Does this even exist???!!!

thunderstorm

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 5:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

thank you for all your suggestions!
I will look into these ideas.
Staying in the yeshiva is not something he's interested in any more.

He was hospitalized for 2 weeks recently and got not even one phone call from his rebbi or rosh y.
He was found with a phone and it was confiscated and smashed with a hammer and he lost all his pictures.
not a warm and loving place... Sad

He should not have brought the phone, but the hammer did not engender a love for his current yeshiva.
He told me "they don't really care about me or anyone else..." I couldn't disagree with him.

I want to just say that I totally understand. We had a very similar situation. My DS was hospitalized and was out of yeshiva for a couple of weeks at age 16. There wasn’t one concerned phone call. They noticed his absence because he was the one that put new toilet paper and paper towels in all he bathrooms and it was neglected while he was out. When he came back the Rosh yeshiva took one look at him and told him “go put toilet paper in the bathrooms”. That’s how he was welcomed back after being out for emergency surgery. My DS has similar horror stories of what you describe to the phone (though he was just witness but was traumatized watching other bochurim being treated this way). He refused to go back to yeshiva this past September , no matter how much worked on finding him another place. He lost his trust in the people he should have felt most comfortable with. He no longer attends yeshiva. And I also say, I can’t blame him.
The people in chinuch have no idea how much their actions and words impact the children they teach. It’s sad.

penguin

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 6:04 pm

Quote:

When he came back the Rosh yeshiva took one look at him and told him “go put toilet paper in the bathrooms”. That’s how he was welcomed back after being out for emergency surgery.

I, as a grandmother, would go to that RY with my husband and give him a rather large piece of my mind. We are probably required to be DLKZ and assume there is more to this story, but based on what you say this person has no right to the title mechanech.

Odelyah

Tue, Feb 11 2020, 11:39 am

Lita wrote:

I'd just like to second Haichal hatorah in NJ.

I actually have heard wonderful things about it recently from one of my sons who is in the beis medrash there part time because he moved to the area for his job and his former rebbe from HS took a position there and invited him to join. He was recommending it very highly and said the boys in the HS are exceptionally nice. He described it as maybe right-wing YU type? He was telling me about it because he thought it might be good for his brother in 8th grade for next year. (Even knowing that our family is more yeshivish and our son gravitates towards the more yeshivish and eidel type boys in his class. He (our older son) just thinks Heichal is a really good place.)

One thing to be aware of is there is no dorm for the HS, only the bais medrash. So you would need to be in commuting distance of Teaneck, or have a good boarding option. Also, it is pretty academic, in kodesh and especially chol. They have night seder 2x week and also plenty of homework, with serious finals to study for etc.

This is one of the main reasons I don't think it's a good fit for my son because although he is smart and doesn't have ADHD or any LD's that testing has been able to identify, his kriyah and reading is weak and he is very behind in gemara (also chumash, rashi etc anything textual) and in most secular subjects too except for science. But it may be a good fit for OP. It definitely sounds like a great school.

Again, not to nag but this is why it's so helpful to call Rabbi Strauss. Most mesivtas are good schools, but it's a shidduch. He knows updated accurate information about all the mesivtas in the US and about what type of boys go there each year. He will talk to you and/or your son and advise you based on his unique needs. This is literally what he does and he is very very good at it. And the menahelim know him and respect him and will sometimes accept a boy based on his recommendation. And it is free to speak with him, so there is no downside. Hatzlacha!

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 11 2020, 11:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He should not have brought the phone, but the hammer did not engender a love for his current yeshiva.
He told me "they don't really care about me or anyone else..." I couldn't disagree with him.

Did his school have this policy, such that the boys know in advance that if they are found with a phone, this is what will happen?

Odelyah

Tue, Feb 11 2020, 12:59 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Not sure what the chevra is like at Waterbury right now, but the schedule is genuinely more relaxed and I've heard the rabbeim are very warm.

Odelyah, how's your yeshiva search going?

Hi HY

I actually just logged back in here to finally PM you and I saw this! I got sick last week and am trying now to get caught up with everything-- you are so sweet to ask!

And as far as Waterbury/Durham, OP I am very familiar with it and what HY said about relaxed and very warm is definitely true. But there are some wonderful boys there who struggle with serious issues. There are some boys there (not all) for whom it is the last stop and BH they get what they need there and it's an incredible thing. But if OP's son doesn't need Waterbury she may prefer (as I do) to find a place that is relaxed and warm but more mainstream and with less exposure, that is the right fit for her son.

Davening for all of us to have siyata dishmaya with this!!

amother

Tan

Wed, Feb 12 2020, 9:14 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Yeshiva Ohr Yisroel, Boston.
Darchei Torah, Far Rockaway NY

don't bother with Ohr Yisroel in Boston-- They do not take boys from outside of New England unless they have relatives in Boston or a similar situation.

My understanding is that Shaarei Arazim in Monsey is specifically designed for boys with ADHD-- if her son doesn't have that, I don't know if it would be such a good fit.

Another vote for trying Toras Chaim in Baltimore-- that was the first thing I thought of when I read your description. I never heard that it is hard to get into.

You might want to also consider some of the more relaxed branches of Chofetz Chaim. Not Milwaukee-- I believe that it's considered the most intense of the CC high schools-- but someone who is more in the know in the Chofetz Chaim circles could probably give you more insight (I don't want to say anything that is not correct).

Also consider reaching out to Rabbi Shmuel Gluck in Monsey. He also helps place kids in yeshivos. I think his organization is called areivim.