travels for work several times a year, usually for 10 days each time. The children who have experienced this as toddlers have never been traumatised by it or had any difficulty reattaching to him.
Not parallel to OP's scenario, but similar to yours FF, and just shows that there is a range of experiences.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
amother
Taupe
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 3:21 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I am traveling iy'h next week overseas, to a family simcha, most of my kids are in camp, I decided without choice, to leave my 2 yr toddler by a babysitter, but I am very very nervous,
he is not easy going, he cries a lot especially during night time etc., he gets scared when he sees other pupil, I feel so sorry for him, I am afraid I won't enjoy the simcha, what's your experience? should I call the babysitter from overseas everyday asking how he is doing or just wait until I come back? |
I would send or have sent to the babysitter during the days to get used to her but I am sure he will miss you but will be fine maybe make a photo pillow of you for him
I left my super stranger anxiety toddler hi e while I went to a simcha yes it was with my husband but she had a preference to be only on me and she was going to a babysitter during the day and she survived and did really well and I came home with chocolate for her.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
ectomorph
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 4:27 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote: | I would send or have sent to the babysitter during the days to get used to her but I am sure he will miss you but will be fine maybe make a photo pillow of you for him
I left my super stranger anxiety toddler hi e while I went to a simcha yes it was with my husband but she had a preference to be only on me and she was going to a babysitter during the day and she survived and did really well and I came home with chocolate for her. |
With your husband is totally different!!
| |
|
Back to top |
0
12
|
amother
Gold
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 4:41 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote: | I would send or have sent to the babysitter during the days to get used to her but I am sure he will miss you but will be fine maybe make a photo pillow of you for him
I left my super stranger anxiety toddler hi e while I went to a simcha yes it was with my husband but she had a preference to be only on me and she was going to a babysitter during the day and she survived and did really well and I came home with chocolate for her. |
The fact that you're trying to equate a toddler left home with her own father with one left in a strange home with a strange caregiver...
| |
|
Back to top |
0
12
|
yerushamama
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 5:31 pm
aricelli wrote: | You got me there!
I was thinking - this thread is really turning bizarre! |
Oh, it is, but that's not ALL my fault!
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
WastingTime
|
Wed, Jul 03 2019, 5:51 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote: | Is there a reason you can't change your plans and either bring him along or stay home? This doesn't sound very healthy. |
Not healthy????
Why, does the babysitter's kids have the measles?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
4
|
Related Topics |
Replies |
Last Post |
|
|
Should I do camp mommy or will I have a nervous breakdown?
|
40 |
Tue, Mar 05 2024, 10:33 pm |
|
|
So nervous
|
20 |
Sat, Feb 24 2024, 7:55 pm |
|
|
Nervous- First time sick with a baby
|
12 |
Tue, Feb 13 2024, 11:58 pm |
|
|
Help a nervous first time flyer
|
11 |
Sun, Jan 21 2024, 9:50 pm |
|
|
Should I be nervous? got an appointment for root canal -
|
9 |
Tue, Jan 16 2024, 5:05 pm |
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
| |
|
|
|
|
|