Stupid, pointless vent, but I'm upset

LovesHashem

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 1:02 pm

tichellady wrote:

That might not be a reason for you but definitely is a valid reason. How can a company do teambuilding events if the manager isn’t invited to the event? So she’s allowed to manage them but not allowed to eat lunch with them????

Listen, if it REALLY bother you - than sure leave your job.
But it didn't sound like it bothered OP to the point to quit.
Idk, generally I don't think it's a good reason to leave a job unless you think you will be able to find a new one that's great very easily.

amother

Khaki

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 6:02 pm

Since your boss treats you respectfully, pays you well, and is the type to use company money for this type of outing, I assume that he is generally a real mentch and a nice guy. I think by speaking up about getting some kind of perk too - whether a restaurant or spa gift certificate or sth else - I believe you won't only be getting something now, but you will have made him aware of how he can show his appreciation to you during such times for the future too. And I assume that even in the future when there will be similar situations, he'll do it again. Definitely worth bringing this to his attention in a respectful way.

ETA: I see some posters criticizing the company for not including her. I actually find it truly admirable that they seem to strike a wonderful balance of treating her well, including her in meetings and respecting her opinion, while still sticking to their values of not interacting with her in more relaxed, social settings. It's a hard balance to strike and kudos for them for getting it right. But being guys, I can see how they cannot think out of the box and realize that they can show appreciation to op in other creative ways when these events come up but I have no doubt the boss will do so if she speaks up.

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 7:33 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

I agree with you but I’m lost on the Kool aid joke. Can someone explain? Very Happy

"Drinking the Kool Aid" is a reference to brainwashing. It is often used in a light-hearted way, but the original event involving a mass murder-suicide with cyanide-laced fruit punch was horribly tragic: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonestown

Boca00

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful replies, I was afraid I was going to be told I was being petty and unreasonable.

Thanks Boca00, I really feel that you get it. I wouldn't leave over this, most of the time I'm equal to everyone else, I don't get left out of conversations, I get paid equally and I really love my job.

And it's hardly every a problem, they only go out to eat a couple times a year, so it's not like they're always leaving me out. But it's so strange to me, the three of us have meetings all the time in which I'm completely equal and my opinion is absolutely welcomed and valued, and then I all of the sudden I turn into "less than". I know it's not how they mean it, but it does bother me.

I've thought about asking him for a gift card or a voucher to go out to eat with my husband, but it feels petty so I've never done it.

I'll see how this plays out before I decide if I want to ask for anything. Being that hes's inviting everyone but me I would feel less petty to ask for a gift card or something else. He did mention that he could bring his wife along, but then he said it still wouldn't be appropriate for us to be the only women. Most of the other men aren't married, divorced or not yet married. One of the only married men has a heavily pregnant wife who wouldn't want to join us.

Yes, I know what you mean. I would feel funny to ask for something tangible in exchange, but if you're comfortable asking, a day off does seem reasonable.

I really wouldn't start getting nervous about equal pay and promotions. Why ruin a good thing? They seem to value you and generally treat you fairly, and most importantly, you're happy there.

tigerwife

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 10:01 pm

I had a similar experience recently but in my case the whole company was invited to a team building event, and the much outnumbered women (not all Jewish) ended up opting out. One of us spoke to the boss and in the end we arranged a separate team building event for the women (it was a very small group but was fun). I think asking for your own time off would be a good idea, and your boss sounds understanding enough to accept that.

Re dinners, many of my colleagues do “business dinners” all the time and often joke that I’m invited. I’d never go (it ends up being way more personal than business and we shmooze more than enough in the office) but I’d love to see their faces if I’d actually accept and go 😆