Does being rich equal better shalom bayis?

amother

Oak

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 5:43 pm

Lots of things help shalom bayis.
Having a good parnassa for sure helps!
(Spending your days in a meaningful way increases your feeling of self worth.)
The core to being happy is being in a relationship where the other party respects and values you.
Without feeling respected by your spouse you will just go downhill.
Financial pressure takes a toll on shaky relationships, even on solid ones.
Just like having an illness in the family will take a toll..,

amother

Pewter

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 6:10 pm

Money buys you a lot of time. If you aren't stressed to be cleaning or cooking, that's more time for yourself. If you can have your trainer come to your house, that more time for yourself. If you have a luxury car, that the dealership will pick up and exchange a loaner for, that's more time for yourself.

More time equals more relaxed people.

amother

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 8:34 pm

Thanks for all your replies.
I think you're all right in some ways. But the difference is that in my case, it's not that we are both working crazy hard but not making it. He isn't even working! He claims his field is too hard to break into but never goes on interviews etc. If I try to help, he gets mad. Our shalom bayis is horrific now since I have zero respect for someone who is acting like an entitled child. He thinks he is trying by sending out a resume 1 time a month. So so so aggravating.
Anyway, I think in my cade, yes, money would improve my shalom bayis tremendously. Because even if he just got an inheritence and still didnt work, at least we wouldnt be constantly fighting about money. But yes, I would struggle respecting him in that case as well.
And fyi, he is not a yeshiva boy who needs transition help into the real world. He is a right wing yu boy who went to college etc. He worked in the past but decided to change careers 3 yrs ago

amother

Smokey

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 8:52 pm

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

That has zero validity. ZERO.

Better MIDDOS has better shalom bayis. Period.

Thats one stressor down, if your money troubles went away stressor # 2 that you don't focus on as much would just move up in line.

amother

Oak

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:13 pm

I know some super wealthy people who... got divorced! So, money can’t solve everything...
BUT, there was a time that we were practically poverty stricken and I davened to Hashem for parnassa tova because aside for needing parnassa I knew it would also increase our shalom bayis.
Not having money to run your home causes tremendous stress.
At the same time, Having money won’t solve everything.
Now we bH have parnassa but unfortunately we are struggling with other issues and the lack of shalom bayis is heart wrenching ...
These days the first thing I daven for is shalom bayis. The next thing on the list is parnassa since I’ll always remember what it was like not to have money for the basics. And of course that the children should be matzliach and give us nachas. And health....

dancingqueen

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:29 pm

Money does help in life, of course. But your main issue isn’t money right now, it’s that you don’t respect dh, and with good reason IMO. Is there anyone who could talk to him? Is he depressed?